Making up with makeup

I like makeup.

Looking back at my life, I always have.

It just didn't always sit in well with whatever image of myself I would carry sometimes... Sometimes it would clash with my ideas of what "kind" of girl I am like, even though girls don't really come with a fixed set of qualities, recurring combinations of characteristics that are determined by different female archetypes.. Like the athlete, who never wears makeup, always wears her hair in a ponytail, and likes to wear jackets and jeans.. Or the girly girl, who never leaves the house without it... I guess I felt pressured, thinking that if I chose what kind of makeup "routine" I have, then I'd have to keep it up every day, or leave it altogether and say "I'm a bare face kinda girl."

Don't ask me why. i know it's ridiculous. It's just one of those dialogues that run in a subconscious level.

I often go out with a completely bare face. When I make an effort, it's usually a bit of eyeliner and just a bit of powder or foundation to cover up some inconsistencies in my complexion. Maybe some lip gloss, or some lip color, which often makes me feel at the end of the day that it was useless and fussy and not worth it. Even eyeliner. Keeps smudging. Plus, my eyelids are asymmetrical.

I kept feeling like if it was a good makeup day, it was purely out of luck. So often, I just go out with a completely bare face, or with some sunblock and lip balm and nothing else. I just often felt disappointed by it, or ugly because it doesn't "suit" me.

Lately though, I guess partly because one of my best friends Jessica keeps blogging about makeup, and partly because I'm into organizing and so my make-up and nail polish things are easily accessible now, I've been getting into the spirit of improving my makeup skills. I've kind of somehow always felt that it wasn't my face that's the problem, but that I don't do it properly.

I've graduated from just owning them to actually learning how to use them better, and it's made my relationship with makeup (and myself, self-esteem wise) much better.

I tried to see for myself what difference it really makes to use brushes. I noticed that makeup aficionados always use em, and that I always seem to be satisfied with just using my fingers, or whatever generic applicator i can get my hands on. "Maybe it will close the gap" I thought. And I was right. That evening wherein I was bored and decided to try and apply some bold lipstick with a brush instead of directly on my lips was very enlightening. My lips looked full, shapely, and I felt like a real woman.

(Again I know how ridiculous this sounds, Just... shh)

some lolpics of me trying on some lip colors i have

I don't think I will start wearing makeup everyday. I'm too easygoing (read: lazy) for that. But it's nice to feel like I'll know how to make it look okay whenever there's a special occasion or whenever I suddenly just feel like wearing makeup (which I think will be a bit more often now). It's nice to know that my face isn't too weird that I can't "paint" it properly without looking like a clown. So yeah. Although I'm no real hardcore aficionado, I declare my friendship with makeup completely restored.

I bought some BB cream in Hong Kong, and it's perfect for setting up a smooth, blank canvass for applying makeup. And a big part of why I feel ridiculous with makeup on is because I know I don't prime my skin properly and I feel that it makes it look weird and messy. But I didn't like the feeling of foundation on my face. In case you didn't know, BB creams are SO MUCH LIGHTER than foundation, but has the same coverage ability, so there's that problem solved. (Plus the tube I bought has 50ml of product in it, which would last me a long while since I won't use it everyday)
Today, inspired and motivated by my upcoming graduation pictorial (yeeeeeeee!), I practiced "contouring" my face after watching a Youtube video on how to do it. It felt very liberating to actually do it for once rather than just watch it and telling myself that's enough.

This is what I ended up with (and it's not webcam pictures so you can see i'm not cheating with pixelation):

no lipstick

with lipstick

I know it looks like nothing, but makeup (especially everyday makeup) shouldn't really always be about looking drastic/flashy/colorful. It could be about flaw correction/looking "clean" and looking "put-together", or your eyes looking a bit brighter... At least that's what I wanted this "look" to look like. Some subtle changes, I feel, really do make a big change.. and to be honest, that qualifier; "I feel" is what matters most of all in the first place. If I feel good about what shenanigans I've done with my face then I'm more likely to act confident and stuff. At least it was very true when I went to enrollment on Monday wearing a spot of makeup. And that confidence spilled over today even though I didn't wear any. It's really all about attitude after all. My point is, if makeup gives me that little confidence boost I need, why the hell shouldn't I exploit it?

Final Summation, I feel nice that I'm improving in this area and that I look human when I wear makeup now. :) The end.