Tourists in Santa Rosa

It used to be so empty here.

We moved here in 1996 feeling like we were leaving reality behind. After us kids almost being run over by cars just outside of our house in AAVA, my parents felt like it was a good move to go down to Santa Rosa. Fewer cars, clean air, the promise of a brand new city going about things right. No more congested roads, no oversaturation, enough green around all the buildings.

Over the years, we were able to see things slowly being built, and it was really nice. Things we used to need to go to Alabang for, we can now get here. But something went wrong along the way after 20 years, and now, every Christmas season, our main arteries, the main roads of access to our homes, become as clogged as the arteries of many people during this festive time of the year.

I'm sure there's something to be said here about excess, and our weakness when it comes to fads, even when they're not really special, or even downright inconvenient. There is nothing down here in Santa Rosa that the swarming crowds can't find in their respective hometowns, but the idea that it's greener here, and that it's a hidden secret, or that there are fewer people: paradoxically, everything that their coming here in droves cancels out.

But that's not what I'm here to write about.

Every time I've gone out recently, I've come across behaviour that I'm not used to seeing here back home. Behaviour that's expected whenever I'm out in Manila: Reckless driving, people getting into your personal space, not flushing in public toilets, littering, etc. 

And I get it: it's easy to blame things on tourists. I have to admit I always assume that those people aren't locals. It's hard to believe that locals would treat their own home like a dump. But I also feel like that's a dangerous attitude to have.

Anywhere you go, the more people there are, the less mindful they are of their surroundings.

The first paper cup on the ground triggers ten more. It's just easier to do the lazy thing when it's been done before, and there are more chances of people doing the first shitty thing, the more people there are.

What I'm saying is, maybe let's just all take responsibility. Thinking that we're any different or better than people from other places by default make us no better than the Trumps of the world. 

I'm still pretty sure tourists are less likely to care for a place than locals, but it would be bad to blame any individual for having come from anywhere they come from. It would be best to assume that people occupying a place just act in response to what they view as the default, and the more people there are, the worse the default seems to be. Crowds are just messy, and the fewer people there are, the more pristine your surroundings look. The more likely everyone is to take care of it and keep it that way.

There is still a lot to be said about what could be changed by the developers, the government, the powers that be, because they certainly could have avoided this unnecessary influx of tourists that our city is not prepared to handle, but for us who don't have a say, we should just keep choosing to inspire good behaviour in each other by setting an example. Aim to improve apparent defaults.

Clean up after ourselves, and even for others (if we're lucky enough to find the rare trashcans) spare a little spritz from your poo-fume bottle if the toilets are a little stanky, let people through in passage ways, keep right, keep your voice down in restaurants, smile at people, say thanks, even help out a lost tourist!

I'm hopeful that things will slowly improve, but we have to work as a unit. "Tourists" will take care of our place if as locals, we suggest the good behaviour strongly enough, and make it very apparent as The Thing To Do. Hating on them does nothing. Just makes us have a false sense of entitlement. We are lucky to have found this place, and have all come from other places. Some, very recently! Let's just all be better, kinder, more proactive about our behaviour in public.

Or we can just stay home.

Tricycle Therapy aka Dealing with my Demons in the Dark

Coming home today I had a nice talk with Beardy. It was one of those talks where what you say just unfolds by itself, sort of a live epiphany in front of a one-man audience.

It helped that we were in the dark, in a cramped tricycle, loud motor running, me buzzed from sitting all day making* art. I felt like bursting, and was in a safe space to do so.

I told him about how I think I've been avoiding being "seen" for a long time, because I wasn't comfortable with myself.

Being "seen" as in leaving any sort of impression. At first I claimed that I didn't want to leave any strong impression on anyone, and so I feel scared when people seem to get a whiff of my critical/agit side (I attempt to mask this by showing my kooky/awkward side so people know I don't bite) but I suddenly realised that I was trying to not make ANY impression at all.

Thus I had an aversion to speaking my mind without being asked (by name, not as part of a crowd), or to volunteer for things, or to make friends with people I liked or admired.

But recent developments had made it so that I've been spending more time with those people, and so it's becoming very unlikely for them to not have any impression of me. And so this provided a stark contrast from how things were just a year ago, which made the reasons, I guess, bubble up to the surface.

let's provide a visual! the oil = deep seated issues. they were stuck to the bottom when i was socially empty and friends = water!! 

It's because I have an ideal self, and I know I'm far from being her as of yet.

My ideal self would be kind enough to speak her mind, ask questions when in doubt of what someone says, but sound calm and reassuring enough that the person wouldn't feel attacked. But that takes a lot of nerve. It takes a very calm person. And I'm typically a very nervy person.

I get too nervous when speaking up around people because I'm overly either sensitive or imaginative about what they would think or how they'd feel of/about what I say.

It's kind of funny to realise this now, at a point in my life where I've supposedly very decidedly stopped caring what other people think about me. But now I realise that that only goes as far as my appearance. I don't care about being ugly, fat, or hairy. But I do care about being kind.

Beardy reassured me that it's already a lot for me to be so ambitious about being a better person, instead of being too happy about who I already am. I told him I admired him and others, who felt comfortable to be seen as who they are. Comfortable about people knowing their impatience, pickiness, all of their glorious idiosyncrasies, but he said he admired that I'm aware of mine and would like to improve upon them instead of settling.

I'm realising that perhaps I've reached the point of no return. There are things to be worked on that could only be worked on under the lamplight of the company of other people. I may feel like I got it together when I'm alone or unstimulated, when my mental, emotional and physical energies are untapped and thus feel abundant. I did feel like I was searching for a "flowier" state of being, rather than the safe and stagnant shell I felt I was in. Maybe I'm here now. Maybe this is how it will feel for a while.

I will feel more watched, my palms and feet will be sweaty, but I'd be learning and relating to other people more, at an exponential rate. I will feel misunderstood, I will feel scared about perhaps having said the wrong thing, but this way, I'd be able to reach and help more people, with whatever I'm called out to do. I'd be nervous because I care, and uncomfortable like I'm in a tricycle.

And maybe sometimes, that's the kindest thing to be.



 (*term used loosely: our mentor tells it's just copying because the composition is directed) 

A Christmas C..error. A Christmas Horror Story.

404 Error. I missed.. How many days? Four days. Yes.

HMP.

It got hectic, and we all know how easily I get overwhelmed! (I mean you probably didn't actually know that, but now you do)

I'll be honest, this Christmas hasn't been the best so far.

