Saturday, October 26, 2013

i have many feelings about japan

and they're like extremes of everything. ive never been, but i have lots of impressions about it~

japan seems so childlike playful and imaginative in a lot of ways

but it also can be really bigoted about some stuff and has a lot of double-standards about sex, family values, dating etc D: read Guardian article here if interested

it's a mix of REALLY OLD TRADITIONAL STUFF like everyone typically sees in films and restaurants and the like, and like really crazy sci-fi level futuristic stuff like ROBOSUSHI

it just seems like a wonderful, unpredictable, crazy, adorable parallel universe and they're super nifty about many things and super inventy but really fun about it, but at the same time it's super sad what they've been through lately and how the social pressures that they have put on themselves are getting in the way of human interaction in a huge, massive, population-annihilating scale! (see previous guardian article, and many other articles online if you look).. plus that awkward hand-washy stuff about the wars in the past that my boyfie has educated me about but i won't really get into that for this one . . . but through it all they still try to make things fun somehow

i feel sad about the problems ailing them and how their policies seem to work against them a lot, but i can only hope that they can thrive for some decades more! i hope they open their doors more to the world, maybe it can help them heal their wounds... i think their cultural integrity is strong enough to be sustained even if they do so :) and i wish to visit in a couple years :D i love the food, and i'd like a new adventure!

this has been a random post about a random country that i've never even been to and yet feel a kind of closeness to. no anime or cosplay involved.

*takes a bow*

Sunday, October 20, 2013


It's fantastic to feel that I'm still learning new things everyday. More than just practical knowledge and new skills, I'm happy that I keep learning about myself. I'm happy that being aware of what I'm doing wrong doesn't stop there: I'm also learning what to do instead.

I feel like I've grown up a lot in terms of being more direct, open, vulnerable, and connected with other humans. Some things are better learned on the spot, through experience instead of theory and imagination. In a huge way, having a real-actual-person job helps me a lot in learning these things. I feel like one of those dogs on Dog Whisperer, being thrown in a sea of balanced dogs in order to learn balance.

Of course the sea of humans I'm thrown into isn't a collection of  balanced ones like Cesar's pack, but because we're humans, them I'm able to carry my own weight in learning instead of completely relying on the energy around me. I'm able to pick, choose, analyse and take what I deem apt to emulate, based on my own judgments.

What I never saw coming was how important it was to feel connected in order to be a balanced human myself. But we are all animals after all, and it makes sense now.

I'm still learning about it, slowly and surely, but I feel like it may be the missing piece. I have a strong feeling about this one. It's all coming together now.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Re: Cracks

i actually feel good today. i'm not anxious about monday. no unnecessary acid in my stomach from supressing anxiety.

i went through a growth spurt, my skin cracked and i bled through the cracks, but i grew bigger and my skin is now keeping up and starting to become more flexible. and i think my growth spurt is stabilising as well.

i think i'll be okay.

(just in case you took it literally, don't take any of that literally. i meant as a person, obviously.)