The Big & Eternal Oof

"Pick your sacrifice"

"What will you suffer for?"

I think I may have found, that what I'm ending up choosing, is the struggle of finding my place, or having to question my validity as a human being every so often, because of my refusal to pick my suffering. I want to agree that in order to find meaning you must suffer for a cause, but something inside me can't agree to it. Maybe because my cause is different?

I feel as if the meaning of my life is something I can only find by going deeper into the quiet dignity of just... being... and accepting when I am not able to do more --and maybe being able to comfortably sit in that space, where I can look it in the eye, the fact that there are many things I cannot do, or that I can only do many things a little bit, and continue to be, and live, and experience life day to day, maybe that is the "sacrifice" I will end up choosing.

Maybe I'll never be proud of myself, in the most typical sense, and will just have to grow out of feeling like living up to whatever potential I may have thought I had. 

But I know I'm able to be happy. I've been happy many times. 

I'll just keep being here. Keep doing what's in front of me. Keep breathing, and keep going through.

I will keep my dreams. Maybe someday they will come true, but wherever I am is where I am,

and I am not there, *not* yet... I will never be there. "There" does not exist.

So I'll be here.

Better and better each time.