• I did my best to help out and plan meal ideas and do a lot of the grocery shopping, but we didn't end up cooking a lot of what we planned and we actually just slept on Christmas Eve instead of having a Noche Buena because we had to go to a reunion really early the next day.
• Sansa got sick on Christmas Eve so I had a hard time sleeping because my anxiety-riddled brain was screaming "SHE IS GOING TO DIE WHILE YOU ARE SLEEPING SHE WILL NOT MAKE IT ON HER BIRTHDAY" Which by the way THANKS A LOT BRAIN.
• So I woke up super early on Christmas day with barely any sleep because I thought we were leaving at 6am AND I had to check if Sansa was better/ still alive D:
• She was fine, but I was already dressed and so I stayed downstairs even though apparently nobody else was ready :( and I REALLY wanted to stay in bed when my alarm went off so that made me feel really bad...And I didn't want to go back upstairs and have to be called downstairs again when they are ready because I'd be so tired and I didn't want to be blamed when I was ready before the others were
• But my little cousin decided that it was time to experiment on how sensitive my hearing is ("How noisy can I get without her waking up? *BANGS TOYS TOGETHER FOR NO GOOD REASON*" Answer: I heard EVERYTHING and kept asking him to stop but somehow he kept going. Blame it on Christmas cheer! *bah humbug*) so I didn't even get to catch up on a little sleep while waiting for everyone else.
• On the ride there, it was too hot and noisy and cramped in the truck so even though I closed my eyes it was impossible to really sleep
• When we arrived, I couldn't function well even though I was so excited to meet my little cousins. I tried REALLY HARD but I could feel my eyeballs trying to roll back into my skull the whole time and I was pretty loopy so I stayed in the shaded hut instead of outside with people. So I couldn't take too many pictures waaaah.
• When we got home, we still couldn't really do a real Christmas dinner because everyone was tired!!!!! And we had to prepare for the smaller gathering on the next day!!!

R YE FOOKEN KIDDING ME RN.

So yeah, on Christmas night, I was trying to keep it together, but I was super stressed by not being prepared for the next day, and too disappointed in being too tired to be fully awake during the 24th and 25th, that I ended up just bawling my eyes out to Beardy who also admitted that he didn't have the greatest time (we tried to Skype his family on the Eve but the connection was being poopy so it was a bit short and it was difficult to hear each other :'c, but luckily we got to have a second call with Anne and it was really nice! But like me he was a bit run down and rushed and clueless about how to celebrate because we didn't have our time in our own hands)

An actual photo of me and Beardy on Christmas night

But you know what? I felt a lot better after crying. I didn't realise how much I needed to just admit that I wasn't having fun, and that I was being really stressed. I have been trying to suppress it because it was Christmas and trying my hardest to have a good attitude, to not be a grinch, but I realised that suppressing this wouldn't make it disappear. But maybe expressing it would. And it did! Sharing it with Beardy brought us closer, and made me feel like someone understood. That it was okay and understandable to feel the way I did, considering what had happened, and I wasn't being crazy. 

After that, things were better. I had a slightly better night even though it was still short, but it was restful enough that I managed to still help out in the house while we had guests, talk to people (although not as much as I'd have liked!) and be really attentive to the kids (I just want them to have good memories of Christmas, okay?! While having fun is still the only thing expected of them this season!)... At the end of that day, I was still reaaaally tired, but had less frustrations about how things went.

(I didn't get to attend to my little cousin who stole Christmas just yet, but the good thing about him living here is that I had time to make up for it... Which I did today! We made popsicles, played with cars, puzzles and bubbles, and talked a lot. After a bit of guilt-tripping because I've lost my will to try with him recently, I decided to change my attitude about him being a difficult child, and try to change my approach to positively influence him again and make him feel secure. Because insecure children are more difficult and become insecure adults!)

So yes! That's why I missed five days! I'd feel bad about it, but I think I reached my quota for things to feel bad about and actually don't mind it as much as I minded having a tiring Christmas so far. And and and! There were also good things about it:

• I got a couple of really nice presents
• I feel proud for not disappointing my mom for once by helping a lot even though I was more tired than I could even believe
• I moved on from feeling horrible really quickly and therefore have reason to believe that I'm becoming more emotionally resilient
• I met my uncle from Canada again, and his family for the first time!
• I managed to get presents for my family even though I thought I'd be too broke to manage it this year.. with a lot of help from Beardy!
• Even though one of them cried a lot when it was time to go home, I feel good about letting my nieces play Minecraft on my computer and painting their nails for them all preedy. I know that it looked like I fussed over them too much and I know that carrying my computer around and setting it up wherever my nieces wanted to play, and designing their nails when everyone else was just chilling and being festive looked very tedious and like I spoil them, but I just don't want them to lose their festive Christmas feels too early. I know they were excited about those two things before coming to our house, and I didn't want to disappoint them because disappointment really sucks, and I sure knew it firsthand that day. I just want to protect them from that when I have the energy to. 
• I was prepared and didn't really expect that much from Christmas; I was sober enough to not be too disappointed whenever plans didn't push through; I just broke down mostly from me not being super awake the whole time, but I feel like I had a healthy expectation which made it easier. Honestly, even if things went the same way, I wouldn't be so sad if I wasn't so tired because I'm sure I would have had the energy to come up with something to make it better.
• I learned things that are super important: One, sleeplessness depresses me and tires me too much for it to be worth waking up too early or staying up later than needed. And two, even if I'm at my worst shape, I can still manage to work hard at things I decide are important. Which are the people I love. 

The Inner Lives of Strangers

A picture I took out my window yesterday while the rain was pouring. I snapped it just as this person was walking by and thought it looked a bit like something off of a Ghibli film.

I enjoy people-watching. And I know many other people who enjoy it too. I think it's natural for people to come into a somewhat voyeuristic trance when doing this, and sort of feel detached from their surroundings, as if they are looking into a glass window. It can be fun to be curious, to wonder about where everyone comes from, how they find the weather, who they love, and if they are happy.

But every so often, there is a risk of this detachment turning into something a bit more cynical, and it's as if we are looking into a glass bowl instead, with puny mindless fish inside. We are tempted to fancy our lives and minds more complex and colorful than theirs, simply because of the context we see them in. I come across posts online that on the surface seem to be helpful and insightful, asking for the reader to keep their eyes off their phones, to rush less and enjoy their surroundings, unlike the zombies in the picture with their eyes glued to their phones (non-verbatim of course). Just because everyone around you is rushing around, or doing common things, doesn't mean you are alone among mindless creatures of passive, mundane existence.

I believe there is a danger to painting with very broad brushes when we look at others in their unguarded moments. Any bitter sentiment stemming from feeling like everybody is dull more likely stems from an issue we have to deal with in ourselves, rather than the actual people around us that trigger these feelings. It reflects our own limited perspective, or perhaps imagination, when it comes to the complexity of life outside of our own immediate awareness.

