Friday, April 27, 2012

Spring Cling

Ah yes the spring cling. As in, when it's so hot that your clothes tend to cling to your skin, smothering your slick stinky goodness.

'Kay this image is a hyperbole
For us people living in the tropics, this is what Spring actually means. It's not the comfy cushion season between winter and summer when it's finally comfortable enough to clean the whole house. It's just sun, sun, and the occasional shocker drizzle. IN YOUR FACE.

Be that as it may, it's somehow spring cleaning season in my house, in a small kinda way, and really slowly, may have been a month now, since the heat is so unbearable.

My personal progress with my room is going slow too. I wish I had taken photos of how it looked at the start. It made my mother screech at me whenever she came in. But I had my film production as an excuse. It was obviously a DIY sorta project. I have since cleared out a lot of my junk, which is visible in my birthday post, but I'm farrrrr from over.

But if you haven't noticed, I just gave my blog a tiny facelift. I renewed my sidebar to contain something that is a better self-introduction and hopefully more helpful for people who need to decide if they want me to look at their blog, and if they want to follow me. My little spiel might reoccur on the about me page though, which I have yet to tinker with.

Secondly I have decided to give myself the liberty of changing the subtitle in my blog, letting it be instead more of a headline of sorts. The idea of a permanent subtitle isn't sitting well with me. "kid forever" often read as scary to me. Might go be a seasonal thing, since I just started with "this spring". I'm fickle, who knows.

Anyway, I hope to get more readers and more people to interact with this year. I think blogs are a great way to get to know people. It's even brought me and one of my best friends Jessica closer now that she lives a bit farther away and busy with mom stuff etc. I'm just not always sure how to(Pun not intended) get to it and all that. I'll try to figure it out, though. But.. Do you have any tips?


A love story with my life's passion.

It somehow feels like things are starting to fall into place...

I feel like I've grown a new heart after trying to wander a little bit more
Before I committed
"So that I don't miss any chances"
"So that I don't leave any box unopened"

In the end I find, I was just unsure of my love.
And my new brave heart ended up showing me what I want to be committed to

And ended up showing me that there's no need to wander at all

Because there are no limits to a love that is true!

Okay, naw, naw, for serious: Something clicked in me, yesterday or today. Not quite sure because my sleeps are all haywire. "Snapped" is actually a better match for the intensity if it wasn't riddled with a negative connotation. 

I feel like I've always felt pressured to make failed efforts of the past matter. I've been ailed by the thought that I needed to make university count and stick to "my field" but I now see that this takes the life out of anything I do.

I *think* I'm starting to find my way. Emphasis on "my". Fingers crossed!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Me I'm a Creator

Sharing with you my recipe for DIY waxing sugar/sugaring wax and some of the tinkery stuff I've been busy with so far this summer.
USE LOW HEAT after it's started boiling. it has to brown slowly.

Rose propagation; star jar we'll need to fill up in Bora

Bottom-right image: Bohol Sand, Bora sand! Some orange sand idk

Have had this sand in this jar since my friend Jenny and mine's trip to bora. Sacrificed it for the roses I want to root. Even if it fails, they will see I tried my best. And There's a guarantee to me getting to fill it up again anyway :) Still kept some of it though. 

Today was a looong day and it took a full three days for this post to happen. I guess I just didn't have any words to say. But pictures say thousands of them or some shit, right?

Saturday, April 21, 2012

As if I didn't have too many interests as it is...

I forgot to add this picture after uploading it for my blogpost about My Flower Depot:

The roses as they now stand
Today upon receiving these roses I was riddled with a very deep desire to grow them. I haven't actually had the opportunity to find out whether I have a green thumb or not. Now that I got the flowers right as they arrived instead of after four hours after they've already given up on life a little, I had a huge feeling of "I can save these!"

Spent the whole afternoon pruning and tending these things, and preserving the last bouquet, and even testing out some propagation methods on the last bouquet. (and pressing some buds I was willing to give up) I somehow can't detach myself from the idea that these are living things. This makes me want to make them live.

On sunday I'll try to propagate a couple of them. We'll see where it goes from there. Even if I fail, I'll know I tried.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Got roses in the mail again today :>

"vibrant, living, beautiful flowers: sustainably grown from our farm to your homes" good grammar and design (and reference to good environment and humanitarian karma) is always a reassuring quality. I checked other companies and they were tacky (and felt seedy ahaha). So this is admirable.

