Post-Romantic Love Conquest: The Dreamiest Life

Valentine's Day amiright?? All the love-themed memeing has got me thinking and reflecting about love in my own life, and what my love "conquest" is going to be now that I'm A-OK in the romantic love aspect.

A lot of us grow up thinking that we are to search life looking for that other person to complete us, and V-day is supposedly about that kind of love. Recently though, I find that people are more sensible about it being a commercial holiday and have decided to own it instead and put their own spin: it's morphed to become a holiday that's about just love itself, and we express it to people who are important to us, not necessarily just our lovers or crushes. Our friends, parents, siblings, even our pets! Personally, I've been spending the past Valentine's Days with either my friends or my family. And now that Emmy and I are actually together on Valentine's Day for the first time?...

 We both spent it with my family. Haha!



I got to try Umenoya for the first time - it's located in the Microtel by Windham hotel that Emmy's family stayed in two Christmasses ago (woah! I almost said "last Christmas", how fast time flies!) Only my mom has tried it before in my family.

I had a Nigiri set meal as usual, and I find this place to be REALLY GOOD. The fish was fresh. The Uni was clean on the palette and service was nice. My mom opted for a private seating room - the kind where you can put your feet down into the floor - not sure what the terminology is! It has interesting decor, but it's muted compared to Ryuma, which is more kitsch. It was more relaxing and intimate. And the prices are lower, at least for the meal I got.

Emmy and I got a picture taken at the entrance - this was where we dropped his family off after New Year's Eve - it was very bittersweet for me. 

The day after Valentine's, we remembered that we had downloaded Sense and Sensibility in January so that it could be our special V-day movie. We figured it was never too late, and since our Mondays are free for now we had a nice Film/Show watching day complete with Mcdo and the long-awaited V-day Bob's Burgers episode.

Today though, I decided to openly ponder, through writing, about my current love conquest. And that is the search for my own ideal life. I want to take a few moments to fangirl over not my dream boy or girl, but my dream life... Aaaaaah.

And because most of pondering occurs in lists, let me list down the aspects of this dream life in bullet points!

• I want a creative life - It seems like it should be obvious that a creative person automatically will have a creative life, but as I grow older it takes more effort to seek creative activities actively. I want to spend more time deliberately painting, drawing, crafting, generally working with my eyes and hands, alone or with friends! My best friends and I have been discussing activities that can make this happen in a communal kinda way, because everything good is better when shared.
• I want to get back with music, and to stay together with it - because it's been hard for me to write songs lately, I've stepped back from singing and playing at all, and that's super strange! Especially since, like I told Emmy a few weeks ago, music used to be what I identified with when I was younger. When I self-identified, I would say "I'm a singer and a songwriter". And for years now, that hasn't been true, and it feels very bizarre and surreal how far away I feel from that person now. I know people change, and if I've naturally moved on as a person to something else then I'd be fine with that, but recently I've been itching to come back to that. It's not gone from me. It's still inside, wanting to come out. I just haven't taken the chance to have a real go at it again.
• I want a lifestyle change!!! - I want to take charge of my daily habits even more.

1. I want to wake up earlier and sleep more soundly, 
2. I want to eat less meat and dairy, and more whole foods, and to drink more water 
3. I want to move moderately and regularly, and form fitness habits that work for my lifestyle (I don't like pushing too hard, I don't want to have to go somewhere else to do it, I like dancing)
4.  I want to use my time more actively rather than passively. Less browsing, more editing videos, writing content, practicing my skills in those areas, and in art and music! And French.
5. I want to be more mindful of my belongings and have less unaccounted-for stuff in my place.
6. I want to start saving for my future and my creative projects. I'm currently in the process of finding a job that suits me, and I gave myself an ultimatum that if I don't find anything else, I will do what I used to do: be a call center agent! Scary! But I found a place that seems less stressful, and again that's just my option for when I don't find anything more suitable.