It can be very helpful to approach thinking about the inner lives of strangers with suspended judgement, and more curiosity instead. Helpful not only for the people in question so that we may be kinder to them, but also, and this is true even if we never even interact with them; to our own peace of mind. Because we then feel less loneliness in being our complicated selves, when we realize that there are so many various interesting lives that we are not living, and we can only witness through being open to others when we interact with them. 

Don't Habit Yourself Up About It

Before we start I just want to say "You're Welcome" or "I'm Sorry" for the horrible pun, depending on your personal reaction to it. Good. K. Let's go.

I've spent a lot of time in my life failing at maintaining good habits. Just to name a few of the ones I've been failing at for a long time, there's:

1. Going to bed earlier
2. Drinking more water
3. Studying French regularly
4. Blogging
5. Eating right

For the last two, I've actually been doing an OK job lately, but I'm still working on the others.

Something I've noticed is that when I do something right, even after maintaining it for a considerable amount of time, if I slip once, it gets really hard to come back to it. I get discouraged so easily! But one thing I learned is this:

If you have one bad day, may it be about your diet, or smoking one cigarette after you've quit, or losing your temper, or whatever else, the progress you've made from doing the right thing in the previous days is not yet lost! There are still positive repercussions in place from the days that you've done the right thing. But if you let yourself discouraged, then one day becomes a week, a month, and then you'll have to start again. Don't let one bad event destroy your confidence in yourself!

Change is a gradual thing. If we are mean to ourselves and beat ourselves up about one mistake, then it gets harder and more embarrassing to get back up. So we need to be kinder to ourselves. Treat yourself as you would a dear friend and invite yourself to get back up. "It's okay, Buddy. Just keep going! I'm right here with you."

Sure it sounds a little weird, but I believe this is the purpose of imagination. It allows our world to be bigger than what's there, frees up space for us to move with ease. So be your own imaginary friend, and be an encouraging one! Don't be your own worst enemy.

3 Simple Ways in Which We: Can Be Kinder To One Another

art: charlavail

Correct People Without Shaming Them - Because we all start ignorant at some point about the things we know today. As much as many things may feel like "common sense", much of these things are common sense through the information spreading and raising awareness, and not because we were born with it from the start. The next time someone says something ignorant, attempt to correct behaviour without shaming them, because antagonistic information is often ignored. It is easier to swallow truth when it feels like it comes from your side, and not a way to attack your personhood. As much as it may be tempting to act high and mighty, we must put ourselves in the other person's shoes, for someday we might come across something we are ignorant about and wish people could be more understanding of us. 

One can see clearly only with the heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye.

Cut People Some Slack About How They Look - A lot of meanness can stem from people being too preoccupied about people's appearances. As much as we seem to be hardwired as a species to let appearances influence the way we treat others, human agency obliges us to act above our instincts and to try and be open to seeing the beauty in others beyond what our eyes can see. Some put too much correlation between a person's care in their appearance and their care in the people around them, or even their job. So they might see an unkempt person as apathetic or lazy, and inversely, they might think that people who are well-dressed and well-kept are superficial. The problem does not lie in what society prefers between the two, but rather in its tendency to make appearances be evidence of what a person is like, when the only thing that sets well-dressed people apart from other people is their active interest in dressing well. This also applies to elements in our appearance that are out of our control - our weight, our complexion, our height, our disposition and natural inclination to smile or frown, and whatever else. We must try and see beyond what our eyes can see and therefore give ourselves a chance to interact with others deeply.

Refrain from being mean to people based on what little you know about them; even (or especially) people you think you know well. - All of us have inner struggles we wish other people would take into account when interacting with us in a way we are uncomfortable with. The world would be better off if we all tried to remember that when we deal with others. Sometimes the harsh criticism we throw at people's faces because we think they deserve it could just be the last straw that makes them break down, because they have been dealing with something we knew nothing about.

It's easy to apply this to interactions with people we barely know, because there is less incentive for us to devote so much energy in pulling them apart. In our close relationships however, we assume we know a lot about our loved ones, so we might feel like we are in a good position to be a judge. But this is where a lot is at stake. We can deeply wound people we are close to, and like it or not, there are still some things that we will not know about them simply because we are not them. In fact, they might already be self aware and trying to be better, in which case, the best thing we can offer is emotional support. So it is safe to assume that we need to be kind, even when we criticise for what we feel is a good reason. Throw unnecessary meanness out the window, because when we are able to guide people towards what's best for them without breaking their spirit, then we build trust, instead of a wall of defensiveness.

There will be times where we will have to criticise and fight in order to stand up for a common good-for bigger things, for our countries, the world, the galaxy, THE UNIVERSE?!?!?!!?!
...But in dealing with the people we have in our lives, we can really use trying to be more caring and foster a cooperative, nurturing environment so that when that time comes, we can come together easier. When we are kind, it becomes easier to educate each other, inform each other, care for one another, and come together for common goals that benefit everyone. This is really the simplest, easiest golden rule to live by. It's so simple that it sounds silly, but I think that's part of the point:

Shopping for Advice and Hoarding Wisdom

Imagine shopping for clothes one day, when a beautiful green sweater catches your eye.

You take it home, beaming with happiness. You feel like you've been looking for this sweater all your life. 

It makes you feel a sense of completeness; pride; even.

Then you put it in your closet with all your other clothes.

A few months pass, and the sense of completeness fades. You start itching to go shopping again. You go look for a new sweater.

You only ever wore the green sweater once.

Here's another one. Imagine buying a book that catches your fancy. You're relieved to snag a copy. You know the prints are limited and not everyone can get it. You feel very relieved that you are one of the chosen few. You put it on your shelf to read for later.. You smile at it every once in a while when you pass by your book shelf. You like how it looks like in your room. It feels very "you." But you struggle in finding time to read it. It spends so much time in your shelf that looking at it makes you feel a bit guilty now, and it dampens the feeling it once gave you.

When we buy things, getting the thing is just the first step to the experience of having it. For the item to fulfill you, it must be used according to the purpose it was made for.

The more we forget about the value of what's already there, the more we accumulate more of the same things. We start hoarding, uhm..."collecting" things that kind of just sit there, gathering dust.

Now stop thinking of the sweater and the book, and start thinking about advice you've gotten, read, stumbled upon, through the years. This kind of behaviour isn't strictly reserved to stuff we have in our rooms or houses. Beyond the physical realm, a lot of us have a habit of hoarding unused wisdom. In the sacred room that is our brain.

