Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Avoiding Post-Shopping Guilt: Money Can't Buy Happiness... Unless...

Now that Christmas gift shopping craziness is over and we get a few sober days before the January sales, I decided to reflect a bit on the significance of shopping and spending in our lives. You know, to arm you for January!

January Sales: For people who don't mind stocking up really early for next Christmas.
Photo from Reuters


Have you played SimCity before? In that game, you create cities and assign spaces for industrial, commercial and residential buildings. And you could lose major happiness points from residents if there is an imbalance between the three. That's right, the city people become sad and might even leave if they don't have enough good places to shop. At first, I found that really weird if it's meant to be based on real life tendencies! But that's probably partly because I'm more of a DIY kind of person. I try to make things if I can, instead of buying right away. Unless it takes too much time and effort, or worse, when it's more expensive to buy the materials needed to make them than to just buy them in the store! But then I realised that those commercial spaces probably include not only places to shop for things, but maybe arcades, restaurants, spas, basically consumerist spaces where the Sims can buy not only things, but experiences, too. And science supports the idea that for most people, spending on experiences is the way to get the most happiness from your money.

That being said, I genuinely do enjoy spending money on things. But only if they meet a certain number of requirements that ensure that the act of buying them wouldn't infringe on things I find are more important to me, personally. I find that we are happier when our actions successfully represent our personal ideals, and that encompasses our shopping habits too, as trivial as it may seem!

One of my favorite authors, Gretchen Rubin, wrote in her book The Happiness Project that money can't buy happiness, but it sure influences it a lot. When we are able to put our money where our real interests are, or where we truly believe it is needed, or into things that make us grow as people, or even simply towards things we truly enjoy and use, then money can really help make us happier people.

All that being said, here is the mental list of requirements I usually find myself weighing in my brain whenever I am faced with the option to buy something:

1. Is the value it will add in my life proportional to its price, relative to the current amount of money in my possession?

There are three things there that need consideration there, and in equal amounts.

It's not as simple as just asking myself "is it worth the price?". I need to make sure I'm getting something I want, and to look at how much money I have at my disposal, and not get swayed just because something is cheaper than it usually is! For example, look at this large collection of stylish footwear for women at ZALORA. There is a very thoughtful option at the top to browse discounted items, or to arrange them by price. Use things like that to your advantage by using it to filter things that are outside of your current budget, rather than aimlessly browsing anything that's cheap! The value it adds to your life is as important as how much money you're saving by getting something at a lower price point. Remember that the things we buy stay with us for a long time, and so we need to keep this in mind when we get something on sale. A slightly more expensive shoe that gets a lot of usage and love in its life is a far better buy than a cheap one that doesn't suit any of your clothes or is uncomfortable. Just make sure you won't go broke buying it.

2. Am I going to use it enough to justify the space/effort/maintenance it may require?

There are things that seem like a good idea, until you have to build a shed in your garden to store them. Or until you realise how easily it can be damaged by humidity if you don't keep cleaning twice every other full moon under midnight dew. As much as our consumerist ways as a species makes us believe that we need a separate peeler for a specific vegetable, or five different black dresses for different types of parties, there are very few things we actually need in life, and the rest are mere wants in varying degrees. These degrees vary from person to person, and it's important to know yourself well enough to know when you actually want something enough that you wouldn't randomly stumble upon it a year from now wondering why you forgot about it and which lucky person in your life you could hand it down to. So that they can be the ones abandoning it in a shelf somewhere.

"Now where the hell is that yellow cherry tomato bisector"
3. Do I need to buy it now?

There are things we will eventually need to buy, but not right now. We will run out of toilet paper one day, but we don't need to keep 30 packs of nine at all times. Or, we will need to get a nice dress for our cousin's wedding, but maybe not while he is still 13 years old. There is probably going to be another nice dress to find down the 15-odd year long road. These are severe examples, but just remember to consider timing whenever you feel like splurging on a deal that feels like it's once-in-a-lifetime. There is only so much space in our houses, and when they get cramped, our brains get cramped too. Also, the excitement of acquiring things tend to wear down with time. Best to be able to use things we buy right when we still feel great and excited about them!

And if the answer happens to be yes, then of course, JUST!!!!! DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is Shia LaBeouf and he approves of you buying the thing.

This is my personal list, based on my own priorities. Feel free to make your own! Just make sure that you make your money work for you, and not the other way around.

Monday, December 28, 2015

A Christmas C..error. A Christmas Horror Story.

404 Error. I missed.. How many days? Four days. Yes.

HMP.

It got hectic, and we all know how easily I get overwhelmed! (I mean you probably didn't actually know that, but now you do)

I'll be honest, this Christmas hasn't been the best so far.