I've been going towards the right direction but very slowly, and it's a forward-and-back-again kind of process. But once Emmy and I move into our own place, I'm looking forward to really dive into it face-first! That being said, even now that we're still living in my room all of the time, I can still do a few of these changes:

1. Using my free time more purposefully. I'm still struggling at this bigtime, as can be seen through my very sparse posting habits here and on YouTube, but I'm sure I'll get a hang of it, I just have to keep at it everyday. 
2. I'm going to have a major decluttering session! I'm going to apply the KonMari Method (with alterations) to the things in my room, so that when I move into a new space, I will feel like a NEW WOMAN. whoo. It will also help me worry less about the attic caving in from the weight in my room. Haha.
3. Less-intense diet changes. We have trouble keeping our ideal diets when we live with other people, and end up eating McDonald's a lot! But even though we can't make our own food, I've kept on pulling my intake into the reasonable side, which was greatly helped by my #eatmindfully project last year. To be honest, I've been eating a little more, but it's still under control B-) And we still keep our owl water cups handy all the time!
4. Very easy exercise! A little goes a really long way for me. Just 12 reps of weighed squatting leaves me sore for a couple of days! Then I can go again. And I really feel improvements right away. It's pretty nice.
5. Keep learning about how to make things happen. I know I say this all the time, but Gretchen Rubin books are so effective and helpful to me. I love that she takes into account everyone's idiosyncrasies and real data, statistics, and sprinkles personal accounts and accounts of real people in the mix. It's just... So easy to understand and doesn't ring my "THIS IS BS" alarms. Right now I'm reading Better Than Before, which I was thinking about preordering on her website, thinking it might take a while to get here, but suddenly found on a shelf in the bookstore with the minimalistic original cover that I really like!!! Anyway, it's teaching me how to prioritize and effectively attempt change, so that's exciting because I can really use the guidance.

So yeah! A creative, functional, healthy life! So dreamy!!! I hope I make it werqq this year!

A homebody's home-buddies. (Cute .gifs ahead!)

I discovered that my s4 (mom's hand-me-down, thank you so much Mama, changed my life) has this really cool camera mode called "Animated Photo" which essentially, makes gifs by picking areas in the picture you want to move while leaving the rest stationary. Only catch is, The output files are freakin' huge! So you might have to wait a bit for these to load. Leave them in the background or something!

This was the very first one I made with it and it's made me want to go to the beach or some other body of water so I can make more water .gifs! They are so relaxing. Although maybe not like this, from a tap. Makes me feel a bit anxious actually, especially with the recent water shortages. SOMEONE TURN IT OFF OH MY GOD.

This one I find to be super cute. It captures my little cousin Fheebo in his element. Bubbles make him scream and squeal. He's too excited about them! I love the way he pokes them mid air. bluplupblubup. blup blup.. blup blup!

Shortly after Fheebo's bubbles ran out, my brother Jaro comes home and Sansa excitedly welcomes him. Jaro, being the smart psychologist that he is, decides to wait until she calms down before acknowledging her. Luckily it happens within the 5-second window that the cam mode allows and I get to capture it! I love that she just plops down in front of him even though she's still really excited. 

"OKAY OKAY I'M CALM I'M CALM!!! PET ME NOW PLEEEASE ASDKJASFKAJL"

Anyway I'm officially a homebody now that I've quit my tutoring job, but weirdly enough, I've been going out a lot more ever since! I've been trying to be more outgoing and less... afraid of everything. I'm going to just immerse myself into music, art and introspective writing (and other things those things inspire) during this time while waiting for ~the big move~ which I might talk about later. I might need some spending money though, so I still have motivation to create stuff! Anyone of you who like my stuff at this beginner stage of style-discovery (haha it seriously surprises me that people like them at times, but in a really good way!), you can send me a message or email if you want a handwritten quote, an artwork or anything like that! I'm going to pour myself into just this. Just being this, just doing what I love doing. See where it goes from there. Start where I already am.

I'll try to be here a lot more too, this is where I want everything compiled after all! Because where else would they be if not here? (Tumblr, probably if I'm being honest.)

inkscapades

Hiya guys! It's meeeeeeeeee

I told you I'd tell you more about inkstuff so here I am :)

I went to a workshop on October 10, a calligraphy class. I decided to go because I wanted to exert myself more artistically - I've sort of been on this personal quest to re-ignite my passion for stuff I like to do and stuff.

The workshop was held by inkscribbler (refer to the links on the folder!) and it was very nice, relaxed, and inspiring. There were other creative women in the room and I think it paid off just to be in the same space as these women. Changed my energy for sure, for the next weeks after.

thanks inkscribbler!!

After the class I bought some additional nibs pictured below, and then I went to National Bookstore and got a brushpen just because I thought I wouldn't find them locally and even told one of my workshopmates about that fact, then I suddenly found brush pens at the bookstore!!! (I think I even saw her there but I wasn't sure, her back was turned and she was walking away and you know how socially awkward I am)

the middle one is the free one  ; i bought the other two :)

I found another bottle of ink that's been in our house for a long time from when my older brothers did calligraphy in high school. It's nice because one of the nibs needs a thicker consistency, and the old one has gone a bit thick. I also mixed up some water and poster paint to have a red "ink"

And I also made this bluish green one which I've transferred somewhere else since.