You receive it, and feel very enlightened to be someone who has this wisdom in their possession, but fail to use it. And so coming across this valuable piece of information becomes meaningless.

You know what I'm talking about right? There are figurative truckloads of overused quotes that you hear or read so much that they start to mean nothing. There are so many nuggets of wisdom that are quite universally familiar to the common person. And yet... Well, look at our world. Heck, just look at your Facebook feed.

Everyone knows they need to value their time more than they value money. Everyone knows that not all available knowledge is verifiable truth. Everyone knows how important empathy is. And yet... And yet.

The thing is, this is difficult for all of us. The second step after acquiring a good -which is actually using it- isn't always natural to us. And it's doubly hard to use advice and wisdom, because at least for our belongings, we are physically reminded that we have them, by their mere presence. It's far more difficult to do this to the contents of our brain and the behaviour that stems from it. Self-Awareness is the trickiest part of self-improvement.

Tricky because it's unlikely to be triggered to even really stop and think about it. There are no obvious signs that point to a lack of self-awareness in ourselves, even though it's easy to see it from other people. But if one feels that they've received so much good advice and yet their situation feels dis-aligned from what this wisdom was supposed to cure, it's pretty safe to say that they've probably been hoarding and not using.

I find this in my own life plenty of times. There are moments of clarity and peace, but every once in a while, because our lives naturally have ebbs and flows, I look at the state of my mind and my life and just go:

Then I'll have to gather myself, and try to focus on just a few nuggets of wisdom and really work on implementing them. Intently, whole-heartedly, self-criticisingly. It's always really messy and painful and humbling, but I always feel better, more together afterwards.

I'm currently undergoing a 90-day project after going to Arriane Serafico's workshop: I'm trying to create content regularly. And I have been struggling. In trying to come out of the rut, I find that using advice that I've known for a long time works just as well as looking for new inspiration. Especially if I've lost touch with the "old" advice. I just have to dust it off, and try it on again. It takes lots of practice and repetition before I feel like I've really learned and used a lesson and not just acquired it, and that first one is the secret to making the advice valuable at all.

It's easy to share a picture with a quote on it when it seems to make sense and is clever. But to be honest, a lot of the time, the people I see who do this very often, and with very varied (not ideologically-aligned) content, I've observed, seem to contradict themselves a lot, or seem to not really apply the wisdom to their lives, or worse, seem to have a habit of preaching, being offensive, or sub-posting (nagpaparinig in Filipino). While the people who do it less often seem to "curate" these pieces of wisdom and have them align with the way they live. They are not swayed by something just because it sounds clever, if they don't believe it. I think it might have to do with a person's relationship and openness to wisdom. Sometimes people like to skim the surface and be entertained or amused, or to criticise, and shame, while other times, they want to embody, teach, and share. Or maybe it has more to do with how careful a person is about what they impart to the world (some of those people I mentioned earlier post a lot of unverified "facts", too. haha.)

It is very easy to find faults in others, but hard to see them in yourself for the same reason that it's easier to make an inventory of what you own in your house VS what memories you have in your brain. We can see, hear, sense these faults around us, because we encounter these people and observe them. There are observable signals from outside ourselves that trigger our conclusions. The only way to observe ourselves is to make a point to do so. It rarely comes from the outside, and if it comes from other people, it's painful and will likely make us too defensive to make a real change.

So where do we start? First of all, when you see a quote that starts with "Some people..." Stop yourself from immediately thinking that you're not one of those people before you even read it. We always think we're on the right side of everything until we are proven wrong. It is very important to try to jump at any occasion to better oneself, before immediately thinking of someone else the advice must be useful to. Nobody wants to be that person who pushes their views, criticises and preaches to everyone but is unaware that everyone else thinks they don't follow their own advice. It also reminds people of advice they think you could use, if you get very critical and preachy to everyone else.

Second, think of the things that make you unhappy that you feel you have no control over. Then, think of the ways you can influence it. Accept that even though a lot of life is about luck, and social systems make it so that it's harder for some people than others, there's a way for you to make it at least a little bit better, and do that thing. This isn't to say that you shouldn't criticise the people that might be responsible, like, it's healthy to criticise some things, like the government, corporate greed, bad parenting or whatnot, but don't stop there and just give up. Do something from where you are. Every little bit helps. Everyone wishes someone else had done something, and yet they don't do much themselves.

Also, word to the wise: as much as you might think someone isn't criticising themselves, don't blatantly tell anyone that they never do. We don't fully know each other's inner journeys and if you happen to accuse someone of this who's actually undergoing a lot of self-criticism at the time, they might just stop trusting you. If you feel it is needed, maybe suggest it as a gentle nudge or ask it as a question. Don't assume!

Lastly, beyond understanding newly-acquired Golden Nuggets of Wisdom (or even old ones, because I'm sure you have a lot of gems in there that you haven't used to their full potential), try and find ways in which they apply to your own life, and think of specific behaviours you have that you could change accordingly. This part is very difficult for me, but I'm slowly learning to make my actions match my thoughts. The key is to keep trying, keep practicing, do it wrong, see what went wrong, change accordingly, fail better, keep applying again and again, keep learning, and to never give up. Or, to try again after every single time where you do give up, because ~even the best fall down sometimes~. 

It's never too late! Let's all do this together!

Inside Out and how Empathy lets Joy "Grow Up" (and its parallelisms with Hector and the Search for Happiness)

*slight spoiler warning*

Inside Out reminds me of Hector and the Search for Happiness.

In this film, Simon Pegg's character Hector starts out pretty unhappy even though he is quite well off. He feels very meh about his very comfortable, "tidy" life. He is a psychiatrist and he listens to his clients' stories with emotional detachment. He tries to find meaning in his life and goes traveling, being the privileged individual who can afford it that he is.

I highly recommend this film for good vibes, by the way.

There is a moment in this film that keeps coming back to Hector, when he finds himself under Tibetan prayer flags, and he hears a voice saying that it takes all of the different colors. It takes all colors.

In Inside Out, this concept is illustrated through the five emotions in Riley's head. At first, it seems as though Joy is the only positive, functional emotion. I'll try not to spoil Hector, but at the end of both movies, the lesson is clear: processing, or working with the other seemingly negative emotions is the way to sustain Joy's functionality. We should not suppress "negative" things, but deal with them and let them allow us to empathise with each other, so that happiness can have meaning. 

As children, for us who are privileged enough in terms of where we live, our world is kept small and simple. At this stage, it is easy and natural for Joy to be the only emotion we come across often. But as we grow up, our world becomes bigger. We are made to deal with a lot of uncomfortable changes in our own lives, and we see the state of the rest of humanity. We also hopefully start to understand other people better, and we are pressured more to take other peoples' feelings into account. A lot of people cannot choose to live without these negative feelings as a result of their life's circumstances, or mental/psychological capabilities, or the experiences they've had.