Here's a well-deserved promotion for My Flower Depot! (This is not a sponsored post. It's a sincere personal "thank you")

As mentioned in my birthday post, there had been a card mix-up in the surprise birthday bouquet my boyfriend had sent me two days ago. I advised him to inform the company, well, to be honest I called it a "complaint". He said it wasn't necessary because there was no harm done, which is true, but that's mostly thanks to the form of his message. However I can't say the same thing for the people our card was mixed up with:

D: Look me in the eye and tell me this doesn't make your skin crawl

Major criiiiinge. So glad I wasn't them. I know, I know. Sorry. This is probably, slightly unethical. But at least I censored their names, eh?

The company very generously sent me a complimentary bouquet of twelve white roses for the mistake. With the correct card this time. I told him really would have liked a card to keep (might sound shallow but having something tangible is a big thing for long distance relationships), which is probably partly the cause of why he sent a message anyway. :) Aw I love him.

short, sweet, simple!

What I appreciated about this company is that they have great service. Emmanuel loved them! The package came on time, they acknowledge customer service queries quickly, and they remedied their mistakes the best they could.:p So it goes to show that they really care about giving good service and pleasing their clients. Not just making money off of their products. They have principle, which is rare nowadays. Looking at their site, you'll even see that they care about ethical procedures:

"Grown with the least environmental impact and using fair labor practices"

Now doesn't that just make you feel like buying everything they sell? See, it pays off to have a clear conscience type of business. It makes people like you.

twelve white roses. the smell was heavenly.

The box was pretty, the flowers were quite fresh considering the weather, and it came with this, which was cute:

I would like to believe that it was just a case of an employee being new, confused or distracted while preparing the package, because my first package, apart from having the wrong card, also didn't have this Care Tips thingy (which I just learned from the website is supposed to be included in each box). 

the pretty gold bday box, which looked a bit haggard when it arrived haha. (the gerbera daisies are doing well)
I really can't blame the company for that now can I? They remedied the mistake of one person(?i think) verrrrry well.

In conclusion to my personal experience:

  • wrong card, wouldn't be a problem if you write a simple message like a normal person
  • care tip card missing, not a real problem cos it's googlable and it's a bonus feature in the first place

  • they mail your right back
  • they make up for mistakes well (complimentary white roses! they practically spoil you)
  • excellent production ethic (judging from their claims), even the cards are recycled.
  • the roses smell nice
  • they send them with water tubes wrapped in clingfilm, so the stems don't arrive dried out.
  • the design is classy, not tacky
  • free shipping
  • items aren't too expensive
  • they come on time in a fancy red truck hehe
  • THE FLOWERS ARE PRETTY. I loved the gerbera daisies. They might be my second favorite flower now. And the roses of course. I always love roses :)
  • They know what they are doing. The gerbera daisies were coiled with fine wire so as to keep them standing up (like what i did to preserve the 2011 valentine roses) because apparently  the stalks are soft.
All in all, as a receiver of the package, I am very pleased with this company, and I'm sure Emmanuel is pretty darn pleased as a sender as well. :)

I hope anyone who reads this keeps this company in mind especially since it's Mother's Day season.

twenty and two (plus complimentary recipe for "Cherry Vodcoke")

I turned 22 yesterday! I slept a huge chunk of the day away. But it's okay because I celebrated ahead of time. I invited a few friends for pizza-movie night on my birthday eve :)

ma burfday nails.. done a day apart and naturally my two hands aren't the same

"My right hand, always painted simpler than the left onee.."

I decided to have a pizza-movie night. I asked my mom to borrow a projector from the office which I propped inside a magazine rack, supported by The Fountainhead and The Da Vinci Code at the bottom so as to leave space for the sockets in the back. I made it face one of the leaning walls and set up sleeping bags and pillows on the floor opposite :) It was a lot of fun, I'm pretty proud of what I've done. It's sort of the best (/the only haha) sleepover I've planned.

Table setup! 

clockwise from top left: witch's hat that our lovely helper propped up on a bedknob, humorously matching the black sheets I asked to be used! heh ; room plans i drew up for the party and for after the party because I'm actually currently making my room over; throw pillows I snatched from the prayer room bodega (we use that word for storage, not just wine) that I realised matches my bathroom's current colors (pictured below); sleeping bags, master lappy, and projector all set up!
everything orange aside from the curtains is actually ACCIDENTAL. i actually hate orange. but it ended up looking p.nice. im starting to like it.

