Thursday, May 10, 2012

How to Shrug It Off

There will be times in our lives where people will tell us things we don't want to hear.

There are times where it's something helpful, there are times when it's not, and there are those times were some of it is helpful but not all of it. Those ones are the hardest to deal with.

It's easy to shrug it off when it's a stranger, or a random person. Mean anons on Tumblr, for example, are usually so easily shrugged off with a comeback. Their words enter your brain, and maybe flutter in your chest for a second, but usually, they don't have the power to hate yourself. They only make you hate them.

However, personally, when it's an important person in my life, it becomes a little tricky. It suddenly feels like I have to defend myself, because it matters to me what they think is true. And in some level at times, I might also start to believe what they say.

I am faced with this right now, and I want to share with you what I want to do about it. This is me telling myself these things.


  1. Remember that they are words. You can take them or leave them. After the initial sting wears off, organize your thoughts. Consider what was said, but remember that just because these people are close to you, doesn't mean their words should be taken without contemplation. Assigning so much more weight on the things they've said that they didn't even think about than you would if it was a random person does not prove that you love them. It just gives them a greater chance to hurt you, which nobody really wants to have. If they love you, I assure you that they don't want that. They don't want to hurt you, they just don't understand you.
  2. Take the good with you. When you find something helpful in what they have said, dust it off of the unnecessary hurtful things, and take the part that is helpful with you. For example, turn "you don't care about anyone else, you're so lazy" into "I should do more chores".. This part is very hard to do because your brain will repeat the hurtful stuff. When it does, just tell it calmly and sternly (emotionally resisting will give it more power) "no that's not true. i don't need that." and focus on the task at hand, that is, in this example, doing chores.
  3. Don't argue with a close-minded person. It just escalates the argument, no matter what tone you take. If the person has a preconceived image of you in their mind and are not open to reconsider, you will hear it in their voice. When they describe you to yourself, it will sound like they are very sure, while it sounds ridiculous and wrong to you. Just say what needs to be said calmly and statement-like. Rid it of all emotional bursts because an angry person will feed off of that and make it grow bigger. They subconsciously are looking for an emotional reaction to escalate from. It's not their fault, they just don't see what they are doing in their state. Take the higher road and
  4. Just know who you are. Be so sure of it that nobody can tell you otherwise and convince you. Love yourself, trust yourself, and let yourself become the person you want to be. A lot of times these people might tell us something about who we are that we don't agree with, because our state of mind is different from our state of doing. It's not what they see. And that's okay. Don't live in their terms. Live in yours. If you feel like the best is yet to come for you, just do your best to close the gap. WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT YOURSELF IS WHAT'S IMPORTANT. Be so happy about who you are that there's little room for insecurity. Every once in a while someone knocks us out of balance by saying things like this, so we need time to pull ourselves back to our center. Remember that who you are is enough. Finally,
  5. Don't hold grudges. Once in a while, try to look at things from their point of view. If something important needs to be said, say it calmly, but say it. Don't make a habit of keeping things inside and letting them eat you. If you can't let go of them, let the person concerned help you. Have a healthy discussion about it. But only initiate these if it's needed. Doing this too much actually creates chaos. Your goal, always, should be creating peace. Don't be so hungry in defending yourself. Pull your head out of your ass and see the world around you. Work with the bigger picture in mind. Your image is not crucial for humankind's well-being.

In the end we're all just little specks in the universe. We all have brains, we all have wrongs, we all have rights. But in any case we can only see the world through our personal experiences. Allow a healthy distance between you and the important people in your life. Remember that you can be one, but never the same. Don't expect ANYONE to understand you all the time, to be everything you need, or to fill the "role" your mind has for them in your life perfectly. We are all just people. Our roles should not define us in this time and age. If they did, a lot of human rights will be trampled on. Live and let live.


8 comments:

  1. I am a work in progress...
    I am a work in progress...
    I am a work in progress....

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    1. correct! and you'll get better and better so long as you keep trying!

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  2. Thank you for this wonderful post! Exactly my thoughts, although you put it much more coherently. Haha. For me, letting things go is a big part of getting through the day. Words can sting as much as they inspire, but what really matters is what YOU've got to say about yourself.

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    1. thank you for leaving this comment! i'm happy to know that my post has resonated with you.

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  3. i need help ,dunt have the mechanism to shrug things off:(

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    1. hello! it really takes time and effort, don't be too hard on yourself! everyone has struggles..the important thing is that you give yourself consideration and understanding and most importantly, time! let yourself be sad for a while, and pick yourself back up! be your own best friend for when you need one, and soon you'll find answers. or at the very least, things will just start to hurt less and less as time passes by :)

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  4. what if u dunno ur own self??

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    1. It's not a problem, i think everyone is on a journey to know themselves better and better each day.. I think a good way to learn is to ask yourself who you WANT to be.. And if you place your intentions in the right place and try to be that person, then you'll know if your intentions are good or not, and you'll know how to weed out things people say that you know aren't true :)

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