My brother has since passed the nib and holder they used in highschool to me:

I've been doodling and practicing and it feels great and relaxing and rewarding and nice.

see the tiny paper? look down!

I've also been trying to write longer stuff, I know it might wear my nibs out but I like the practice.

I wrote this one while watching Kiki's Delivery Service. It's funny cos it's kind of how I feel about calligraphy. It's that thing I'm doing to ease my mind and to feel good and creative. I feel in my zone lately, so at least for me, this truly is good therapy.

Coincidences be Puzzling

When Emmy was still here this summer, we looked for jigsaw puzzles that we could put together well, together. We were getting really into playing games -real games-, not computer ones. In fact, when I cleaned up a bunch of my stuff recently, I managed to fill a whole plastic crate thing with game stuff we used like the card games he's left behind, among many other things, like the scrabble game we bought together while he was here.  I also added in the crossword book I've had since I was little that's mostly unanswered. We took to giving it a go when we ran out of games, which happened since we played a lot, especially during times when the internet or even electricity was out of order.

I really feel grateful that he encourages things like this to bond over that allows us to connect by actually disconnecting -from the internet, or even watching films, even though that's usually nice. There's something endearing and refreshing about doing activities one would have done if they were back again in the 90's, tactile things that require focus, interaction, and well.. allows eyes to rest from constant strain from using the computer.

We never really found a good jigsaw puzzle while he was here, they were either too easy, or too expensive. Sometimes, you'd find one with a price you'd almost be willing to spend - if it wasn't so ugly.

So when I walked around National Bookstore (unsurprisingly) and saw a 500 PIECE puzzle worth only 134 pesos, i knew it was a rare, amazing deal. ESPECIALLY since the images were not ugly. I wasn't even particularly looking for a puzzle at the time! It was a magical moment.

Two in particular caught my attention. One was a saily ship and the other one was a painting of a nice house with lots of flowers that reminded me a lot of What Dreams May Come which I'd just rewatched the day before. The house reminded me more of myself while the ship reminded me of Emmy... He LOVES big boats. Also I'd mistaken the flag to be french because it was so small on the image. I decided to take the ship. First, it was much more challenging because of the amount of space that was just basically sky and sea (I had a rare mood of bravery) Second, it makes sense to get the one that reminds me of Emmy since I don't think I'd have noticed it had he not inspired me to look for puzzles!

(Third, there was only one of this and two of the other one... I actually might come back to try and get it too.)

When I got home, I told him the great news and showed him a picture of the box.

He then asked me if I could see the name... That's when I realised it might have not been a French ship after all. I suddenly noticed additional insignia on the tiny liddol flag on the illustration. I told him it looks something like... "CVAVATEMOC". My slight disappointment was short-lived, however, when I found out that the reason he asked me was because it looked familiar...

...because he had been on this very ship before.

How in the~

..................................

HOW AMAZING IS THAT?!?!?!

So not only did I chance upon a really good puzzle with a really good price that reminded me enough of Emmy to be perfect for the purpose of coping with not having him here to play games with, the ship in the damn photo had to actually even be a ship that he had actually been on before when he was little.

for contrast, here's an angle wherein the flag is super huge for a change

It's called Cuauhtemoc and it's Mexican. But since thinking it's French sold me on it, it's kind of serendipitous that I had a colorblind moment.

I've been having a grand ol' time piecing it together so far. It's my VERY FIRST ADULT SIZED JIGSAW PUZZLE. I've never even done a hundred piece puzzle before, not even a fifty piece one. So this is kinda huge for me. Literally too. For a sedentary person though puzzles can be a bit of a work out I now realise. But that might just be due to my decision to do everything on the floor.

Had an uncanny coincidence like this happened years ago, I know how I would have reacted, what I would have thought. I would have immediately thought something magical or otherwordly was orchestrating it... But now that I've grown up (yes, grown up enough for a grown up puzzle!) I can see that coincidences are amazing on their own. Dare I say, they are even more amazing because  they are random. As my former superstitious self, I would have looked for signs to believe something is right for me, and when I get signs, I ask for signs to tell me that they mean what I hope they mean.

 But now I take "signs" like these to be things that make real things extra good... Coincidences are not a means to an end anymore but their very own amazing wonderful magical selves. I already know what my relationship means to me. I already know we will both stay together for as long as we can. And our chances at making it depend on just luck, circumstance, and mostly our own will and doing. Just like any other couple. I don't need signs. But surprises like these are welcome. And will most likely be framed in our living room in the future.

