State of Flow Through Sushi Go!

if you think these spreads are too lucky to be unstaged... you would be right.

Today, Beardy and I played Sushi Go!

It was the weekend, we felt like we deserved to do fun things after a tiring week, and since there were enough days between today and the next work day, I actually could relax into it, and my panicky "YOU DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE FUN" mode was completely off.

It was a lot of fun, and I enjoyed trying for a change, to do some of the shuffling and dealing of the cards, and adding of points. Something I always let Beardy do because he does it faster and more efficiently, and we often play with friends and not just the two of us, so I don't want to take other people's time. But today was all about just enjoying ourselves, and Beardy is like a very supportive father when it comes to me trying to do it on my own, no matter how embarassingly slow.

Afterwards, I had some very queer feels, which I shared with him: That was relaxing, but also exciting! ("Just like Japan!" I had to say, not only because of Sushi, but because this day we're also trying to sort out the itinerary for the trip we'll take there in May)

Relaxing and Exciting.. Two things that don't normally come together for me. I'm either relaxed and therefore kind of demotivated to do anything but lay around, or excited, and therefore agitated and leaving nice wads of hair all over the floor.

But I think that's what the ideal state of flow is supposed to feel like.

It's easy to know how one should be like, to know about a state of mind, or a state of heart, but to truly be able to be there, in that state of mind or state of heart is really the only way one can be familiarized with in in such a way that can make it easier to recognize and therefore capture, or inhabit more often.

And when it clicked, when I recognized it as it happened, I thought, could I try and inhabit this state when creating art? When writing songs, playing, singing, when writing creatively?

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to just write and create, without thinking about results, but just to create in order to improve, to go through the sensation of discomfort when something isn't panning out easily, when the words don't come, without letting the desire to correct myself absolutely engulf the whole experience?

So I thought of writing this, here, now. Hoping that I could inhabit all of the "This, Here, Now"'s of my life with more ease, more clarity, lightness, and me-ness.