  • I did my best to help out and plan meal ideas and do a lot of the grocery shopping, but we didn't end up cooking a lot of what we planned and we actually just slept on Christmas Eve instead of having a Noche Buena because we had to go to a reunion really early the next day.
  • Sansa got sick on Christmas Eve so I had a hard time sleeping because my anxiety-riddled brain was screaming "SHE IS GOING TO DIE WHILE YOU ARE SLEEPING SHE WILL NOT MAKE IT ON HER BIRTHDAY" Which by the way THANKS A LOT BRAIN.
  • So I woke up super early on Christmas day with barely any sleep because I thought we were leaving at 6am AND I had to check if Sansa was better/ still alive D:
  • She was fine, but I was already dressed and so I stayed downstairs even though apparently nobody else was ready :( and I REALLY wanted to stay in bed when my alarm went off so that made me feel really bad...And I didn't want to go back upstairs and have to be called downstairs again when they are ready because I'd be so tired and I didn't want to be blamed when I was ready before the others were
  • But my little cousin decided that it was time to experiment on how sensitive my hearing is ("How noisy can I get without her waking up? *BANGS TOYS TOGETHER FOR NO GOOD REASON*" Answer: I heard EVERYTHING and kept asking him to stop but somehow he kept going. Blame it on Christmas cheer! *bah humbug*) so I didn't even get to catch up on a little sleep while waiting for everyone else.
  • On the ride there, it was too hot and noisy and cramped in the truck so even though I closed my eyes it was impossible to really sleep
  • When we arrived, I couldn't function well even though I was so excited to meet my little cousins. I tried REALLY HARD but I could feel my eyeballs trying to roll back into my skull the whole time and I was pretty loopy so I stayed in the shaded hut instead of outside with people. So I couldn't take too many pictures waaaah.
  • When we got home, we still couldn't really do a real Christmas dinner because everyone was tired!!!!! And we had to prepare for the smaller gathering on the next day!!!
R YE FOOKEN KIDDING ME RN.

So yeah, on Christmas night, I was trying to keep it together, but I was super stressed by not being prepared for the next day, and too disappointed in being too tired to be fully awake during the 24th and 25th, that I ended up just bawling my eyes out to Beardy who also admitted that he didn't have the greatest time (we tried to Skype his family on the Eve but the connection was being poopy so it was a bit short and it was difficult to hear each other :'c, but luckily we got to have a second call with Anne and it was really nice! But like me he was a bit run down and rushed and clueless about how to celebrate because we didn't have our time in our own hands)

An actual photo of me and Beardy on Christmas night
But you know what? I felt a lot better after crying. I didn't realise how much I needed to just admit that I wasn't having fun, and that I was being really stressed. I have been trying to suppress it because it was Christmas and trying my hardest to have a good attitude, to not be a grinch, but I realised that suppressing this wouldn't make it disappear. But maybe expressing it would. And it did! Sharing it with Beardy brought us closer, and made me feel like someone understood. That it was okay and understandable to feel the way I did, considering what had happened, and I wasn't being crazy. 

After that, things were better. I had a slightly better night even though it was still short, but it was restful enough that I managed to still help out in the house while we had guests, talk to people (although not as much as I'd have liked!) and be really attentive to the kids (I just want them to have good memories of Christmas, okay?! While having fun is still the only thing expected of them this season!)... At the end of that day, I was still reaaaally tired, but had less frustrations about how things went.

(I didn't get to attend to my little cousin who stole Christmas just yet, but the good thing about him living here is that I had time to make up for it... Which I did today! We made popsicles, played with cars, puzzles and bubbles, and talked a lot. After a bit of guilt-tripping because I've lost my will to try with him recently, I decided to change my attitude about him being a difficult child, and try to change my approach to positively influence him again and make him feel secure. Because insecure children are more difficult and become insecure adults!)

So yes! That's why I missed five days! I'd feel bad about it, but I think I reached my quota for things to feel bad about and actually don't mind it as much as I minded having a tiring Christmas so far. And and and! There were also good things about it:

  • I got a couple of really nice presents
  • I feel proud for not disappointing my mom for once by helping a lot even though I was more tired than I could even believe
  • I moved on from feeling horrible really quickly and therefore have reason to believe that I'm becoming more emotionally resilient
  • I met my uncle from Canada again, and his family for the first time!
  • I managed to get presents for my family even though I thought I'd be too broke to manage it this year.. with a lot of help from Beardy!
  • Even though one of them cried a lot when it was time to go home, I feel good about letting my nieces play Minecraft on my computer and painting their nails for them all preedy. I know that it looked like I fussed over them too much and I know that carrying my computer around and setting it up wherever my nieces wanted to play, and designing their nails when everyone else was just chilling and being festive looked very tedious and like I spoil them, but I just don't want them to lose their festive Christmas feels too early. I know they were excited about those two things before coming to our house, and I didn't want to disappoint them because disappointment really sucks, and I sure knew it firsthand that day. I just want to protect them from that when I have the energy to. 
  • I was prepared and didn't really expect that much from Christmas; I was sober enough to not be too disappointed whenever plans didn't push through; I just broke down mostly from me not being super awake the whole time, but I feel like I had a healthy expectation which made it easier. Honestly, even if things went the same way, I wouldn't be so sad if I wasn't so tired because I'm sure I would have had the energy to come up with something to make it better.
  • I learned things that are super important: One, sleeplessness depresses me and tires me too much for it to be worth waking up too early or staying up later than needed. And two, even if I'm at my worst shape, I can still manage to work hard at things I decide are important. Which are the people I love. 