Even though Inside Out and Hector demonstrate the same concept in very different life stages, both stories put Joy in charge, and allow her to work with the others. Joy is in charge, because it motivates us to keep going on so that we can make things better.

 Both stories attempt to teach the lesson that a meaningful life, one we can be happy to look back on, requires us to be open to all emotions and not suppress pain and discomfort when they come. Processing and going through all of them together, "all the colors", and not clinging too much to joy and comfort so much that it loses all meaning. 

Joy in itself is a dead end, if we don't put it in context with the other emotions. We need to use joy to propel us to ease each others' pain, and our own.. But only after we open our eyes and hearts to find out where that pain is.

Movie Rating: 4 STARS. Really cool, but makes me really want a sequel to feel like it's enough.

A World Where Girls Love Girls

I saw two very young girls at the pool one afternoon, holding each other, looking nervous. The water seemed like something new to them. Like they are to the world. They were new and young and adorable. They looked very different from each other. One was slightly taller and thin, and the other was chubby with a really cute face that reminded me of Rae Earl from MMFD. They looked very different, and yet they held on tight, both needing each other. Both wanting to be there for each other.

It was really cute and a bit surprising to me, for reasons I felt I had to process. I eventually figured that it was seeing an endearing form of sisterhood, seeing them hold on to each other at that age. When I was that age, all I depended on were adults or much older children. And it took me a long while to feel that sort of sisterhood that I read from their gesture. Growing up, whenever I was beside a thinner girl, or a prettier girl, or even a shorter one, which was silly, I eventually somehow learned to want to change or shrink myself. Or otherwise, to feel like I'm the better one. Even if I needed them around me. Even if they needed me around them. I didn't want to be compared. But I ended up doing most of the comparing.

Even though I might never know what made me feel that way, I always felt like I was being compared, it felt like I was being put in a competition I didn't sign up for. But I learned to play it anyway, because it seemed like the only way to go about things. 

This girl is prettier and thinner, but I'm smarter and do this and that better. Oh, but people still like her more... Um, that's okay, that probably means I'm just better than any of them. Somehow.

Didn't mean anything if I was winning or losing whatever competition it was, it felt a bit uncomfortable to be around other girls, it felt bad overall. It felt corrupt. It didn't feel like how a child is supposed to feel. But I felt many things that didn't feel like things I was supposed to feel, so I never got to process this particular one.

Now that I'm older though, I'm more sensitive to clues that point to where my insecurity might have come from. I can see clues when watching women interact with each other, watching men interact with (or objectify) women, even just watching the news, or reading a magazine. (I'm specifying the experience of women here because it's my experience, and there's a different level of pressure given to women by default when it comes to appearances and social roles.)

Everywhere are signals for women to either prove themselves, or to compete with the next woman.. And a lot of signals about a woman's appearance determining her worth.

And a lot of women internalized this. Including me. 

Luckily though, most of this went down before I even considered myself a woman. Now that I'm older, I've learned to celebrate other women's triumphs and encourage their happiness, and genuinely care about them and love them and come from a place of support. And if I do feel jealous at times, I always try to pull myself back, take a breath, and let things that inspire me in, while letting the rest just fall away. I'm still able to be critical of things that need to be critiqued, but I try my best to check if it's coming from a place of jealousy or sexism now. (some people still interpret my criticism of things as me being jealous of course, but that's from their own internalization of this competitive culture among women.)

But being a young girl in a world like this can be really tough. I always feel a tinge of hurt when I see chubby girls get teased, when they grow to be bitter or sassy as a result, and receive more ire and criticism for dealing with it that way when they probably can't help it. (They're kids! I mean really..)

But now that I'm grown up, I can sense a huge wave of change taking over. The good thing about the internet age is that you can surround yourself with information you want to be surrounded by. I surround myself with positive messengers of love, people who see through the double standards the world puts on certain people, and try to be equal and inclusive about language and representation. It feels encouraging, inspiring, and I aspire to be this kind of voice in the world. And it's reassuring to see the next generation of parents be this way. Most of them anyway.

But after logging off, it's of course, a different story. In my day-to-day life, and media that I don't get to pick and choose (and what most people are exposed to by default) the inequalities I faced as a kid are still rampant, widespread, and most of all, unrecognized and unchecked. To me, that is the worst part. When a horrible thing is normalized, it makes otherwise well-meaning but not very critical people vulnerable to its influence. I see many people I know doing things and saying things that I now see are symptoms of a society that lets oppression run free, so long as you have a certain kind of conviction or you pay the right price.

And this isn't me putting groups against each other, because I often see, for example, women policing other women's clothes, life choices, appearances, and therefore being complicit and even contributing to their own oppression. Or in non-gender-specific sense, people selling their votes to people who will just perpetuate the kind of dysfunction that puts them in that place where they need to sell it anyway. 

In the end, it's not any single person's ideas about the world, but a general culture where any person's bad ideas about the world are left unchecked, uncorrected, and even promoted, perpetuated, even institutionalized. Because the human species is a social one. We need each other to learn. We need each other to help more people. We work in groups, we have an innate need to touch each other's lives. And we will save SO MUCH MORE TIME in cooperating if we stop trying to control each other, boxing people up in clear-cut groups, or ostracizing those who are different (and, ehem, policing and obsessing over other people's sexual lives and bodies hellloooo?!), and start taking advantage of our differences and nuances to see how they positively contribute to the whole group. Because this is how we can stop children thinking something's wrong with them and growing up to be people focused on doing things and getting out there into the world, rather than trying to change themselves. I sure could have used that growing up.

So I guess, if you're new to this whole feminism thing, the takeaway is to check yourself. Before saying anything bad about a female celebrity, or your daughter's friend, or your cousin's new girlfriend, think about three things:

1. Would I be spewing this garbage if it was a man?
2. Is it my business or responsibility to say this piece of ~information~*
3. Did I take the time to get to know her as a person and not just how she appears (or is marketed/covered by the media) before making conclusions?

*term used loosely

And as a bonus, some proof that we are meant to cooperate as a species!:

I want to wake up someday in a world where the people I care about no longer project their insecurities on each other by bringing them down, and therefore encouraging more insecurity. I want to put the sense of mutual support and love I saw that afternoon from those two girls in a jar, to save it, to remember it, so I will always remember what to aim for. 

Open.