At the last minute I decided to weave my christmas lights onto my window and it ended up looking pretty damn beautiful.
Why didn't I think of this before?

I put a note on the door saying "Come in I'm in the shower" and Carmen arrived and I got dressed and pretty soon Pia came and then Jessica with  and her sister Jas and Jessica's baby Mio...

Who started eyeing mister panda! Jas and Jessica encouraged him to take it from the bedknob and pretty soon he kept posing with it! I didn't know my godson was such a camgigolo!

Jessica had to leave for Mio's bedtime before Aizel even arrived, sadly. The pizza was cold before most of them arrived haha! Also the ice kept melting so fast and I had to run up and down a lot to put and take things from the freezer. If there were things I'd have wanted to change about it, I would have brought a cooler upstairs so I could spend more time with my guests. And maybe bring a toaster so we can heat the pizza. haha. Or maybe, just feel freer about asking my guests to help me! I don't know why I'm so shy, it's my birthday anyway right? haha!

clockwise from top left: smilinaizel with cameo of mister Mnm, pia and hiding carmen, maiface, hiding carmen, jas and mio while we're watching Bridesmaids. I DIDN'T GET TO TAKE A PIC OF JESS :((( which is sad cos she was so pretty!

Movies/videos we screened:

  • A Walk off the Earth's reindition of Somebody I Used to Know as sort of a soundcheck
  • a bit of Top Secret but it lagged and we switched to
  • Bridesmaids, featured on the top right picture above (boom chiki wa wa)
  • Mean Girls, all-time classic
  • and What's Eating Gilbert Grape? Which Carmen brought. It was the more morose of the four films but still quite enjoyable. 

The Grub:

  • Cheese Pizzas with raw veggies for toppings/sides
  • Popcorn with M&Ms
  • Sarsi floats
  • Improvised cocktails. We called it "Cherry Vodcoke" (edit: I just realised that cherry vodcoke was when we replaced the sprite with coke. but oh well. "cherry spriteka" doesn't sound as nice, so..)

Cherry Vodcoke Recipe

  • Vodka (we used The Bar Silver cos I'm a cheap ass mof-)
  • Sprite
  • sprigs of mint
  • Maraschino Cherries in a jar
  • ice

  1. In a handsome rocks glass, put in ice about a third of the way. (if it's not handsome, do the same, but with a disapproving grimace/frown)
  2. pour vodka just a bit short of covering the ice
  3. add sprite until it's almost full all the way (about an inch from the top)
  4. top off with a swig of Maraschino Cherry syrup from the jar
  5. watch it swirl cos that part's kinda epic
  6. Plop in a cherry
  7. tear off a couple of mint leaves to decorate the top
  8. plop in a stirrer-straw

Our honored guest mister M approves!
After watching What's Eati-shit this title's long-, I was only meaning to cool the projector off to be sure but my bros started kinda calling it a night. Oh well, we all needed sleep anyway! We called it a night at 4am, but Pia and I kept talking until about six AM about really trippy stuff like atoms and the universe.

Aizel, Carmen and I woke up at about 10-11AM, had pancakes and tea, watched TV for a while, then Aizel had to go. Her mother has the same b-day as I. After fixing up the mess from b-day eve and shattering a rocks glass in the process (that made me kinda saaaad) Carmen and I retreated back to my cave, lay down on the sleeping bags watching Modern Family and napping. As I was going upstairs I saw a HUGE RED LBC TRUCK stop by our house. I had a big feeling there was a package for me but I remembered E saying something about how he was saving for our trip so I just went on going upstairs expecting nothing.

But lo and behold, when C and I descended the stairs to accompany my mom to church (she asks me to go to church with her every year on my birthday even though I am an atheist. It could be worse so I humor her.) there was a huge-ass flowerbox-lookin box of the whitest prettiest flowers on the table. I wish someone would have told me! There was a good four hours in between the time I saw the truck and the time I saw the box.

I first made like a flowerbed with the whole lot, using the same magazine rack I used for the projector (man is it useful or what) singling out two favorites which were a huge daisy and a rose, then this morning I put some more with the others in the vase that came from last Valentine's Day's bouquet, and then some downstairs to share.

