Emotional Minimalism

What if you could declutter your feelings?

What if you could look over the stock of emotional reactions you keep around, decide which ones to keep, and which ones aren't serving you anymore, and let them go?

Sure you can't toss people out in your life, there will always be bad apples in your circles, maybe even your family, but what if you can toss out the guilt, shame, undeserved care, or any other feeling associated with them that doesn't do anyone any good?

What if you can free yourself from the insecurity of not being as good as you want to be, and make some space to stock up on feeling excited about how much you can improve instead? After all, minimalism isn't about merely having less, but rather having what is essential, and forgoing everything else.

What if you could accept and recognize the effect of toxic people on you and decide not to feel obliged to impress them, and allow yourself to keep a civil, safe distance?

The thing is, you can. Sure, it's not an exact analogy: there is no before-and-after picture you can take, and it cannot be done over one long holiday. Emotions are habits, not things, and saying they're easy to quit is like saying beating addiction is as simple as just not buying cigarettes anymore.

Most days it would feel like giving away old clothes, only to find them back in your closet the next day. Emotions are clothes, if clothes were alive and could crawl.

Emotional decluttering feels more like training a muscle. You'll have to do it regularly, but there will always be an improvement, and it should only get easier over time.

And the way to start is to stop and decide to be aware of what you have in there in the first place. A lot of objectivity, a listening ear from a friend, maybe even a bit of journalling, but the most important thing is to choose to be aware of how you feel from now on.

Know that your emotions don't have to BE you. You don't have to let the monstrous black tides that wash over you pull you away into an endless sea of hopelessness or anger. You are more like a shelf, and emotions are the books you put into it. And sure, the longer you keep some books in there, the more they're going to look like they're part of that shelf, and the shelf won't ever be the same without them. That's all fine and good if you're keeping good classics in there that remind you of how to strive in life, and how to create and keep joy. How to love, or feel grateful, so sure keep those. But if they're shitty novels or gossip rags, would the shelf never being the same be such a bad thing?

It's hard, and it will take time. But it's a choice you can always make.

And again, Minimalism is not about having the least possible amount, but about having less of what you don't need, and more of what is essential. So perhaps, replacing the bad with the good will do you more favors than just trying to create a void and resisting the icky feelings when they come. Build the habit of hopping onto a happier train of thought instead of boring a hole into an awkward memory of a moment that you can't change.

There is loads of good advice out there about the hows of it all, but the most important part is to remind yourself that it's an option. There is a different way to live. There is a way to think kinder, that is, thinking in a way that is kinder to yourself, and this will allow you to also be kinder to others.

Since we're welcoming a new year soon, perhaps it would be a good time to start.

💫2016: slow, subtle, steady af.✨ (my 2016 year review using pages from The Giving Journal)

Now, I know, I know... When it comes to the state of the world, "slow, subtle, steady af" is nowhere near applicable for describing the year that was. It was a rough ride. But looking at it through a more personal, introspective set of eyes, that was how my personal development in life was like this past year.
I used a CBTL Giving Journal in 2016 and it had these cutesy pages that I had fun filling out, and now that it's 2017 I'm using them to get a feel of my progress, to remember where I was at at the start:

Late in 2015, subject to numerous tiring bus rides, I had a lot of time to think of a way to picture how I wanted 2016 to go. What steps I wanted to take. That was when I got the inspiration to imagine my life as a flower:

I imagined:

1. that in the first quarter, I'd be preparing a good foundation for myself through good health and a saner state of mind (the roots of the plant, but i called it seeds for the sake of the pattern -.-).
2. In the second quarter, I'd be aiming for better structure, and an upwards movement kinda feel through a stable job and habits that I hoped would be automated thereafter (stalks),
3. the third quarter was going to be when my efforts in making regular output were going to be refined and focused into the channels where I'd find myself gravitating more towards, so that
4. in the fourth quarter, after concentrating my energy on those, I'd acquire the blooms, or in other words, I was going to have everything I do "pay off" in the end.

Of course that didn't go exactly as planned. I unexpectedly found a real life job I actually liked going to, and so that occupied me. That being said, I still managed to make it halfway through the flower thing. I felt healthier because I was more active and slept better, my work makes me feel involved and improved me in aspects I wanted to improve on. I was just really ready for feeling rooted and stable, I guess. But in my opinion, I didn't get to do much of gearing towards personal projects, and I think that's vital for me to feel truly balanced.

BUT if I may, past Bea, there's something I'd like to change in that whole flowchart/metaphor thingy you got there:

I think the fourth one was a bit too focused on receiving things, like I needed success to be guaranteed. Blooms shouldn't be about things that are not in my hands, methinks. It should just be about me being able to look back into what I worked on and feel like I finished things I started. But I still like the part where I say something to the effect of "to know how to introduce myself to strangers." I think blooming should also be about getting a better sense of my identity through things I've done, so that's staying.

So I only made it to the halfway point of the marathon, but I'm still much better off from where I'm started, so I'm really happy! Aim for the stars, make it to the moon, I guess.

That being said, "my 2016 life mantra" in the CBTL Giving Journal guided me quite well:

I grew in so much ease (I guess it pays off to take things slow), much more ease than I thought was possible. And indeed, it was through being kinder to myself (and others - tension arises when we assume the worst of people who hurt us, and love blooms when we give them a chance)...