I’ve been trying to figure out what it is.

x

Over the past year it feels as though I’ve done a 180, or maybe an actual 360, as it feels as if I’m still in the same place, looking at the same things, but with a completely different outlook.

I’ve been feeling more connected to other humans. I’ve always felt sort of alien to my own kind up to this point, but lately it’s as if I’m turning into the person I’d always desired to be like in my interactions with other humans. It’s as if all my life I’ve been nervously observing myself interacting with others rather than just, well, really interacting with them. I’ve also felt more connected to myself, in that there are rarely times where I feel too trapped in my own head, unable to look at myself and my life objectively in order to make changes, unable to pick myself out from emotional ruts I shouldn’t even be having.

Of course, it’s still hard to have self-discipline and self-control, it’s still hard to follow my own schedule, it’s still hard to get into the habit of doing, but for all intents and purposes I’ve reached a point where I don’t feel damaged anymore. I feel like I’m just like everyone else now, learning, trying, aiming. Not constantly trying to pat broken pieces back into cracks and holes that wouldn’t hold them. Not falling apart.

I don’t feel like escaping when I talk to people I haven’t decided I liked yet. More importantly, I don’t feel like my brain decides to even dislike anyone as much as I used to do. I’m discovering that I had unknowingly harbored a personal social environment that had more antagonism than was needed. I wasn’t really looking for fights or anything, I just didn’t really like anyone by default; I was suspicious and not trusting of other people. But now, even when I know the bad stuff, I could rise above it and make interactions as pleasant as I could muster anyway.

art my own

Is it something new I’ve learned? I ask myself. As much as I’d like to think so, as reassuring it is to think that I’ve reached some sort of magical threshold or epiphany that will push me forward without as much effort as I’ve needed to get to this point, I feel that the real answer is really a lot simpler, practical, and logical. It’s about as magical as a flower blooming after it’s gotten enough sunlight, nutrients, and time. That’s not saying it’s not an amazing thing, but rather that it’s not really extraordinary or unexpected in its magical-ness. It’s just.. natural. As magical as nature. Magical, but not unexplainable.

I just had more enough exposure and interactions with people. The threshold I reached was one of mere experience partnered with a new-found comfort in willingness to open myself. I think I spent my life being guarded because I tried to protect myself, which is also natural and normal because I must have felt weak and empty before. Maybe lately, because I’ve been letting myself love more, I’ve just been feeling that my heart has been full, nurtured, and strong enough to emotionally exert myself more in other ways. 

Maybe in letting myself go through a wider spectrum of emotion, I’ve come to know other people better too. To empathize better with more kinds of them, so stretch my understanding more than I was able to before. 

Whatever it is, I like it. I finally feel that I belong wherever I am.

Don't be a victim.

nobody’s stopping you from expressing your thoughts. 

everyone has pain

and everyone who can express their pain have done their share of trying to find the words. 

just because you haven’t found yours doesn’t mean you can sit there and blame everyone else.

they struggled too. they fought too.

just try harder.

Be kind to happy people too

“It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton.

I have to admit that I used to be one of those people who shy away from enthusiasm. I feared it would make me look dumb. I didn't realize the power of enthusiasm until I decided I want to be happy and enthusiastic and just did it, and saw the effects.

It made people ease up around me. It made people feel welcome. Best of all, it made people feel enthusiastic about the same goals.

That being said, there are downsides. When people are in a good mood, people around them immediately assume that it's because they have it good. It's not a person's first instinct to assume that a person WORKS to achieve happiness, they assume that the person is happy as an effect of good things happening in their life without any effort on their part.

When you communicate that you have it better, intentionally or not, you subsequently assert power over them, like stated in this Cracked article. And that makes people want to assert their power, to soothe their ego.

Unhappiness is also way to assert power because

1. people who are critical tend to be perceived as more discerning and smart
2. when you don't ride someone's flow, someone's enthusiasm, it's like saying "you don't have power over me", regardless of what the end point is to you cooperating with their goals. (PROTIP: cooperating towards a single goal yields better results for everyone)
3. to say you are unhappy is a way to tell people they have to cut you some slack, to take it easy on you.

Only, unhappiness is easier to maintain than happiness. Happy people are normally treated like shit because they are perceived as shallow, dumb, and bereft of substance. Therefore, a lot of times, being happy is a huge social risk, and intentionally choosing it is actually very brave, for someone who naturally isn't this way.

This is the fear I found is attached to the fear I keep encountering in trying to make this project I have for Valentines work. I feel silly having to act enthusiastic about my own product. I feel stupid having to promote my own creations. I feel dumb having to promote myself.

I exposed too easily. I'm an introvert and need to be on my own a lot. It's easier for me to talk about ideas, and at most my discernment of them than to paint a very detailed picture about my life and experiences everyday, as you can maybe sniff out from this blog of mine. I just often can't risk exposing myself.. I don't like feeling like people are picking me apart.

But I want to believe that that's how everyone feels when they put themselves out there. Every artist feels this way when they paint, draw, write, etc something. It's something we all have to eventually face. And even though I was a very exposed person in higschool, I have to go through the process of opening up again, because I've changed a lot from that time, and my goals and missions are very different.

And choosing to be happy is a way of choosing to put one's self "out there"... You're choosing to expose your happiness, allowing other people to put you down for it. And it's not dumb as it may seem. You need to wrestle with a lot of challenging mental exercises in knowing how to deal with people effectively and kindly.

So if you reader, if you're someone like this, if you're one of the happy ones, and if you're struggling because of it, I want to tell you that I appreciate what you are doing. I want you to know that there are people who understand how hard it is. And I hope you don't let people bring you down. Stay happy. Stay strong. Surround yourself with supportive people and support people like you. We need more people like you in this planet.

Talking Responsibility (L intended)

I know a lot of people, myself included, who sometimes feel like they are ailed by some condition that makes them unable to speak their opinions and thoughts to people. They often compare themselves to "the others" who can say what they want when they need to. They (we) play the victim, and when not careful, they snowball into acting as if the world is actively not letting them say what they want to say. As if some force is deliberately misunderstanding them, disrespecting them, misjudging them.

Now if there's one thing that these past few weeks have taught me, it's that you can never take too much control over how you appear to the world. Not in a creepy, dual-persona kind of way, but in how you showcase your thoughts, opinions, and what you have to offer. Some people are born as introverts, but not all of them play the victim because of it. If you are an introvert who feels that people should take you into consideration more than they do, here's some food for thought:

Think about your regular thought process when dealing with a bunch of people. Do you always look for the most quiet person and imagine all of the possible things that could be going on in their head right now? Chances are you have you own things going on in your head. Everyone has things going on in their head. What makes us able to share these things with each other? Communication. How could you really hear someone unless that person speaks? As the wise John Green simply puts it: Use your words. 

