Saturday, November 24, 2012

Talking Responsibility (L intended)

I know a lot of people, myself included, who sometimes feel like they are ailed by some condition that makes them unable to speak their opinions and thoughts to people. They often compare themselves to "the others" who can say what they want when they need to. They (we) play the victim, and when not careful, they snowball into acting as if the world is actively not letting them say what they want to say. As if some force is deliberately misunderstanding them, disrespecting them, misjudging them.

Now if there's one thing that these past few weeks have taught me, it's that you can never take too much control over how you appear to the world. Not in a creepy, dual-persona kind of way, but in how you showcase your thoughts, opinions, and what you have to offer. Some people are born as introverts, but not all of them play the victim because of it. If you are an introvert who feels that people should take you into consideration more than they do, here's some food for thought:

Think about your regular thought process when dealing with a bunch of people. Do you always look for the most quiet person and imagine all of the possible things that could be going on in their head right now? Chances are you have you own things going on in your head. Everyone has things going on in their head. What makes us able to share these things with each other? Communication. How could you really hear someone unless that person speaks? As the wise John Green simply puts it: Use your words. 

There is too much of an air of martyrdom placed upon the person who chooses to be silent. Now, there are times that silence is better than saying anything at all. But when it comes to a point where something needs to be said, and you have it in you, but you're all like, listen to what I'm not saying (some quote I found on Tumblr or something) you have to understand that if people don't, it's not their fault. Your head is your territory and unless someone's psychic or whatever, you have exclusive access to it. Your thoughts and how to deport them are your responsibility. Take that responsibility. Use your words.

Quiet, loud, or wherever in between, everyone needs to be understood. Even some people who are "loud" aren't necessarily good at making themselves understood. In fact, a lot of outspoken people suffer from saying the wrong thing, or saying the right thing the wrong way, no matter how good their intentions are. All of us need to practice this thing called communication. We all desire, and therefore need to learn how to relate to each other. It's not just us shy people who have communication problems.

You don't need to have politician-swagger, a loud voice, or some subliminal messaging tricks in your back pocket to sway people. You don't even really have to "sway" people. You just have to make sure that when you can speak, you either speak or take responsibility for your silence. And not blame everyone for not letting you speak. You're always allowed by your surroundings until actively stifled. Try it. Use your words.

It always surprises me how well things get fixed when, instead of wallowing in my inability to gather courage to say what's in my head and feeling defeated, I use the time to formulate the best way to say it instead. A moment always comes along where it would then feel natural to say it, and sometimes it even comes out better than I formed it in my head. It's certainly better than blurting things out in a moment of passion and sounding angry when I'm just shy, a blooper I've done way too many times in the past (also possibly the reason why I'm quieter now).

If this hits too close to home, don't feel bad. This is not about blame. This is about something else entirely. This about the silent, shy, soft spoken person recognizing that he/she has the power to change his/her circumstances by saying something. That everyone has a license to speak in an equal society, and people who live in these societies are lucky. Some people out there are actually not allowed to speak for themselves in everyday life.

This is just a culmination of what I've been learning about myself (and other people) lately. I'm glad that I'm finally seeing the healthy middle ground of things. I'm in a place where I'm trying to break the connection between being outspoken and being aggressive. I like learning how to say things better, and more importantly, to just say things when I need to. So much time is wasted with feeling bad when all we have to do is to speak of our discomfort.

There. A big ol wordfart. Sorry bout that, just had to use my words.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

wanting it all

i don't know what to do with my life.
and i realised that it's not because i don't have money,
or because i lack experience
it's because i don't know what i wanna do.

i want to make chocolates
i want to paint
i want to write children's books
i want to illustrate children's books
i want to do improv
i want to make toys
i want to voice cartoons
i want to film travels
i want to film people
i want to film cute things
i want to sell organizing stuff that are cute and clever and useful
etc, etc, etc.

i simply want it all!

i told beardy my problem, and without even having to think about it, he says, try everything out. then decide on what you want to invest on.

brilliant. see this is why i choose you beardachu.