So! Good improvements:

• I've been taking on more things than I'm used to for work, and I'm staying afloat! It's done my confidence a lot of good. I used to think I had no perseverance. But I'm learning that I just need people around me sometimes, and that accountability works on me.
• Managing that by finally, finally being able to naturally apply the "one thing at a time" thing that I've always been trying to learn how to do (I say this time and time again - it's one thing to know something, and another thing to apply. Think of that the next time you nag someone or yourself.). I can actually stop worrying once I decide that it's not time for it yet; such a big relief!
• Being more open about my flaws, being able to dissect my own behaviour and change. A lot of people are good at seeing other people's flaws, but it takes a certain level of perseverance to see your own flaws and not be defensive about them. I've always admired people who can do that and in turn create wonderful things with that self-awareness, and I feel like I'm slowly getting there. Makes me happy. (And relieved!) It also allows me to get closer to people easier.
• I'm getting a little better at hushing that negative voice in my brain! Sure, I look crazy at times because sometimes I tell it to stop out loud, but hey, whatever works, right?
• I sleep at night and wake up in the morning regularly now. It's kind of a huge deal.
• I can moderately extrovert a bit more than before. Still wrecks me with anxiety from time to time, especially when I have a lot on my plate, but I'm managing!

And here are the things that need improvement:

• WRITE THINGS DOWN AND DON'T LOSE THEM AND ACTUALLY READ THEM AGAIN PLEASE?! So many missed opportunities for blog posts and fiction and whatnot.
• Speaking my mind about a risky thing without getting scared/shaking/feeling like my throat is full of ice
• Working on personal projects for real this time outside of work
• More balance between trusting myself and honing the mindset that allows me to feel accountable enough to meet that trust
• I'd also like if there was less automatic negative self-talk to hush in the first place
• More physical activity!!!

Goodbye, 2016. Was nice knowing you!

Best way I could have ended/started a year..

With Beardy of course!!!

Our first and only us-sie XD This thumb-face selfie thing keeps happening. XD I can't help it sometimes! This was his beard before I trimmed it - one of our many firsts!!!

But that's not all.. I spent it with his family too! One of his sisters, and both of his parents came over to spend time with us. It was unbelievably lovely.

This was our first Christmas and New Year (not to mention actual anniversary, too) together, so I'd say it was pretty special, but that would be a gross understatement. And I didn't even know it would happen when we parted this summer.

There are honestly no words to describe how wonderful it was. But I still want to mark the occasion on this space of mine in the internet, by posting pictures from E's papa's camera. I'm still waiting on more from Anne's camera (I'm very excited to see them!! I noticed they have awesome natural talent in capturing the right moments in pictures) so this likely won't be the last photo throwback I'm going to make for those wonderful few days.

On the 27th we had our Christmas family reunion, and it was a lot of fun! we all wore red, green or white and we played games.  Most importantly, we got to introduce E's family to my extended family, and it was really nice and fun. Here are more pictures:

People in red

People in green

Our beauuutiful moms and aunt

These two pictures are really amazing to me. I don't know who took it, or how they did it, but they really found a way to make the kids comfortable :)

This one really looks like she's waiting for snow XD Only, there's never any here of course!

Tito boyet butchering the poor piggy

Beardy butchering the poor Sansa haha

J'adore cette photo :> Beardy has told me how much closer he feels now to my mom and he likes it and she likes it and i love it :D This was when he was asked to make a speech for the Champagne, I think. (actual Champagne! I don't think we've ever had that in our family XD Just sparkling wine. Which is delicious too but still.)

Beardy and me participating in Christmas games in our respective Christmas hats! As you can see, Tito Leo, as per usual, cracks everyone up. Including adorable Beardy.

Beardy's first time participating in our family videoke sessions! I'm so happy about how festive he was that day. I didn't even tell him to wear that hat, he initiated it! (He brought it from work!)

After the Christmas reunion, I went with Beardy and his family (which I feel is part of my family now, too!) to a couple of getaways: one day we went to Intramuros and Rizal Park, and the following day we went to Matabunkay to spend two days at the beach!

I really like these pictures Papa Eric took of us in St.Augustine :)

Matchy-matchies!!

I took this! :D My new-found familyyy ~

Dinner again at home :) I can really tell how much our parents like each other, they really spend all night talking together!

After snorkelling in Matabunkay :D so many fishies! I will really treasure this memory forever. It was perfect.

I'm so happy I still got to play with sand even if our time was short!

a couple of goofy waterbabies

Taal on our way back :D

New Year's Eve was also really nice and peaceful and happy ~ We hunted for fireworks and didn't really get to do a proper count down but kissed and hugged anyway :D

Me looking like I've had enough cake even though I'm only just starting to slice it!!!
I kinda like this picture, I look fat but I don't mind it, it looks happy to me (look at how tiny my baby Beardy looks with his cute smile) And I'm wearing earrings that Maman Noëlle gave me for Christmas :3

Walking through Paseo on the night, seeing if we want to spend the countdown in the party they had, but deciding to spend it with each other instead ~ we still had a mini dance party by ourselves though!

like dis.

It was the shortest stay Beardy has ever had with me but also somehow the most meaningful, with many many many firsts for us... I was able to have a Christmas exchange gift in his family's hotel room with them, seated all together and that's something he's always told me about and I'm so happy to have experienced it with them. There are so many more, on the last day of 2014 we even wrote down all of the firsts we had in a list... There's 17 things in there right now and I don't even think we remembered everything. I'm so happy with him, and now I've fallen in love with his family too. I always somehow knew I'd love them, but I was still taken off-guard. And I know my family was, too. :D

Anyway, I'm so happy everything happened even though it was too short and I now miss him terribly again, but I know we'll be together very soon later this year, and probably for good! So I'm not taking it too hard. :)