Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Sometimes it takes a bucket.

These past few days I've been meaning to put up a post about how weekends with my family make me tolerate the daily stress my mental state subjects me to everyday at work. I wanted to call it "Just a spoonful of sugar".. you know like the song.. Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down in the most delightful way..

Because trying to spend all day all weekend with my family really did help me a lot with coping. But since then there'd been a huge turn of events that even surprised myself even though I orchestrated all of it.

Just recently I'd already talked to my boss about needing to quit soon. Usually there is a 30 day notice before you are allowed to quit. My boss just asked for a letter of intent, because I was really intending to try and last another thirty days. But yesterday before work, I just felt an incredibly strong urge to just do it right away. I very frankly admitted that I don't think I would show up for those thirty days anyway and wanted to inform them face to face instead of disappearing. The people from where I work were gracious enough to actually let me exit with an immediate resignation, which I did not expect at all. To be honest I was expecting to just be technically terminated due to absence because of not showing up for the last 30 days. I feel really grateful about that weird turn of events. I feel so grateful to that company even though I couldn't handle the job itself. Of course I feel a bit guilty and sorry because there was a long period of basically training and testing and I was chosen to go into production but I ended up quitting anyway. But I couldn't ignore how I felt about all of it anymore. I couldn't bear to be depressed on Christmas. So I just waited until the time was ripe to do it, but somehow had to do it as fast as possible as well. I'm both sorry but really happy. It's a weird cocktail of emotions.

So yeah, a spoonful of sugar may make the medicine go down, but sometimes you just need a bucket of cold water to wake you up and realise that the medicine is all wrong and it's just making you sicker and trying to keep taking it anyway is also making you diabetic.

Bold brave brash move, but maybe I needed to do that at least once in my life. And all things considered, I'm glad I did it. And even maybe a little proud of myself.

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