But there was also that feverish excitement that I look back on now with a sort of muted horror. The "Department Store Christmas" type of excitement. A heady feeling when going down a street of shops that are lit with a string of fairy lights, speakers blaring with increasingly annoying Christmas songs. Okay, even until now, the Christmas lights, I still get it... They're just undeniably pretty to me. But just like that desire to eat fudge out of a tub, I remember having an unhealthy excessive relationship with spending money on a bunch of small things to "give to people" around the holidays. And I remember all the gifts that I receive, how I genuinely feel nice when I receive them because someone thought of me, but then... Never actually really use. Then I wonder how many of the gifts I give other people they actually use, and when they do, only keep out of guilt.
Ok. Whoever is reading this, if I have given you something in the past that you're only keeping because I gave it to you... PLEASE GET RID OF IT! Give it away! Throw it (responsibly) ! Sell it if it's even possible, I don't want you to keep it just because I might look for it. I won't! It's ok! I don't remember it anymore!)
Every Christmas, a bunch of people buy a bunch of stuff for a bunch of other people, and people just keep accumulating more and more things! But most people don't need more things!!! What does that tell you?! I'm getting sweaty just thinking about it. And I just took a bath!
So here are a few thoughts, and please read my disclaimer at the end:
1. What if instead of spending money, we learned how to really spend time with people in our life? Do we still know how to have a real conversation? Our phones make it easy to be around people without really being with them. We take some people in our life for granted because they're "always around", that one day, we realize we have no ideas about their aspirations, struggles, what they like, what they are like, how they feel about certain things. We can spend years living with people and not really know them at all. Do something with someone, have a nice talk about something interesting to the both of you.
2. What if instead of paying big bills for fancy dinners, we learned how to pay attention? To truly notice when someone does something for us, when someone makes an effort in their outfit or their home. When someone looks sad, or even happy, to ask them to tell you the story behind why. To really listen when the story is told, not just as a chance to give an opinion, but to take the opportunity to get to know someone better, and then maybe to share some part of yourself as well. This is the kind of gift that will still matter no matter how many Christmases pass.
3. What if instead of giving a bunch of last-minute, barely thought-out gifts, we learned how to better give thanks? Think of the people who have always been there, show them your appreciation. Getting appreciation is one of those timeless gifts that stand the test of time. People might take it for granted that others know they're doing a good job. But sometimes it needs to be said. A nice thank you note with a little drawing might probably be kept longer than a random shiny thing you find in a department store. And it would cost less, too.
When we try to rethink the holidays this way, instead of collecting things, we collect memories. When I write down my Gratitude Log for the day, it is rare for me to write about a material thing. Because at the end of the day, the materials don't matter as much as the experience. And even when they do, it's the experience of them that stays with you.
To summarize here's a Hallmark-y doodlydoo I made with PicMonkey because I felt clever at 12am last night :
Trololol.
Things weigh you down, and they rot, and they accumulate, then you need to get rid of them, and you'll always want more. Memories can be kept with you, they take no physical space. They don't need a box or a bag that ends up in a landfill or eaten by some poor turtle in the ocean that will haunt your feed one day. Feeling connected with others is often free, and is a lasting gift.
But ON THAT NOTE, I am also compiling a list of gifting guidelines for myself that feel more "aligned" to post-department store Christmas me. Again I might post it here, who knowwwwssss?
Pay attention to my posts to find out. Haha.
disclaimer: if things are toxic at home or in family gatherings, it is not your responsibility to power through interactions that leave you in pain if people in your life are not checking themselves or are being intentionally hurtful. If people are toxic you are absolutely allowed to cope with a device and try to get by with just minimal civil interaction. Take care of yourself!
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