"Side Beard"

an on-the-spot three part haiku piece showcasing how a full-grown mature adult expresses her love to another full-grown adult.

side beard oh side beard
you have a sexy side beard
this is a haiku

side beard sweet side beard
here, have another side beard.
ruffly scruffly do.

these have been haikus
about your sexy side beard,
sleeping emmypoo.

reviving gratitude for today

     The sad part of being constantly free is the tendency to forget how lucky one is to be this way. I tend to forget, not just how lucky I am, but how many things I am free to do exactly. I neglect the possibilities that are open to me. I somehow don't see them anymore.

    When I didn't have my own laptop, I would fantasize about downloading all of the films, music, and series I could. I reached that point when my mom replaced her laptop and passed it on to me, and although I did get to build an archive of media, my attitude towards movies had changed after a few years, especially after being "a film major". Now it's as if watching a movie is a thing to be ticked off of my to-do list. I somehow hesitate to start when it's a movie I feel I "need" to see. I'm more inclined to watch senseless things randomly, like last night when someone gave me a movie title, not even something critically acclaimed, but I impulsively downloaded it and watched it, no problem.

     Is this my tendency to avoid things that I think are good for me? I think so. But to this point I don't know what causes this.

Maybe I want to save the best things for when I'm a better person? What does that tell me? I guess I'm not treating myself the way I should. I don't give myself the best I can. I know what's good for me, but I somehow avoid em. What's that all about? Do I think I'm not worthy at this point for better things because I'm not better? But see, I know that letting myself experience the better things will make ME better.

Today I wished for time for my future self. I wished that my future self would have enough time, even as she works, and travels maybe 6 hours every day, to read, to paint, to learn things, and to broaden herself. Then I realize, what am I doing? I have time now. What am I doing with that?

     I keep projecting things unto the future. I'm 22 and still disconnected to my projections as a 17 year old. Soon I'll be 27 thinking about what the hell I've done with those five years after I've thought about these things I want to do. I don't need to be clairvoyant to see this. I merely need to keep up this attitude.

No longer. All I will ever have is today.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Currently (2012.11.15)


this fella coming over tonight :3

my very own sleeping beauty so regal as he sleeps.
I'm sorry for posting this everywhere, my regal baby.
Nervous about: meeting my professor tomorrow. He didn't really sit down with me when I went there on Tuesday. We're doing it tomorrow instead. I'm sure it'll be fine though.

Inspired by: 

Elizabeth: The Golden Age. Love me some films about strong women.  

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Point Of Hue (12.11.14)

life lately in pictures :)

 that day i made myself some midnight taters and lemonade
(btw did i mention how much i love honey mustard dressing with taters? i save the free packets from ready-to-eat salads in the grocery so i can use them with my potatoes.)

tiny tea sets and earrings

taking a picture of how long my hair was before i cut it for my graduation photo shoot (went past my butt)

graduation photo

lovely "tiramisu" chocolate from Hong Kong

i'm undergoing a red apple phase...must be all of that snow white and disney and once upon a time stuff.

things i do when i'm mad... (lol@"doubleyuW)

I really had to make it a point to take pictures of my best friends and me. My shutter senses are somehow off when I'm out and about in the city. Good thing I remembered before we went home! 

We ate subs on the grass near the Christmas tree displays across Starbucks. I don't think people did that and it became sort of a funny social experiment to see if the guards will ask us to leave. They ended up just pacing around looking unsure XD

As you can see, Carmen is wearing her work ID. And I visited the gallery that Aizel designed. I'm both envious of them and happy for them that they're already working in their fields! But envious in an inspired kinda way. But I feel pressured too. Won't be long now for me I guess. *fingers crossed*

how to: build your own home waxing kit

Even though my url, "thehowtofactory" is more of an inside joke than an actual descriptive url, i don't think it'll hurt if i actually make a couple of how-to's here and there. here's one i've been meaning to make for a while, but never really got to. how to build your own home waxing kit. i think i've posted an infographic before on how to make the wax itself, but for more in-depth instructions, here's the one i used:

Anyway, you basically gather the following:

  1. a jar for your sugar wax
  2. baby powder or any ol' plain body powder, you can use old person powder if you like
  3. some popsicle sticks (i used to have like, just one which i used over and over before i found out that it was called double-dipping and was gross.)
  4. waxing strips (i have both store-bought ones and cloth ones, although i don't always use them or the popsicle sticks because sugar wax can be used on its own with just your hands)
  5. an after-waxing soothing lotion. i use Mild Like Chamomile by Nancy Rose's Queen Bee, available at Watson's. a good alternative is to put some tea tree oil (and by some i mean very little, like a drop) in some gentle body lotion (non-fragranced is best since you don't want to irritate your pores)
  6. and optionally, a waxing salon price list to remind you of how much money you're saving:

disclaimer: i love LayBare though. really good service, really affordable.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