I was confused about the sender at first, because the fact that E never said anything and the fact that he said he'd be in save mode until our summer together threw me off. But the biggest reason was that the delivery company had mixed up the cards! I instead received a dubious message sent between two ladies who seem to only be in the courtship stage because the sender merely calls herself a "loving friend" despite the horribly uncomfortable steaminess of the message. I don't even wanna.. Oh god. poor ladies. I feel bad for them that a whole family of strangers had seen the card.

Luckily daisies (and white frowers) have sort of a meaning between E and I for Reasons, and I had a huge feeling that it was him and not some random relative who decided to give me flowers. He confirmed via facebook that he indeed committed shenanigans and sent me a surprise once again. Luckily his intended enclosed message was a lot simpler and didn't mention anything about letting anyone's love come inside someone's body like the card I mistakenly received had. It was apparently a simple Happy Birthday and an I love you. Having someone who is very concise and straightforward and not the least bit dramatic really isn't looking so bad at all. :)

final arrangement :)

After church, Carmen, my two brothers, my mom and I went to Racks for my birthday dinner. We had AWESOME FOOD and the best waiter ever and the waitresses sang to me and gave me a free apple pie which was delicious and had ice cream and whipped cream on top (so many creams)... Too bad I didn't bring my camera but then again I liked not having to do that and just relaxing :) We did have phone pictures though, but they're in my mom's phone and are unavailable for now. Maybe one of these days I'll upload them on tumblr :)

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Home "cooking"

I made my own pudding milk tea today. Yep, I cooked milk with some gelatin powder, let that set, and afterwards took the tea I brewed last night that has been chilling in the fridge out, put some sugar water, milk, and ice in it and BAM. Instant moonleaf.

Sure it doesn't taste exactly the same (the jelly was a bit too firm, too milky, and not vanilla-y enough) but it hits the spot for sure!

I like being at home satiating my cravings by MAKING food instead of buying it. From many weeks of eating fastfood at least once a week in college, it's a very welcome change. I'm lucky to have a mom who lets me choose the food I want to eat, even though it's her that pays for groceries (and everything else really)... I really enjoy grocery shopping with her, it gives us a chance to talk about food and plans etc. I have her full support on the eating healthier thing. So I can take liberties in menu building. Exciting! I hope I live up to the challenge, and eventually help make my whole family eat healthier. The challenge is that my brothers are great carbi-carnivores. They can't exactly just eat oatmeal every morning. They don't see a salad, or oatmeal, or cereal as a meal. It's just something you eat with your meal. So I will have to find really wholesome, filling, but healthy recipes and make it with our helper. Then she'll learn it and make it more regularly. :) OR maybe I'm underestimating them. Maybe they can learn, I don't know, we shall have to see! I'm pretty sure everyone has the need and desire in them to be healthy.

I also made coffee jelly today, something she said she's always thought of making for when we have guests but keep on forgetting. I hope I remember. It's such a simple but satisfying dessert. Unless of course you find the whole concept of coffee in jelly form strange. (A lot of people do. Apparently it's an asian food.)

And I made tuna and chicken wraps, after mixing up tartar sauce first. I found a recipe. Apparently it'll taste better if you let it set but WOOPS i already ate it before it could. Made five more though. I wonder if it will also do the setting magic even if its already in the salad wrap.

I mean, my room is still a mess but I'm pretty pleased with myself.

Things that make me smile: Boxes and paper bags.

Little boxes, on the hillside, little boxes made of ticky-tacky..

Lately our whole city (and a few more around it) has switched to boxes and paperbags from plastic bags.

And although I very much prefer plastic to line my garbage bin (especially for wet things) I can't help but smile when I think of the bigger picture.

When my family stopped over for groceries before going to a private pool house, I found myself staring at the bagger as he puts all of our purchases in boxes and ties them up. 

I stared at the aisles not too far away behind the cashiers now that I'm on the other side and came to my mom, with a smile on my face, noting that by using boxes to send the products out, they are creating no waste at all. No need to produce new containers, no need to throw out the boxes that the stocks came in with. She agreed, clearly very enthusiastic as I am about the change.

In boxes they come, in boxes they go.

Why havent we thought of this before???

