Monday, October 29, 2012

Reference Point

'Kay so today I tried drawing again.


Mid-stroking I recalled a lesson I read on Tumblr about using drawing references properly. (While using images on Tumblr for reference. Can you see a pattern in my life here? Can you see how I've become this way???)

the cool illustration, if you're too lazy to read all of it, suggests that you must first:

  1. draw a thing without any references (in the example it's a shrimp)
  2. study reference pictures of the actual thing
  3. trace a reference picture of the thing (to make your hand get a feel of it, letting the body instruct the mind)
  4. draw it again using the picture as a reference
  5. draw it again in a different position than the reference
  6. draw the thing again without any references
  7. compare 1 & 7
The concept is simple. It's about teaching your mind, through your body, what it thinks it knows. Obviously I didn't really do that today, I just did number 4, which is what people usually do. That's because I didn't really get to revisit the illustration when i drew, i just felt inspired by the images I saw and wanted to put pencil to sketchpad and create something, even though it's technically just copying.

And then I also read back on entries in my other blogspot, relearned things I've forgotten that I've forgotten and relearned before (hence that blogpost that I just back-read) about viewing yourself like an observer of yourself to get a better grasp of, to put it bluntly, your jackass levels. How smartly or dumbly you're living your life. Etc etc.

When I read all of that, plus the other stuff, I kinda felt like I lost something when I moved to this blog. I think it comes from the intent behind this one. On that one, I acted as if I was just throwing thoughts into a void, and for this one, well, let's just say I'm older and know better than to write stuff that can be taken against me (just kidding. it's more about me having too many traumatic experiences relating to cringing at myself for writing some really dumb shit that I thought was smart at the time) and consider my audience a bit more, as little as its population may be.

...In the episode I'm at right now at Once Upon A Time, Emma's friend August tells her that when he gets writer's block, he likes to re-read what he's already done instead of "plowing through".. and sometimes, that's how he gets inspiration to write more.

How do all of these go together?

I think the fact that when I read back, I felt some longing for some level of freedom I had in writing when I was younger, allows me to get some inspiration to back up what I know now. I can combine the best stuff of both worlds now that I have an overview. Who says I have to choose between two styles? Writing styles don't come in complete sets. The parts are interchangeable.

I look back at my life and I see that I've always tried to be better. I know that I've been expecting some kind of end point to this, a point where I can stop changing and say that I'm glad about who I am, but I'm beginning to think that it will just slow down as I get a better grasp of myself. It will never stop, nor do I want it to! I enjoy going back to correct myself.

I'm at a point where I'm learning structure. How people expect things to work. And I don't think I'm selling my soul to the system in doing this. I'm simply getting an overview. A reference point. Like the same stage I am at in drawing. From copying things better, I will slowly learn how to caricaturise, to stylize, and to paint the way I want to. Maybe I can even create faces I've never seen before.

It's rough and it's tough and I feel like I'm at the bottom of the food chain right now in life. Financially dependent, jobless, can't even graduate yet...

But I'm glad my pride is broken. I'm glad I have nothing to lose anymore. Because I want to be humble, I want to ask, I want to wonder, I want to be taught and I want to learn.

Jeez. Wasn't that intense. I should go back and finish this episode now, I kinda stopped in the middle of Rumpelstiltskin bein a jerky jerk all drunk with power when it was still new. 'Tah.

PS: I tried makeup today and this is what I ended up with:

Yay I'm finally looking like how a normal person should look like when they wear makeup

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