What's in my bag (12.11.13)


today will be a busy day (relatively, for a person comme moi)

and i decided to make a photopost of what my bag will contain just because

unfortunately, my camera obviously needed to be IN the shot (didn't realise this until i set it up LOL what a booboohead) hence the grainy, unpretty flip video photo.

i just liked how uniform-ish the colors looked like.

so basically, these are what you can see in this photo:
  • my little Paris metro bag/clutch to contain my touch-uppers, since i will be having a grad pictorial in the morning and don't want to wear the same makeup the whole day! inside are wet wipes, make up wipes, and some make up in case i wanted to wear some after cleaning up.
  • my printed thesis with revision notes from my adviser, a notebook and pen for note-taking. i will be meeting up with my adviser to discuss the revisions i have to make :) i have two/three months to revise so i'm not feeling so low about doing work that i'm not the best at, in fact i feel motivated :D
  • the whole box of macaroon lipbalms i got from Sasa in Hong Kong (see bigger image below). i might meet some of my friends who i wanted to gift them to. also the reason why i'm bringing Nikki (that's my camera's name.).. i really don't have enough pictures with my closest friends! especially lately. time to change that!
  • i'm also bringing my planner and a book in case ideas come while i'm on the road, and if not, to have something else to do. 

it's not necessarily complete, but the point that i feel like making is how nice it is that we can see what people are up to by lookin' at what's in their bags. i've seen a lot of people do this same sort of thing (with much better pictures that the one i took obviously) and i completely understand the appeal. it's partly vanity, partly basking in the delight that little things can bring, and partly freezing time, literally taking a picture of how you used to sort your things. only, for me, since i don't always go out, it's more of taking a picture of what i'm up to in a particular day.

what's in your bag?

Monday, November 12, 2012

lists don't take you everywhere

do you ever get the sense that you list so much on your to-do list but end up doing so little?

i'm trying this thing where, when ideas come to mind, like little chores, i do them instead of noting them down for later.

i got so many little things done today because of this. i feel like when i list tasks, they somehow feel partly finished to me, and i end up being lax at actually doing them. weird.

so far i've done a lot of preparing for tomorrow and other random chores, namely:

  1. cleaning up and repolishing my nails
  2. using my nose strip thing
  3. brushing my teeth a second time (im trying to brush three times a day to whiten em; so far i only remember to do it twice a day)
  4. packing up my bag 
  5. queuing two blog posts for tomorrow and the next day
  6. fixing my room
  7. taking out the trash
  8. charging my phone and camera
  9. etc
and i do feel like i accomplished a lot. if i listed them down before doing them i don't think i'd have done them all. so even though i was really itching to list them down because i felt like i was going to forget some if i don't, i resisted and mentally checked them off instead. surprisingly, my brain was able to remind me of things just fine. as long as i kept moving. i'm learning to trust you more, subconscious. yay for our partnership.

i think i'll stick to doing lists for the next day instead of the present day. a bad habit of mine is to pace too much back and forth, gearing myself up to do something. i mentally over-prepare, but i under-do.
listing them down the day before will prepare my subconscious without me having to look at the list again and again while im in the middle of things. i think that's what i did in freshman year anyway. back when i was super productive.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

revising resolutions

Yesterday I started re-orienting my resolutions for the months to come. You may remember me doing the first round of this round the end of last year in my very first post blog post. Well it's been a year since, and I'm sorta in a transitionary stage so it doesn't really have to be January. 

I'm planning to unite two resolution/goal setting methods into a little handbook that I might make more than one copy of, so I can sell them :3

Along with this, I recently changed the writings on my bathroom wall, to comprise of just keywords that I find motivating:

I can't believe I'm about to change the last digit on that thingy. Maybe I'll change it altogether, though :)

Change feels nice. New is nice.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Taking "acting naturally" seriously

...sounds like an oxymoron no? But I'm slowly learning that it often pays to push yourself to do what's natural to you, just because no matter what we are genuinely interested in, (we being lazy, detached people like me) our mindless, default habits simply have the ability to win us over very easily.