Wednesday, December 23, 2015

♬ Oh Christmas Twix, Oh Christmas Twix~ ♬



 A weirdly taasty caaandy~ 

I didn't know what to expect when I found this Twix variant in S&R. Decided to give it a go anyway because it's Christmas. And now here I am making a random review of it because It's new! It's odd! It's small and festive!❅ ❄ ❆

If you have a particular craving for a Twix bar, like, if you need to have one specifically, then this probably won't cut it. The biscuit usually takes a back seat and just mostly acts as a texture balancer in the original bar, but the biscuit in this really tastes like gingerbread so it tastes like a different candy. But the caramel and chocolate part is still the same.

So yeah it's just a Twix bar made ~~FESTIVE~~

Mind that if you don't like spicy treats like gingerbread or lebkuchen or anything with ginger or cinnamon in it you might not like this! But yes. Christmas Twix. Good. Yes. Good.

Rating: Five Snowflakes! Out of seven. *reference!!*

❅❅❅❅❅


Tuesday, December 22, 2015

When Love Comes First


When love comes first,

"Don't leave without me" will be met with "Why would I?".

"Sorry I'm like this." would be answered with "No need to apologise, I understand it must be hard."

You wouldn't have to ask to be considered in their life decisions, you just automatically are.

You wouldn't feel dry and used, and every bit of love you give is replaced by love from them.

You wouldn't need to choose between being perfect or being left alone. They stay by your side, fights, warts, and all.

There are people out there who put love first. These people exist, and in more numbers than you think is possible right now, when you have given yourself so freely to people who just take your love for granted.

These are people who grew up in love, who had doting parents listen to every word when they were just learning to speak, jumbling their words and finding it hard to explain anything. They were taught to give, to understand, to not compare and compute the value of people. They were brought up without judgement by the adults they trusted with their innocence and vulnerabilities.

To these people, reciprocity of love is natural. They will care for you back if you show them love and attention. At the very least, they will not feel entitled to taking it all from you when they cannot give it back. And when they can, they give it a hundred percent.

And for people like us who feel yearning for this kind of love, who feel like we can love so much more than we have been given a chance to, to love better than we could imagine right now due to sheer lack of examples... we only need to stop settling for less. We need to learn to love ourselves so much that being treated less than with love, kindness, and tenderness will not look like a normal tolerated thing, but something that we simply cannot stand for and will have to move on from. We need to make the act of letting love come first the most natural thing there is, until it's the default of our world.

This was where I was five years ago, realising I was Beardy's girlfriend over Facebook haha, and funnily enough it was also where we were last night with friends! :p

Five years ago today, on the 22nd of December in 2010, Beardy and I made our relationship "official" between ourselves, after about 1 & 3/4 months of talking and sharing our lives online. I didn't know how transformative this relationship was going to be in my life. At the time it just felt very natural to call it a relationship because we felt naturally connected and committed to seeing the thing we had between us grow. Beforehand, I've had bad experiences of caring for people too much, who didn't really care about me the same way. I really had a warped perception of relationships and was going about things the wrong way until I lucked out and met him. We started out as just friends, until realising we were what the other was looking for, even if we didn't know it at first. I used to think he was an exception in the way he handles love but I sincerely hope and believe that there are many people out there who love like we do, and it's just not a thing that people are used to looking for (even me!).  I hope that the people I care for, at the very least, find a love that really works for them and fulfills them and lifts them up, and is plainly and simply reciprocal without needing mental justifications. I believe that whoever can love fully, deserves to be given that love back, and relationships like that can really emanate a love of love not only between the two people, but all around them, too. I'd like to live in a world with a lot of that!

Monday, December 21, 2015

EDSAnxiety

EDSAdness
Metro Manila scares the shit out of me.

If I could choose, I'd never leave Santa Rosa. I'm always so anxious and suspicious of people when I'm in Manila. In fact, this anxiety had kept me from living my life to the fullest when I was in college. I just never felt secure, no matter how long I stayed. And now that I only go there when needed, the anxiety I get before every trip is much worse.

