Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Please mean something.

I'm doing a lot of planning.

Typical, but this is my actual occupation right now. I don't have to be doing anything else. I'm not in school and I quit my job. This is all I'm doing and I hope it will mean something when 2015 rolls in. I'm taking it slow at this stage, but I know that if I really decide to pursue this path, being an entrepreneur, the tides will be rougher. But I'm hoping I'd have built a lot of muscle by that time to hold on to the raft (...or the yacht, really. If I'm going to be totally ambitious.. amiriiiiiiigh).

I'm thinking not only about possible ventures but about optimizing my daily life. I'm aiming at geting focus, strength and motivation by controlling daily activities like sleep, eating, and physical activity (and yoga- which is a physical activity but also a little bit more than that). Much as I feel bad because I'm totally starting at 0 and there's no telling if I'll even get anywhere with this, (huge chance I'll fail and will still be at zero after a few months) I feel grateful that I have time to think things through.

There are gaps between constant moments of feeling inadequate and sorry for myself where I still see the light and I get to smooth my own ruffled feathers, remembering that there's still hope if I look hard enough, and the fact that if now is all that really exists, life is pretty awesome. It's hard, but I'm getting over my sadness. I'm getting over my fears. I'm getting over self-sabotage.

Plus I gained weight and it doesn't bother me at all. I think that's pretty remarkable.

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