I see it in myself all the time. For example, I have so many passions in life: food, comedy, writing, fiction, non-fiction, biographies, travel, animals, music, art... But how many of those things do I really get to do everyday, or at least regularly? A very small percent. Why? Could it be that I'm not actually at all that passionate about them? I considered this once, and decided to "take it easy" and to do what's natural. I ended up sitting on my butt and procrastinating for years.

What's natural isn't always what's the easiest, although it's always easier than what isn't natural.

Inaction can very easily look like you're only doing what's natural, and that's scary. It's like a raisin cookie disguising itself as a chocolate chip cookie. But once you see the difference between being in your element and taking action, and just going by whim and, say, watching TV all day and not producing anything worthwhile because it feels natural, then it will be easier to catch yourself and to familiarize yourself with the feeling of creatively being in your element, so that you can follow that feeling again and again.

I'm beginning to think that once you do it enough, then you won't have to push everyday. It will feel like second nature, life Finn over here. He's just always ready for adventure. He takes foolin' around and punchin' buns seriously, like it's his job. Because he's habitualized it, he feels antsy when he just sits around. And that thought is very comforting to me. Gives me hope, man.

What Editing Can Do

picture one:
picture two: (not the best of the bunch i did with s'mores, but if you stick around i'll give you pics of s'more s'mores. Heh. S'more s'mores.)
edited version:

What to take out of this:

Food looks better with good lighting, dimension and contrast. And it has to occupy a lot of the frame, so it can be the main focus. If you can't accomplish taking a decent picture, you can go a long way by zooming and brightening. 

Now, for the food porn:

These are obviously not perfect, but I'll keep practicing! :3 It's fun combining two passions into one.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Do your way through change

My journey towards changing myself into my ideal self (not there yet, but I’m continuously progressing) reminds me a lot of the process of acting. Not in that it’s fake. Most people brush over the fact that to be a convincing actor, you don’t simply pretend. You have to be convinced yourself.

To portray a character, one does not need to understand or justify the frame of mind of the person they will portray. They simply need to internalize the character. To absorb the character enough that their movements and reactions come from a sincere, organic, spontaneous place rather than having to process and analyze the situation before deciding to react a certain way.

Real change is something you can't think your way through in. You have to do your way though. Thinking helps, and it can help A LOT, but until you close the gap between thinking and doing, it won't yield the results you want.

Very recently, something just clicked in me. Some separating sheath dissolved between me and who I want to be. Suddenly, I wasn’t trying anymore. I just became.

It’s so hard to explain and identify, but it undeniably happened.

I’m not saying I’m perfect now, or that I’ve done what I want to be doing in my life. But that I now feel capable of what I want to do. There’s no longer a disconnect between how I want to act and how I’m really acting.

Often I watch myself before I react, and this often ends up with me reacting in the ‘coolest’ way possible. I didn’t want to appear too impressed, too pushy, too whatever else. I subconsciously kept judging myself. But who’s really watching? The people who prioritize what appears cool? They’re probably paralyzed in the same shell that I was in.

Maybe I was slightly depressed and am now healed. Whatever it is, I’m glad to be here, and I’m glad to feel primal, instinctive, and real.

This is a good day.

Congratulations America! :) Two terms for you, Barack O. You go Barack O.

I went to the drugstore because I didn't have the necessary control number for the shenanigans I was supposed to manage at Paseo (I'm so lucky I'm so close to the place) and looked for face stuff. I was only meaning to buy nose peel-off stuff for my pores but I somehow just started looking for my favorite sun protection moisturiser and WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT it was on buy 1 take 1 in that particular drugstore at that particular time.
It's not actually that small it's just stuck to my chest and my hand is way at the front. (Needed my other hand to click the shutter)
And I still have enough change to go back tomorrow even if my bro isn't well enough to drive yet to actually do what I came there to do. (He feels a bit under the weather) It's nice to walk outside anyway instead of staying inside all day as usual. If making mistakes is what makes me do it, then I won't complain. Plus it wasn't too hot out today. Very bright and warm but manageable. When we came back from Hong Kong it was 12AM and 26 degrees! And it was incredibly hot the whole day. But this, this is fine. :)