There is too much of an air of martyrdom placed upon the person who chooses to be silent. Now, there are times that silence is better than saying anything at all. But when it comes to a point where something needs to be said, and you have it in you, but you're all like, listen to what I'm not saying (some quote I found on Tumblr or something) you have to understand that if people don't, it's not their fault. Your head is your territory and unless someone's psychic or whatever, you have exclusive access to it. Your thoughts and how to deport them are your responsibility. Take that responsibility. Use your words.

Quiet, loud, or wherever in between, everyone needs to be understood. Even some people who are "loud" aren't necessarily good at making themselves understood. In fact, a lot of outspoken people suffer from saying the wrong thing, or saying the right thing the wrong way, no matter how good their intentions are. All of us need to practice this thing called communication. We all desire, and therefore need to learn how to relate to each other. It's not just us shy people who have communication problems.

You don't need to have politician-swagger, a loud voice, or some subliminal messaging tricks in your back pocket to sway people. You don't even really have to "sway" people. You just have to make sure that when you can speak, you either speak or take responsibility for your silence. And not blame everyone for not letting you speak. You're always allowed by your surroundings until actively stifled. Try it. Use your words.

It always surprises me how well things get fixed when, instead of wallowing in my inability to gather courage to say what's in my head and feeling defeated, I use the time to formulate the best way to say it instead. A moment always comes along where it would then feel natural to say it, and sometimes it even comes out better than I formed it in my head. It's certainly better than blurting things out in a moment of passion and sounding angry when I'm just shy, a blooper I've done way too many times in the past (also possibly the reason why I'm quieter now).

If this hits too close to home, don't feel bad. This is not about blame. This is about something else entirely. This about the silent, shy, soft spoken person recognizing that he/she has the power to change his/her circumstances by saying something. That everyone has a license to speak in an equal society, and people who live in these societies are lucky. Some people out there are actually not allowed to speak for themselves in everyday life.

This is just a culmination of what I've been learning about myself (and other people) lately. I'm glad that I'm finally seeing the healthy middle ground of things. I'm in a place where I'm trying to break the connection between being outspoken and being aggressive. I like learning how to say things better, and more importantly, to just say things when I need to. So much time is wasted with feeling bad when all we have to do is to speak of our discomfort.

There. A big ol wordfart. Sorry bout that, just had to use my words.

making an effort

Here's some ambient music for while you're reading this post. Heheheheh

A while ago I posted about not letting happiness depend on the people on your life. Not expecting or wanting them to be anything more then selfish, so that you can focus on feeling good on your own, instead of secretly expecting things from them.

Plant your OWN garden and decorate your OWN soul...instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. ~ Veronica A. Shoffstall

But I didn't get to write about the flipside of the whole thing. The reason why I wrote about that was because my life journey has lead me to learn that when people say "You can't change other people, you can only change yourself.", it applies to more than just everyday annoyances and simple who-does-what or work methods. It also applies to friendships, and the art of nurturing them. That was the part where I decided to deal with the fact that I can't change my friend into being a better friend to me.

I was at a time where I felt abandoned by her. But deciding to stop caring what she does didn't stop me from being nice to her and making an effort to be present.

Saying that the world will be a better place if people stopped expecting other people to be gracious and caring to them doesn't mean that it would be a better place if people stopped being gracious and caring to other people. It would make the world cold and emotionless.

(Disclaimer: There are moments where voicing out your neglected needs in a relationship, instead of silently focusing on the fact that they are neglected, is better when you can't ignore them. It may bring to your friend's/lover's attention something that has actually been a blind spot for them and may give them a chance to make things better. The people who won't even bat an eyelash or try to are not worth your tears.)

If everyone was giving but expected nothing in return, what a sane world it would be.

Make an effort for the people you want to keep in your life, because as much as you'd like to believe they'll keep the light on for you, even if they do, they will naturally feel less close to you. Especially when there's other people around who care for them just as much as they do.

It's not so much about growing apart, but human nature and common sense. You stop making an effort, you stop getting results. You stop talking to them, you stop knowing about them. You stop acting interested in them, they stop thinking you like them. And what are friends other than people who like each other?

Don't rely too much on catching up. Don't be too sure that one day you'll spend the whole afternoon together and it would be like nothing changed. Don't let people happen to you. Don't be too stuck up, saying it's not your style to be consistent, or caring, or to answer when someone calls. When you ignore someone, it's not as simple as not doing something towards the good of the relationship. You actually do something towards the friendship's deterioration by omission. When you say it's not your thing to be a good friend, you're making it so that it won't be your thing to have friends.

Make an effort. Not because you read it here, but because you want to keep the people you love close.

How to Shrug It Off

There will be times in our lives where people will tell us things we don't want to hear.

There are times where it's something helpful, there are times when it's not, and there are those times were some of it is helpful but not all of it. Those ones are the hardest to deal with.

It's easy to shrug it off when it's a stranger, or a random person. Mean anons on Tumblr, for example, are usually so easily shrugged off with a comeback. Their words enter your brain, and maybe flutter in your chest for a second, but usually, they don't have the power to hate yourself. They only make you hate them.

However, personally, when it's an important person in my life, it becomes a little tricky. It suddenly feels like I have to defend myself, because it matters to me what they think is true. And in some level at times, I might also start to believe what they say.

I am faced with this right now, and I want to share with you what I want to do about it. This is me telling myself these things.

