Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Be kind to happy people too

“It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton.

I have to admit that I used to be one of those people who shy away from enthusiasm. I feared it would make me look dumb. I didn't realize the power of enthusiasm until I decided I want to be happy and enthusiastic and just did it, and saw the effects.

It made people ease up around me. It made people feel welcome. Best of all, it made people feel enthusiastic about the same goals.

That being said, there are downsides. When people are in a good mood, people around them immediately assume that it's because they have it good. It's not a person's first instinct to assume that a person WORKS to achieve happiness, they assume that the person is happy as an effect of good things happening in their life without any effort on their part.

When you communicate that you have it better, intentionally or not, you subsequently assert power over them, like stated in this Cracked article. And that makes people want to assert their power, to soothe their ego.

Unhappiness is also way to assert power because

  1. people who are critical tend to be perceived as more discerning and smart
  2. when you don't ride someone's flow, someone's enthusiasm, it's like saying "you don't have power over me", regardless of what the end point is to you cooperating with their goals. (PROTIP: cooperating towards a single goal yields better results for everyone)
  3. to say you are unhappy is a way to tell people they have to cut you some slack, to take it easy on you.
Only, unhappiness is easier to maintain than happiness. Happy people are normally treated like shit because they are perceived as shallow, dumb, and bereft of substance. Therefore, a lot of times, being happy is a huge social risk, and intentionally choosing it is actually very brave, for someone who naturally isn't this way.

This is the fear I found is attached to the fear I keep encountering in trying to make this project I have for Valentines work. I feel silly having to act enthusiastic about my own product. I feel stupid having to promote my own creations. I feel dumb having to promote myself.

I exposed too easily. I'm an introvert and need to be on my own a lot. It's easier for me to talk about ideas, and at most my discernment of them than to paint a very detailed picture about my life and experiences everyday, as you can maybe sniff out from this blog of mine. I just often can't risk exposing myself.. I don't like feeling like people are picking me apart.

But I want to believe that that's how everyone feels when they put themselves out there. Every artist feels this way when they paint, draw, write, etc something. It's something we all have to eventually face. And even though I was a very exposed person in higschool, I have to go through the process of opening up again, because I've changed a lot from that time, and my goals and missions are very different.

And choosing to be happy is a way of choosing to put one's self "out there"... You're choosing to expose your happiness, allowing other people to put you down for it. And it's not dumb as it may seem. You need to wrestle with a lot of challenging mental exercises in knowing how to deal with people effectively and kindly.

So if you reader, if you're someone like this, if you're one of the happy ones, and if you're struggling because of it, I want to tell you that I appreciate what you are doing. I want you to know that there are people who understand how hard it is. And I hope you don't let people bring you down. Stay happy. Stay strong. Surround yourself with supportive people and support people like you. We need more people like you in this planet.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

passionate... on purpose.

A huge bulk of my personal journey into adulthood has relied on the realization that many things we take for granted as involuntary states ofbeing are alterable with the use of some vigilance and willingness to change.

Vigilance, because like many bad habits or mental/psychological diseases that work on the subconscious level, a negative mindset or auto-complacency is not usually a state of mind we acquire on purpose. Because of this, they swoop from under the radar to bite all of us in the booty. 

a good trick to employ in catching these creepy nega crawlies is to let your feelings be your guide! Let feeling bad for no immediate reason be your personal alarm to knowing that you're spinning some bad, old mental record in your brainplayer. pause it, take it out, replace it with a new, positively helpful record. it will likely crawl back to push the new record off the player to play itself when you're not looking, but then your feelings will alert you eventually and you'll throw it out again. repeat cycle until record is too scratched and beat-up that it can't even crawl back or play its noise anymore. ;)

Willingness to change, because nothing's going to happen if you're happy just being where you are even with what you're seeing. In which case, to each his own! I just personally am not content with some things, so I try to change. I figured I just didn't want to feel like shit and do nothing about it. Luckily, just doing something feels better than doing nothing, I've found. So there's that!

And of course the final ingredient: my affinity for devising methods to trick myself into doing things, no matter how hard it is to stay on the horse... of things... (I.. might have just invented an idiom there, nobody really says that do they?)

I've gotten much better at being happier on purpose, and next on the list (what list? there's no list! i just go as i feel) is being passionate on purpose. 

