Before anything else here's a video I edited! The footage is from two years ago, when we had our grand family reunion. I'm finally getting into video again. To be honest though, I was never really into it as much as I want to be, even when I was in school. There was always a lack of something. An editing software, a camera, etc etc. But in reality it was always just a lack of motivation and self discipline.
I was never into anything I love doing as much as I want to be, if you think about it. At least, not since highschool, when I still had the advantage of raging hormones and so much reckless and naive teen angst that I just HAD to have an outlet. I actually NEEDED it because I was so full of these enhanced emotions that they were spilling out of me naturally. Now I'm an adult, calm and dry, so I need some squeezing to keep doing creative stuff.
I'm so dry that I don't even engage in much negative self-talk anymore. I still do a bit when it comes to my goals and dreams but I usually just space out and mute it all. Sounds sad but I think it's a good thing, as long as I keep trying to squeeze.
Anyway, yeah. My next mission is to create structure for myself voluntarily. At work, I was forced into a rigid schedule and as effective as it was, I was getting so depressed. I know the only way to discipline myself and stay happy is to do it right: from the inside out and not as a response to a higher authority that I essentially just submit to. I can do this. I just have to have more self control and practice.