Now, still in the process of cleaning my room (don't judge me) I'm using the very same boxes we got from the grocery store yesterday to sort my stuff out. And to think that only months before, I was seriously thinking of buying boxes. BRAND NEW BOXES. What a waste that would have been! Luckily I put off organizing till now. 

happily put a bag over your head 
you are helping the enviroment you ugly f*cker.
and no one can take that away from you.

Right now my A/C is on and I admit that that's not very earth-friendly at all. The heat really gets to me and I need to get shit done! But I assure you that the thermostat is always kept on the econo zone and I otherwise (when I don't have to be in my room and I don't have to be doing something) brave the heat (and eventually hybernate and wake up with a headache) or just stay downstairs.

me when it's too hot
The point is, guys and girls, that we don't have to be perfect. It's the belief that half-assing is hypocritical that leaves some of us to just say "fuck it" and not do ANYTHING AT ALL instead of doing little somethings we could have done if eco-nazis werent guilt-tripping people over it.

ENCOURAGE the good that is made. It's a natural tendency of most people, when faced with people doing something right for once, to go "YEAH YOU DID THAT BUT YOU DID THIS WRONG AND THIS IS WHAT'S IMPORTANT"... What that does is to make people give up. People need approval. It's only natural. We need to be patted on the back for doing something good. Even if it's not everything.

Ask for the bad stuff to be rectified but please don't spit on the little stuff that's actually good just because it's not ALL good. When you ignore the little good things, people feel rejected. Then they start acting exactly like you don't want them to. Because you've made them believe that that's who they are.


Thank you for all of the smokers that try to blow their smoke the other way when smoking around people.
Thank you for everyone who recycles, reuses, and refuses shopping bags, even if it's just once. (But do continue)

And thank you, my dear homeland, for making this awesome switch!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Shows I Currently Love

I'm going to skip trying to make a coherent intro and get straight to the point. These are series that have their very own special bookmark folder in my browser for their Wiki "list of episode" pages. As a bum, these series make up a huge chunk of my life right now.


I've been watching this show since 2007-ish but it wasn't 'till a bit later when I started to have this weird obsessive need to see every.single.episode.there'd been. As much as I'm sad about The Simpsons not exactly making me laugh anymore (my faded Marge towel hangs sad and wilted every time I take the laptop into the bathroom while I shower just to rewatch Family Guy episodes for no reason other than to have "company".) I feel no remorse over my loyalty to Family Guy. I've seen every episode and continue to rewatch whole seasons whenever I feel like it. Seth MacFarlane is some sort of personal hero to me. He joins everything successfully. He does not scan between interests, he uses all of them together. He voices, sings, drew, and produces his own show. How fucking cool is he. And he's a pretty fucking good singer as well. andcoughhe'scoughkindacoughsexy

I don't think I really need to describe Family Guy. Everyone knows Family Guy. It's like Simpsons. But on acid.


This is one of those shows that nobody's even heard of where I'm from. I can't ask people "Do you watch Archer?" Rather, I have to ask "Do you know the show called Archer?" then I inevitably have to just show them. There's no explaining when it comes to Archer. But okay, I'll try. 

Pop-art style detective animation, set who-knows-when. Hilarious, dark, with many inside jokes, all of them so wrong but also so, so, right.

My boyfriend and I find ourselves quoting Archer in real life conversation from time to time. I think when you've watched it long enough there's just no way not to. Themes and jokes reoccur a lot in this show and you have to admire them for having the balls to even do that. It can get overdone and it can chafe you a little but hahaha. Chafing. That's got to be intended. Chafing is so Archer. Plus, the characters are messed up. People usually love to watch shit like that. You can deny liking them but you'll have to admit you can't look away.