I guess this still delves into the realm of happiness. If I would attempt to describe what happiness is to me, it's being amused, excited and content. The practice I've had now allows me to kind of summon feelings of happiness when I want to easier. That is, finding beauty in things, feeling content with moments instead of overanalysing...

I guess the difference is that passion has the power to give me long-term happiness. What I've practiced, and have been better with is the kind of happiness that is instant. Passion allows me to create, and creating things leaves me more content for longer.

I plan to do this by seeking out inspiring things daily, purposely looking for things that make me want to go on.

“People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.”
                                                                                                              -Zig Ziglar

I've been trying to consume media that particularly serves this purpose. I find that following artists on tumblr is a good way to do this. I guess it also helps that I'm somehow just in the mood for it. But I'm somehow doubting that even moods are all that arbitrary.. I mean, I've been on this journey for years... Maybe the new record has started playing itself on its own.

Friday, January 25, 2013

resetting your bodyclock

dear bea.

to reset your body clock, stay awake all night and the next day instead of trying to wake up after three hours of sleep because that shit dun work.

ive been trying to apply the food method of resetting one's body clock but because it's too easy to ignore the alarm clock and plop right back under the covers, of course i never got to even get to the eating part.

i stayed up all night and until after noon (to take a three hour nap) by just drinking coffee at 8pm and 8/9am! and by staying active of course. played games, made pancakes, watched an engaging movie, but the minute i laid down while watching, i fell asleep. but not for long.

so i guess that fixes it! it's not even ten PM and my body already feels near-bedtime. :D

what do you do when you need to reset your body clock?

"like rain outside when you're cozy in bed"

Just Good Friends by James Needham

me: i really really love this 
and it makes me giddy
but i just found out the title and it made me a little sad.
him: why sad?
me: the title is "Just Good Friends".
him: hahaha weeird
me: it's so sad.
him: bah, not our problem, we have the best thing
me: yup! but its nice to feel sad for those kinds of situations
because you always end up being happy for what you have
him: hahaha yup, to me it's like rain outside when you're cozy in bed

one very important tip i got from the happiness project is feeling gratitude instead of disillusion after sympathizing with "bad" circumstances that you don't find yourself in presently.
it makes the beauty of what you do have more magnificent and beautiful.
I love having him in my life, and he makes it so so worth it even if we have to be far from each other for a couple years more. :)

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

a quick note on resilience.

to achieve contentment, more than liking what you have, you must also move with your inspiration, 
and with the inspiration of the world around you.
it helps to always move with your surroundings and your environment and mankind. to be aware instead of in denial of change.
it's about not being afraid to abandon knowledge you worked hard to learn, so you can learn new things that serve you better.
always have space for more knowledge and new skills

get better. stay afloat. why? because with all of the benefits it offers, and the fact that you're already here, why not?

Sunday, January 20, 2013

cuties at the zoo (baluarte zoo highlights)

yeah, him too. ARRrryaready kids? AYE AYE CAPTAIN
i know, i know. it's january and i'm posting events that happened at the start of september. but it's nice to spread out the happiness of recalling. i plan to keep sprinkling memories from the summer here and there until beardy comes back :) i'm sure he'll enjoy recalling too. :D

amazingly tame macaws
I loved Baluarte Zoo. It's free, and you could get up close and personal with the animals in a way you wouldn't imagine was possible in a zoo. It was my first time to ever visit one, and i didn't need to brace myself for seeing a bunch of sad cuties in cages because surprise surprise!! It was a very good zoo: the animals looked healthy and well-fed, the place looked and smelled clean, and a lot of the animals are just free to roam, really.

Save for fences for geese (didn't stop the cute deer from hopping over to their side to get some shade when the clouds went away) a leash for the dromedary, a fence for the little route where the pony carts go around, and cages for tigers (but the men in charge opened the door for us anyway! -more on that later.)

The moment we walked in, there was this branchy fixture with just a bunch of beauuutiful birds perched on it. no cages, not even ankle ropes. they're just there, all happy and beautiful. they weren't even trying to get away! but if i was a bird, i don't think i would try either.

i dono wat u r called but i'm calling you contortabird

und also chickons becos let's not discriminate. (and they're friggin cute okay runnin around like maniacs)

exhibit A.. just scoochin over while macaw scratches its face

I suppose the heavens were paying me back for having to walk this half the time with the soles of my sandals falling off because just as we were fawning over the beautiful blue macaws and standing awkwardly beside them for pictures because we're very polite and timid children (see exhibit A), the friendly men in green informed us that we can actually PUT THEM ON OUR SHOULDERS or PROP THEM ON OUR HANDS for pictures and that there was no fee for this wonderful experience, we just need to donate something to the zoo and we can name our own price!