Sah-weet Surprises

I innocently went with my mom to her office because I didn't have work today and ended up being spoiled rotten.

The day was already good from the start, even if I did have less sleep than I would have liked to have on a no-work day. I got up, got dressed, had iced coffee and watched this cool Game of Thrones related video (I've been so hyped up about the upcoming season premiere.. GRAAAH!).

Then on the way to the office I managed to fight off some morning sickness (I get that when I wake up too early) with some orange juice; very fortunate that my mom suggested getting some mcDo drive-thru for breakfast. Even though I did forget that Egg McMuffins are not the same as Sausage McMuffins with egg (darn it, THAT's the one I wanted) and I didn't feel like eating hashbrowns because I've been feeling bloated lately.

While I was sitting there doing nothing, (and being the oldest one of the "kids" that everyone brought to work yesterday) my mom generously treated me to a couple of treatments at the spa across the street.

And if that wasn't overly indulgent enough for one day, I later ended up being treated to some of the sexiest, most delicious (and photogenic) cupcakes in all deh land ~~~

I met ate Kat during one summer when I took a summer job at my mom's office many moons ago. I warmed up to her pretty quickly (I get shy and quiet around most people I meet through my mom) and found her super cool (I feel that it's important to say at this point that she introduced me to Neil Gaiman). Now she owns her very own café and it's the cutest, quirkiest little piece of trippy heaven. Regrettably, I did not get to bring Atom with me earlier, but I'll be sure to the next time I go ~ hopefully after I've had him repaired; he still has that little shutter quirk. >.< I'd love to write about how cute and creative the place is!

He did however get to help me out on snapping some pictures right after coming home, most of which will be shown in the next post.

Ate Kat told me she'd treat me to a meal when I stop by, but I didn't have as much time as I thought I would have. My mom asked that I be ready to get whisked away back to the office at a moment's notice so I just chatted with her and decided that I'll buy a box of cupcakes to go when it's time to leave. After mama called telling me I'm about to be picked up, we went to where the cupcakes are so I could choose which ones to get. One box fits six cupcakes; I decided I couldn't not try each one I could see, but after counting twice, I realised there were SEVEN kinds! Oops! Ate Kat said we'll just sneak another one in there. I thought, hey I'm going to get treated to a cupcake after all! But then she suddenly said I didn't have to pay ...for any.

 –I told you I'd treat you if you came!, she said.

WHAAAAA??? *tries to keep composure but weeps inside*

So in the end I got seven free cupcakes, and even the one extra was all boxed up really pretty! Sometimes I'm really shocked by how generous some people can be. Numerous things people do that you hear about make you doubt the entire human race, but a select few do things like this to you in real life and all of a sudden you think you might have gotten it all wrong.

That got way too deep. Sorry, I have too much sugar in my blood right now.

You could see how much attention and care she gives to her products, even from the packaging. Check out the adorable sticker:

It's the apostrophe on her logo, and it's the most adorable thing. I saved this one because I wanted to stick it onto my journal for today, a reminder of how inspired I felt today to create something in my life that is authentic to me. Oops. There I go again. Don't worry, these sugar high trances don't last very long.

I already had two of them, and I’d love to tell you how awesome they were! But alas it is already too  late and I have to sleep now to make the most out of the weekend…

(Finn Nelson Voice)To be continued...

PS: Who else watched the final episode of My Mad Fat Diary?! I HOPE IT GETS RENEWED. More of dis fez plz.

Playing with myself

No, shh. I heard what I said. Don't even.

I just played a game of chess with myself.

On the palm of my hand. No seriously, this chess set is so adorable and tiny, I can play the game against myself on my hand. Here's another photo with an AA battery for size comparison:

While Beardy was here I really looked around for a tiny magnetic chess set and was so happy when we found one, only to realise nobody's going to play with me when he left.

I thought about doing this before, but I just thought it was impossible to play with myself. Until I tried it. And you know what? I enjoyed it! And I finished my first game!

The down side is that it's hard to make long-term schemes. Cos I have to sort of clear my head everytime I switch sides. Oh well. Better than just staring at the thing all sad cos it's so cute but I can't use it.

In case you were wondering who won, I did. Yay! (I wasn't kidding when I said I'd find any excuse to feel good about myself)

Me: Black won!

Him: Haha, congrats.

Him: And sorry for your defeat.

He gets it.