Sure, the dysfunctional family theme has been used many times, but it takes real skill to actually make a bunch of characters that are supposedly related bounce off each other as effectively as this show does. It's like a great big idea that got translated into the little details very successfully and I think that is an awesome feat. To those of you who don't watch it, basically, the guy in the top panel is the family's patriarch (Jay) and his wife (Gloria) is a divorcee like him. The kid (Manny) is her son from her previous marriage with Benjamin Bratt's character Javier. In the second panel is Jay's daugter Claire's Family, and the third panel is his son Mitchell's family. Basically you have a May-December, interracial relationship with a step-parent dynamic, a teenage pregnancy that's fully blossomed into a house of three kids and a couple that actually made it work, and a gay couple with an adopted baby from a different race. It's a whacked-up situation when you look at it like that, but they actually make it work and the family has the charisma of any old TV family. The exchanges are hilarious and seem genuine, the characters are colorful in every sense of the word, and most of all, it promotes very good values. First of all, it obviously promotes equality for every kind of family out there, but when all of that is said and done and you just see them all as regular folks, (this show does a good job at making you do that fast) most importantly, the show promotes love. Even with all the weirdness and clashing, the Pritchett family always decides to stick together. They always choose forgiveness, acceptance, and choosing the best for each other.


This one's relatively new of course, being only in its first season. So far, it can be done a lot better, but personally, the show grew on me so I'll keep watching. I loved the first episode, then worried a little about the few succeeding ones, but eventually it picked up and I enjoyed watching it again. Maybe it's because I've started feeling attached to the characters, or because the show lived up to the obscure type of comedy that got a bit worrying at the start. Why? Well, it didn't feel very organic. At times it felt forced. When Coach's character was still on the show, it kinda worked. Winston's character didn't really do it for me at the start. It felt kinda racist to be honest. Just because Winston's black, we can all pretend Coach didn't happen? They're not the same person you know. They're not even the same personality. But maybe that's the thing I was looking for. When in the 19th episode Winston exploded into telling everyone what to do I was gasping for air. The way he said "Sit downnnn" was so unexpected and hilarious. But also kind of... very Coach. I guess I felt that Winston was too restrained at the start and now that he's becoming as crazy as his roommates I'm starting to like him more and more. I mean if you're gonna make characters that say stuff that people just.can't.say, might as well go balls out, right? Get that disbelief suspended. Keep the balloon off the ground. Anyone of you know that game? I loved that game as a kid.


Don't you love how being reminded that you'll die one day makes you live better? No? Too dark? Well, in some strange way I actually do. In the Big C, Laura Linney's character Cathy takes on an adventure that starts when her life becomes threatened to end. She has stage 4 Melanoma. What I always found amazing is how they've stretched the story out to two seasons and counting. You'd (well I did for sure) expect it to end soon because duh, she has cancer, and making her live would feel like a cop-out.. But so far, she's thriving and it doesn't feel like a cop-out to me. She really is struggling. Even though she seems to have it so much better than most people who do have cancer. My dad for one thing, only lived for 2 months since finding out he had stage 4 lung cancer.

But yeah, I think the characters are lovable in some way, and Cathy inspires me. When I watch it I always feel like, She's in her 40's, has cancer, and she still does all of these things.. I'm 21 and fully able-bodied. What's stopping me?


This is what I'm currently watching. It actually just stopped airing, and from the last that I've seen of it I guess it struggled to keep the ball rolling and the end was timely. I mean, there's probably not that much to say about a transitional stage when it only lasts for two/three years. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Life Unexpected is about Lux, a teenager out of foster care who looked for her birthparents to acquire emancipation only to end up being ruled to live under their custody. Her mom got pregnant at 16 at winter formal, gave her up, and now she's a radio DJ. Apparently, the very DJ that she listens to every morning. Anyway, at 32, her birth parents are practically teenagers themselves, still trying to grow up and dealing with their issues. But they instantly commit to parenting her after meeting her. So yeah. They really only have two years before she turns 18 when the show starts. But, you know, there's a LOT of ways you can stretch that premise out. I guess they just didn't have enough viewers. Also from what I saw when I caught the last episode on TV (which ultimately lead to me downloading all two seasons just for closure) I guess it got kinda weepy? Not sure, I'll have to see for myself, but Baze had a scene with this blonde girl and he was being all Mr.Drama and it kinda gave me the creeps even though I find him cute. Hahahaha. I'll have to see for myself. I really like the vibe of the show so I'm hoping I won't mind that much.

Trivia: The lead actor Britt Robertson was born on the exact date I was. But she makes a convincing 15 year old.


This show is epic to say the least and it's just... SO WELL MADE. Story-wise, the relations are so intricate that sometimes you're not sure which side you're on or if you have a side at all. Personally I'm annoyed by the Lannister twins but I can't rule out the house because I love Tyrion. I love Daenerys Targaryen but I can't really say I want her to rule all seven kingdoms. I guess I'm still particular to House Stark. But really, after Eddard got beheaded, I don't know anymore. Robb seems promising lately but we'll just have to see. You'll never really know with this show.