I gif'd the pictures because although this lessens the quality of the individual photos (i had to use a free online tool to create these gifs), it captures better the essence of the fact that the macaw is an ACTUAL LIVING MOVING BREATHING POSING THING that willingly stood on my shoulder !!! because it's seriously so pretty and majestic (beardy said it could bite my thumb off if the mood ever struck it) that it looks fake~~
i feel so badass letting him hop on my bare shoulder! friends fo evaa

also, is it just me or does this macaw REALLY know how to pose for pics? he has this model face-tilt thing going on.

a more bizarre type of bird also roamed the zoo, a kind that i was actually very excited to see because i've never seen them before. but OH MY GOD OSTRICHES ARE REALLY CREEPYLOOKIN.

look at that earhole tho.

see, i'm very used to their appearance in pictures and in video, when they're running around and stuff. but seeing one up close and relaxed was just really different. first of all, their feathers:

EEK! they stick right up and the skin underneath is goosebumpy.. i guess this extreme level is called ostrichbumpy. that and the fact that it's not dense enough to cover the skin is creeping me out a little bit. maybe it's my trypophobia. DONT google that. unless well, unless you don't have it i guess? hee

secondly, the way their heads move! they really move like they're muppets! like there's a rod attached to the head part, and the neck is just loose slacking material. 

"say whaat."

okay maybe i just have an overactive imagination. beardy didn't really seem too spooked by it. but yeah. something about the way they kinda wag their heads with eyes vacant and mouths open, man. it's like they were spookin me on purpose. reminded me all too well of those puppet thingies in the 90s that were supposed to be for kids but just ended up creeping me out.

luckily, although a wee uncomfortable, i'm oddly... comfortable with being uncomfortable in this way? i kind of like getting weirded out by new things. so don't take this ostrich commentary as me hating ostriches. in fact i like them even more now! i never knew they were so interesting-looking!

next up, the white deer were fun:

they roamed the whole place the most compared to the other animals. but they were still very timid. like cats! they run away from you if you walk too close to them. except during feeding time, if you're near the food box. they'll only shy away if you're close enough to touch them.

these cuties are so free, they even trespassed on over to the geese's side (like aforementioned. because of the sun)

goose, goose, ...deer? 'wat am i doin here'

when we wandered off to the deep end, around the area with this view if you want a hint:

hmm.. maybe not. i just wanted to include this photo because holy shit look at that building. even the clouds are pointing towards it it's so redonk

a bunch of men in charge started to call upon us. "tigers here! tigers!" what?? yes! the heavens really pitied me and my sandals because we were called on over to where they kept the tigers that weren't on display!

this one was really sassying it up for the camera. her name is Chiara. if i remember correctly the male one's name is Big (beardy heard "Dick" which is.. let's just not go there and put the names together) and the other female is Queen.

I could not believe how kittylike she was behaving. She's a litol cute kitten trapped in a majestic tigress body.

soft kitty warm kitty deadly ball of furrrrrrr~
beardy got to touch queen's fur. i didn't, but i'm not sure they'd want me to. in fact i feel like they're really digging my boyfriend and want to steal him from me:

i mean look at how she looks at me in the second picture jesus christ

chiara begging me to give her my boyfriend

he pretends to not care but it hurts him a little to see chiara flirting with other males. he may have huge boy-tiger front legs but inside he's just a huge puffy softy.

other than that, there were cute ponies, huge dromedaries with huge heads, litol insects, and various exotic animals and birds and stuff and more deer of different sizes!

for reference re: how huge that dromedary is, my beardy is 6'tall.

beautiful landscape. cute ponies. and a boyfriend who carries my bag. can't ask for more.
yeep i used one of my hair ties to keep my sandals together

I definitely enjoyed and would definitely recommend Baluarte Zoo. It was a nice first-timer zoo. Can't wait to go back!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

it's all in your head poppet

the loss is in your head
the hurt is in your head
the fear is in your head
hopelessness is in your head.

they are all imaginary. what you really have is whatever is in the present moment.

you are alive. you are well, you have life and time in front of you.

so many possibilities. so many positive things if you decide to flip the switch and be happier, more willing, more engaged.

some tragedies or pain may wound deeper than most, making things less in your control, but the place where the control hides is still in your head.

it's still yours. you can still change it, trick it, reform it.

be vigilant. do not give up. give it time.

you owe it to yourself to be happy.

