Thursday, November 7, 2013

the stwuggul

i'm swimming in a shallow river floating midair.

that's how my life feels right now.

there's a fight inside me between growth and a form of authenticity, or is it complacency? i'm sure that this job is not my calling, it takes effort to stay afloat. there's no bottom to tread. but if i stop swimming and keep walking like i'm used to, maybe i won't grow into who i really am either.

im sure there is a way to stay authentic in circumstances that are inauthentic. maybe it's a piece in my life's puzzle. it's just a stage of life. in any case, what lies at the end, if it really is there for me, is worth it. so i'll keep swimming.



  1. Just keep swimming, figuratively, and hopefully, you're not swimming literally in the typhoon.

    I understand where you're coming from. I too don't think that your job is your calling, but you did experience the end an era that was college and I think a bit of the mundane can serve as a resting place / plateau while you contemplate what's next in your life.

    Although, you never know. I thought doing residential architecture was a plateau back in 2001 when I was trying to get to 3D animation and it became the one niche in architecture that I found worthwhile. Of course, my journey is not your journey. I just say this to say that sometimes surprises lie in the most unexpected places.

    I hope you continue to ask yourself these introspective questions because that'll keep your head up to breathe in life. Good luck, Bea!

    I also hope you're staying on dry ground!

    1. hi tita! i just recently quit haha :) but i've saved enough munnies for my plans and it was making me miserable and not myself so i guess it's okay! :) i hope i find my thing soon :) i know i'll feel it once i find it :D at least faintly, cos this time i felt the opposite of a calling with this job :( but there's a first for everything! it was a good experience overall. especially once i forget all about the bad stuff.