When Eddard got beheaded it was one of the worst fiction-caused heartaches of my life. Or maybe the only one as I usually get over stuff in a day. I think I had a real mourning period for him. But after a while and due to some guidance from my boyfriend I saw the light and saw where he went wrong. And maybe even gained some respect for twincestial Cersei. But I still felt like I've been orphaned at some level. Don't judge me.

I love how the characters seem to grow, especially the younger ones. And of course I appreciate the creation of a fictional universe very very much. It tickles my insides and makes me feel all tingly inside.

I still have yet to read the books, though. But with all the stuff I watch (and rewatch) we can only guess as to when that will happen.

What about you? What shows are you currently loving and why?

Monday, April 9, 2012

What do I become now?

School's over.


I mean unless I ride a wild whim somewhere down the road and enroll myself in a special class (likely) that involves writing notes and doing homework instead of doing workshop-type activities (unlikely), classrooms, teachers, homework, all of that stuff is now part of history in my book.

I am no longer a student. When people ask me what I do, I won't be able to say "I'm studying" anymore. Nope. I mean, okay, maybe I still tiptoe around it and say "I'm a graduating student", which is half true. I kind of delayed it again to have until October to finish everything (typical). But I don't go to class anymore. So I'm not exactly studying in school anymore.

So what am I now?

I don't know about you, but as for career paths, I'm actually one of those people who have too much to choose from. And I'm just gonna go ahead and stop you before you strangle me for being full of myself 'cause let me tell you: It's a problem.

Being interested in a hundred things doesn't actually give you a hundred jobs to choose from. It just makes you want to do a bajillion things but gives you zero focus for any of them. Everything's just too interesting that you can't stay put anywhere doing any single thing.

Now that I'm in my twenties, it's started to become really clear that I'm becoming what my mom has always warned me I had the potential to be.

"Jack of all trades, master of none."

When I was younger, that had always annoyed me. Why couldn't she be encouraging instead of pouring hot water on my dreams all the time? But I guess I missed the real lesson that had to be taken from all of that.

My mom is a great woman, with a lot of wisdom to share. The problem is that I guess we don't exactly have the same language. So all I could take from what she was saying was "Stick to one thing." and naturally I tilted towards the defensive, my whole being screaming: I CAN'T HELP IT, IT'S WHO I AM! But now that I am older I realize that there is a different way to understand what she was trying to say. She didn't really say this exactly, but if I was more positive in my absorption of her "nagging" I could have just read that as:

"Stick to each interest long enough to master them before starting something else."

I don't know what it is about moms and daughters that make them so volatile and defensive against each other, but I really want to be beyond whatever that is because I believe that personally, my mom and I have so many stuff that we can share with each other and help each other with. Like this. If I wasn't so broken inside and hurt about stuff she said and instead open and accepting (I'm not sure where it came/comes/is coming from. Maybe a lack of positive reinforcement growing up resulting to a low self-esteem or confidence in the goodness of her intentions towards me, which is a depressing thought but needs to be addressed at least privately within myself so I can get over it maybe. Actually, can everyone stop for a minute and just click that link? Let's make the world a better place by raising happy children.) and more importantly, if I tried to build up the advice she gives to create something useful for myself instead of always trying to go against it, then maybe I could have grown up feeling really close to her, benefited from the wisdom in her experiences, aaaaaaaaand felt more confident about growing up. Because I swear I still don't feel a day over seventeen.

These days I'm just trying to get things together, very slowly. I'm in the middle of cleaning and fixing my room, getting stuff together to start the job I applied for as an online-based English tutor, re-remembering all the things I wanted to do when this time came that I am no longer ridden with school problems, and generally trying to get myself excited about life.

High on the list is the cleaning thing, because I find that clutter does not help my situation at all. And everyone knows what a time-waster it is when you realise you need something and you don't know where it is and you have to dig through tonnes of stuff to even get to it. The tonnes of stuff also distract you so it's like a doublewhammy.

As for now I have my coffee with me, a water, which is a sign that I'm still taking care of myself, and even though my room is still messy, I've become trigger-happy again, which is a sure sign of life.

Looking more forwardly to life I am.