Monday, January 14, 2013

this is it~ i created a facebook page for Pandaemonium!

my feet are literally cold!

but that's probably also because of the weather being actually cooler lately.

Click here to visit!:

my shop concept is pandemonium, chaos, randomness. it's like opening Pandora's box (or jar if you wish) but instead of the evils of the world, little cute thingies and goodies come out.

or just you know, settle nicely in the box. i don't plan to over-stock anything, i just want to create as i feel.

for janu/feb, my feature will be my line of Valentine's chocolates! Yeap I'm really doing it ^^ after a couple of days of shuffling names and lamenting the fact that someone already took "Billy Bonka" I realised that I should just call my chocolate line Psychodelish. It's one of the frequent aliases I use for my email addresses and usernames anyway! Psychadelic/psycho goes with the pandaemonium concept, and it has got "delish" in it..... I think it was its destiny all along.

my page is still very barren for now, but i will post pictures and prices as soon as i finish the first batch!

wish me luck as i roll myself recklessly into this !
i hope i snowball in a good way

Sunday, January 13, 2013


I went to Banapple for the first time today~!

My cousin told me the story of the restaurant (they were neighbors with the owner) and I felt so inspired. It's stories that make it look like going after your dream is simple that I try to keep in mind.

I've decided that I will dedicate a month to selling Valentine's chocolates, starting tomorrow! Time to plan, market, make, etc... :)

Stay tuned I guess ! (i should grow out of my hesitant language soon)

Friday, January 11, 2013

"everything's cute i wish i was as cute as everything"


yoga was great, man, i love how it feels afterwards. i'm going back on thursday. love my mom to bringing me to that place. sierra is great and she moved house, still renting but the place looks so great and the yoga area is so cute with so many buddhas and little elephants and it just really feels very yoga and it's much better than the other place cos wind from the outside comes in and the weather was really nice today

after yoga i made a recovery shake for mom and me with frozen pear, banana, frozen grapes, psyllium husk, carrot, water and milk. it was nice.

food is also great. i just love to eat. i love to cook. i love getting better at it. 

emmy is also great. i really miss him and i just want to rent little living spaces with him and decorate them and just ahh.

i had a great session and my body feels like jello and achy in a nice way. :)

i hope everyone's had a nice day as well !

this is such a scatterbrain post. i know, i'll make more of an effort eventually. i just.. yoga.

i think im going to sleep here downstairs. my yoga clothes are comfy, it's nice and cool, and it will help me wake up earlier because the house is alive early. (i'll probably go upstairs to fall back asleep.)

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

big birds with small stones

I love the idea of micro efforts that yield HUGE results.

some of my examples:

  • buying little Christmas gifts ALL YEAR instead of last minute (or month) makes Christmas a lot less stressful
  • buying and eating healthier food (as opposed to avoiding all bad food)makes a little less room for bad food in your life
  • choosing a specific day of the week to do laundry makes home life less chaotic
  • cleaning one little area of your room at a time, or just a few things at a time instead of all at once: 1) takes a shorter time and requires less courage so you won't stall so much 2) helps you habitualise the act of fixing and cleaning, so that it never gets to a bad point again.

I'm the sort of person that paces around to gather courage between thinking up a great idea and actually doing it. Improving my life in effective, bite-sized pieces instead of trying to swallow a huge chunk of change relieves me from having to deal with this torment.

Lately I've been eating more fruits/fruitshakes (with no added sweetener!) and switched to Diabetasol when I want my tea/coffee to be sweet. But generally I just take black coffee cos I want to be weaned off overly salty/sweet stuff. This has made me feel fuller during the day, and more energetic too!

I'm trying to remember to stretch often, too (it's hard to remember to do it every day though. but i'll try)

Tomorrow mom and I are going to start doing yoga every thursday and tuesday. i guess that's a small effort high yield thing too! I'm really excited because I miss yoga.

so there! i'm really feeling my age lately. what with getting really excited for MediCard because I love the idea of free check ups, and losing my desire for the fast life. i just want to live every day nicely, to progress slowly, to find joy in the small things. I really changed and I really like it.

Little by little, one day at a time, i'll make thousands with nickels and millions with dimes! (nice. i rhymed.)