Monday, February 27, 2012

Girl-Friend Material

All through my life growing up, at least after the time puberty started and hormones made it matter, I've always felt like I'm someone the boys are close to, not because they want to be with me but because they feel like I'm..

One of them.

I'm the girl they go to to understand girls. I'm like the gateway to the mysterious other sex. I'm the girl who makes sense, the girl who explains stuff, the girl who helps them sort out their issues.

I'm the girl best friend. One of the boys.

I remember talking to my crush when I was thirteen, and him telling me that I caught his eye when he first saw me, but then said "When we looked at each other, I felt like hey, this person is someone that could be my best friend."


I wasn't dumb, I knew it's just a kind way of him saying "You seemed interesting from far away, but when I got close enough I just didn't feel that way about you. But hey you seemed cool."

Granted, we did become really close, even though I was always aware of how attractive he is. But I eventually felt genuinely friendly with him. I began to understand that he's not really what I'm looking for even though I always enjoyed looking at his face and being around him.

I'm not mystified by the reasons either.. I know that I don't act ladylike nor mysterious, and boys love that shit. I've always been so awkward and honest. And I guess, I haven't really spent a fair amount of time acting helpless enough for them to feel like they want to take care of me. First of all, I like doing things on my own, second of all, especially in my country, I am physically on the large side. Not even fat, just really big boned. And I understand how hard it is to feel turned on than intimidated about that.

All these years it's felt like a bad quality to me. Because I sometimes get too close and get my feelings hurt. I sometimes wished they would like me in the way that boys like girls. Not in the way that usually happens: them feeling really comfortable with me, comfortable enough to be themselves in their true form, but also comfortable enough to take me for granted.

But I guess, years of being out of high school and therefore around different people, and finding out what I actually want instead of what seems to be what I want based on what everyone else wants, I've learned a couple things:

1) I don't mind. I like being a friend. You get to appreciate the good stuff in the people without having to deal with the complications of pre-love infatuation games. You have fun, you spend time with them, you get to look at their pretty faces, you joke around, share stories, and even love them as people. And they love you back. But you don't become codependent. And your relationship doesn't get very complicated.

2) It's a good thing. It means I'm good at things like understanding people and helping them sort themselves out. Because I'm awkward, I don't need to save face when something embarrassing happens. Because I'm not mysterious, I don't encourage false expectations about who I am. And who I am isn't half bad. High school just has a way of making young girls feel ugly.

3) It's no big deal. I don't need to be a sexpot. Give me one person who loves me and I love back, and I'm all set. Anyway, I especially don't need to be objectified as just some pretty face. I'd rather be known for my mind. If you really think about it, it's only the weird need for validation in that way that makes this a bad thing. Get rid of the idea that you need to be sexually attractive to be worthy of people's time, and it all becomes really funny.

Basically, without the need to be wanted, everything works out, and my championship in the friendzone arena makes my life really meaningful.

So to any girl out there who feels like shit about always being the girl-friend instead of the girlfriend, don't worry. You're getting more value for your time.


  1. this is so true. i do love my boy friends so much for still spending great time with me after getting to know me beyond whats obvious. ive met a lot of people who only like me for what they see about my life from a certain viewpoint. it wasnt easy for me to find friends like you really, lucky you beb. you just saved urself a lot of heartaches and chismis :))

  2. haha true! it seems so important when you're young and insecure, but i guess nothing was wrong with me :D