What am I afraid of? Getting run over, cockroaches, pickpocketers, slashers, armed thieves, armed lunatics, traffic, rain, casual rudeness, scam artists... the list is long. And my fears are not helped by the news. It's as if all of the new Modus Operandis are rampant in Manila, especially now during the holidays, and when I'm here in the Safe South, I just don't want to come back (even though where I am isn't 100% guaranteed safe either!).

But you know what? Once I'm there, my commuter switch turns on and I've always come home just fine. In fact I'm one of the calmest people during long waits and traffic jams (even after being puked on by a baby that one time). The worst I've ever been is tired and dirty. I've been very lucky.

Most of the fear only exists before the fact, but it causes enough stress to have bad repercussions all on its own, outside of whatever happens to me when I'm actually out there. It causes sleepless nights, falling hair, and severe anxiety.

It's amazing to know that most of the bad things that happen to me happen inside my head.

In a recent interview, Justin Trudeau said "Fear doesn't make us any safer. Fear makes us weaker." And at least for my own life, this has proven to be true to a point. I do believe that my cautious nature has protected me from many dangers in my life, and I will continue to be careful, but worrying about what I cannot control just wears me out. There are times where I just need to step out of my literal comfort zone. And when those times come, like today, it's better that I just save my energy for the actual trip ahead rather than for tossing around in bed the night before.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

The Inner Lives of Strangers

A picture I took out my window yesterday while the rain was pouring. I snapped it just as this person was walking by and thought it looked a bit like something off of a Ghibli film.

I enjoy people-watching. And I know many other people who enjoy it too. I think it's natural for people to come into a somewhat voyeuristic trance when doing this, and sort of feel detached from their surroundings, as if they are looking into a glass window. It can be fun to be curious, to wonder about where everyone comes from, how they find the weather, who they love, and if they are happy.

But every so often, there is a risk of this detachment turning into something a bit more cynical, and it's as if we are looking into a glass bowl instead, with puny mindless fish inside. We are tempted to fancy our lives and minds more complex and colorful than theirs, simply because of the context we see them in. I come across posts online that on the surface seem to be helpful and insightful, asking for the reader to keep their eyes off their phones, to rush less and enjoy their surroundings, unlike the zombies in the picture with their eyes glued to their phones (non-verbatim of course). Just because everyone around you is rushing around, or doing common things, doesn't mean you are alone among mindless creatures of passive, mundane existence.

I believe there is a danger to painting with very broad brushes when we look at others in their unguarded moments. Any bitter sentiment stemming from feeling like everybody is dull more likely stems from an issue we have to deal with in ourselves, rather than the actual people around us that trigger these feelings. It reflects our own limited perspective, or perhaps imagination, when it comes to the complexity of life outside of our own immediate awareness.

It can be very helpful to approach thinking about the inner lives of strangers with suspended judgement, and more curiosity instead. Helpful not only for the people in question so that we may be kinder to them, but also, and this is true even if we never even interact with them; to our own peace of mind. Because we then feel less loneliness in being our complicated selves, when we realize that there are so many various interesting lives that we are not living, and we can only witness through being open to others when we interact with them. 

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Don't Habit Yourself Up About It

Before we start I just want to say "You're Welcome" or "I'm Sorry" for the horrible pun, depending on your personal reaction to it. Good. K. Let's go.

I've spent a lot of time in my life failing at maintaining good habits. Just to name a few of the ones I've been failing at for a long time, there's:
  1. Going to bed earlier
  2. Drinking more water
  3. Studying French regularly
  4. Blogging
  5. Eating right
For the last two, I've actually been doing an OK job lately, but I'm still working on the others.

Something I've noticed is that when I do something right, even after maintaining it for a considerable amount of time, if I slip once, it gets really hard to come back to it. I get discouraged so easily! But one thing I learned is this:


If you have one bad day, may it be about your diet, or smoking one cigarette after you've quit, or losing your temper, or whatever else, the progress you've made from doing the right thing in the previous days is not yet lost! There are still positive repercussions in place from the days that you've done the right thing. But if you let yourself discouraged, then one day becomes a week, a month, and then you'll have to start again. Don't let one bad event destroy your confidence in yourself!

Change is a gradual thing. If we are mean to ourselves and beat ourselves up about one mistake, then it gets harder and more embarrassing to get back up. So we need to be kinder to ourselves. Treat yourself as you would a dear friend and invite yourself to get back up. "It's okay, Buddy. Just keep going! I'm right here with you."

Sure it sounds a little weird, but I believe this is the purpose of imagination. It allows our world to be bigger than what's there, frees up space for us to move with ease. So be your own imaginary friend, and be an encouraging one! Don't be your own worst enemy.