1. Remember that they are words. You can take them or leave them. After the initial sting wears off, organize your thoughts. Consider what was said, but remember that just because these people are close to you, doesn't mean their words should be taken without contemplation. Assigning so much more weight on the things they've said that they didn't even think about than you would if it was a random person does not prove that you love them. It just gives them a greater chance to hurt you, which nobody really wants to have. If they love you, I assure you that they don't want that. They don't want to hurt you, they just don't understand you.
2. Take the good with you. When you find something helpful in what they have said, dust it off of the unnecessary hurtful things, and take the part that is helpful with you. For example, turn "you don't care about anyone else, you're so lazy" into "I should do more chores".. This part is very hard to do because your brain will repeat the hurtful stuff. When it does, just tell it calmly and sternly (emotionally resisting will give it more power) "no that's not true. i don't need that." and focus on the task at hand, that is, in this example, doing chores.
3. Don't argue with a close-minded person. It just escalates the argument, no matter what tone you take. If the person has a preconceived image of you in their mind and are not open to reconsider, you will hear it in their voice. When they describe you to yourself, it will sound like they are very sure, while it sounds ridiculous and wrong to you. Just say what needs to be said calmly and statement-like. Rid it of all emotional bursts because an angry person will feed off of that and make it grow bigger. They subconsciously are looking for an emotional reaction to escalate from. It's not their fault, they just don't see what they are doing in their state. Take the higher road and
4. Just know who you are. Be so sure of it that nobody can tell you otherwise and convince you. Love yourself, trust yourself, and let yourself become the person you want to be. A lot of times these people might tell us something about who we are that we don't agree with, because our state of mind is different from our state of doing. It's not what they see. And that's okay. Don't live in their terms. Live in yours. If you feel like the best is yet to come for you, just do your best to close the gap. WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT YOURSELF IS WHAT'S IMPORTANT. Be so happy about who you are that there's little room for insecurity. Every once in a while someone knocks us out of balance by saying things like this, so we need time to pull ourselves back to our center. Remember that who you are is enough. Finally,
5. Don't hold grudges. Once in a while, try to look at things from their point of view. If something important needs to be said, say it calmly, but say it. Don't make a habit of keeping things inside and letting them eat you. If you can't let go of them, let the person concerned help you. Have a healthy discussion about it. But only initiate these if it's needed. Doing this too much actually creates chaos. Your goal, always, should be creating peace. Don't be so hungry in defending yourself. Pull your head out of your ass and see the world around you. Work with the bigger picture in mind. Your image is not crucial for humankind's well-being.

In the end we're all just little specks in the universe. We all have brains, we all have wrongs, we all have rights. But in any case we can only see the world through our personal experiences. Allow a healthy distance between you and the important people in your life. Remember that you can be one, but never the same. Don't expect ANYONE to understand you all the time, to be everything you need, or to fill the "role" your mind has for them in your life perfectly. We are all just people. Our roles should not define us in this time and age. If they did, a lot of human rights will be trampled on. Live and let live.

How to not F*ck Relationships Up

 (not just on Valentine's, but for the whole year!)

The most festive title for the most festive of occasions!

        For two people who share a lot in common or understand each other and love and respect each other very deeply anyway, for love to work is natural. What really happens when shit hits the fan is that we get in the way. We weatherproof, we get greedy, we get needy, we worry, we blame, we overthink... We create all of the batshit craziness that ends up spoiling all the fun.

        These are things I've learned and am still learning about relationship maintenance. A lot of this was inspired by an article I found in Reader's Digest back when I was single, awkward and forever alone (I was around 15) Being the big emosh-fixer that I am, I somehow felt the need to remember the information even though it didn't apply to me yet. I read the article over and over, flipping back and forth, absorbing all I can, and I even took notes in my cellphone. I felt like it was my duty to keep this treasure that I found (seriously, it felt really precious and revolutionary to me) and if I die single and never get to use it for my own life, I could always comfort my friends with it when they are in the middle of hard times. Little did I know that very shortly I would have found the magic of internet archives and it would be available online anyway.

       

          Anyway, time has fermented the teachings in me, and through osmosis they have been reduced to simpler, easier to remember nuggets of wisdom that have either become natural to me, or more accessible to remember. I'm now going to simplify the best things that I learned and lived, and share them:

1) Blame is Lame

Optimism: Because anything can go wrong if you set your mind to it.

       Intimate relationships. They are sensitive. When we become so attached to a particular person, we start to become dependent on them. They are suddenly responsible for our whole emotional well-being. We identify to them, and when they fail to give us something we think we need from them, we freak out. Calmeth thine teats. Take a step back brosef, and understand that sometimes we need to ASK for things. Not in a "WHY HAVEN'T YOU DONE THIS" kind of way, but in a "You know what? I would like it if you..." Because let's face it. Most of the population is not psychic. Instead of freaking out and blaming your partner for their shortcomings (or whatever else goes wrong in your life, like your toilet not flushing) give them a gentle poke towards the right direction (okay, not necessarily the "right" direction especially if you're kind of a psycho, but towards whatever you feel you might need.).. This way, with some hope, and time, and some laws of nature, your partner will get to know you better and better and feel encouraged to do it whenever s/he does something right. I don't want to sound like I'm comparing people to dogs but, positive reinforcement, man. (great. now I sound like a speciesist. Whatever.)

If you try to change each other by scolding and complaining, you will already feel like you failed at something. It just sucks the fun out of everything. We start feeling insecure now, and stupid, and in some cases, we start looking for other people who will give that great feeling again, the one we felt at the start, when our loved one made us feel good about ourselves. Rather than pure evil. 

You keep hurting meee. You keep hurting mee!

2) See the Good.

Extreme Grammar Nazis: The new cat ladies

    It only makes sense to be right if it betters the situation. OR if you're in a debate in national TV or something. And even in that situation I think the same goes. I would still want the (for example) politician who can make the world a better place to be the one regarded as "right". I'm not saying we should let each other get away with everything. I'm just saying that, in our individual quests for justice I hope we don't fail in the quest for happiness. And joy. And joyness. I don't see the sense in being right if it antagonizes my loved one senselessly.

Instead of looking at it as "you're right I'm wrong" or "I'm wrong you're right" let us focus on just "how do we make this work for both of us?" Think win-win. The question of wrongness or rightness is just a matter of pride, mostly. Feel free to consider each other's opinion, and be honest with what you really THINK is correct instead of what you WANT to be correct. Think in third person. Now, this is very sensitive and difficult at times. For example, when one is like, TOTALLY in the wrong, and one is in the right but a very gentle person? Would it be good if the gentler person yielded to the psycho one? Not really. So this really only works with people who are in it together and understand and respect each other. So, if you're reading this and you want to implement it, it's really a lot more beneficial if you let your partner read it too. *cough*

See the general good, the universal good, and what's good in your partner. That's really all that matters. The good stuff. Look at the stuff you LIKE about them. Because if you focus on the bad... Little things become really bad stuff and... You'll get a hurricane on your face.

3) It's the Little Things

Cheesiness: Not so disgusting when you're both guilty of it. PS: Hi hairy arms :p~

     Be silly. leave them notes. They don't have to be overtly cheesy or romantic, they can be just hilarious. And it would still be sweet, because no matter what it says, what it says under the lines is simple: "I thought of you." Making our presence felt as much as we can can mean everything to our partners. Even if its just putting the blanket over their sleeping bodies, leaving a text, cleaning the toilet, whatever floats your boat, when the person feels like you thought of them even when you weren't around them, it makes it clear to them that you're CHOOSING to be with them. You're not just stuck in something you signed up for in the start and don't really want anymore, you're not just comfortable and used to the routine of it all, you're really there and you love them, and you're choosing them again and again everyday.

Have a lovely Valentine's day (or night c;)