It's playtime. :)

It's somehow became a trend in everything I read lately: what people regret when they're dying. It showed up in the book I just read, It showed up blogposts and facebook newsfeed updates. All from different people. We are mortal beings. We will die someday. What we have here in front of us, the Now, is all we have at any given time. And one day we won't be conscious of it anymore. We will become unconscious earth matter again. Wasting time is a greater sin than wasting electricity, money, water, anything at all.

Something happened in first period made me disappointed in myself today. It made it so clear how I've let many things that are so near to me slip by. But I'd dare say that actually feeling disappointed by something like that is a HUGE improvement on my part. Because I see now, clearly, how things can be really better. Why it's important to try. Why it's not a big waste of energy. I see that picture in my head, I see what I'm missing. And it all came to me before it's too late.

I feel my higher Self calling out to me, telling me it's time for another paradigm shift.. (I hear Scott Pilgrim in my head: "One of your famous paradigm shifts?")

When I came home, I was so set on making things right. I had a flash of a magical feeling of presence during third period while watching a documentary about Global Warming and I was planning to use it to its full potential. But somehow the afternoon turned into playtime with my nieces. First I was teaching my 8-y/o niece new french words (she likes making me teach her some french that I learn from class) and my 3-y/o niece kept piping in and so I let her join us. Then it turned into a wonderful wonderful time. We practiced handshakes, little tickling rhymes, and other games. Then we pretended to be animals. I was so fully immersed in these activities, fully going for it, ignoring whatever it was in my head that was making me a bit embarrassed about how silly I was being. The distinction between the adult and the children disappeared. All that was left were three children, just one "leading" with more experience and knowledge under her belt. But all of the things we were doing were not below me at all. We were equals.

It's time to look at independent life as one huge playground.

Why? I just put some things together, very recent things (as if the universe was singing me a song), and it all made sense:

1. It's useless to aim for "adultness". Because what is an adult anyway? Weren't we all kids at some point? What makes a kid any less of a human being than a fully grown human being apart from the fact that a child is new and has less responsibilities? I've always felt insecure about the fact that I feel like I'm stuck in a really childlike mindset. This has caused a lot of fear and resistance on my part. But I've now come to terms with the fact that there's nothing wrong with feeling like a kid having adult experiences. That maybe it's not me being a child. It's just who I really am, and that's okay. A person is a person is a person. I should apply the respect I have for children (trying to talk to them as equals instead of manipulating them with my advantages in practical knowledge and experience) to my own self. I am me no matter what age I am and I don't need to act in a way that isn't me.
2. Playtime creates REAL dreams, goals, aims, personalities. I know that treating life like it's playtime and to not take it seriously seems irresponsible. But when I really think about it, when I used to play games as a kid, when I pretended I was a doctor, a mom, a talented violin player, in my head, it was pretty darn serious business. It felt important. It was just pretend, but I really lived and was present in those "characters" much more than I ever have been in my real adult life so far. Playtime generates REAL, USABLE LIFE ENERGY. And if I employ the same enthusiasm and presence to my life now, there will be far more resistance and more enjoyment in every step I take.
3. It's all about self-validation. If this is what works for me, then I should use it! Awakening the child in me shakes off A LOT of the inhibition. It feels good being able to let go of all my preconceptions about how I should act. Or how I need to do things. Nobody else really knows what they're doing anyway.

Isn't this a more exciting concept anyway? Being a kid doing adult stuff? Having fun, doing what you want, but also KNOWING what you're doing and having the liberty to decide?

I agree. It definitely is. And if immersing myself in this paradigm shift is really all it takes for me to make the most of the time I've got left than isn't that just a classic case of "Back to Basics"? Ah well. I never would have really understood its importance the easy way.