Wednesday, September 12, 2012

willa-wanta + guest appearance by sly ;)

In dealing with my sadness after leaving Emmy at the airport, I learned the truth about the power in saying "I will" or "I am" instead of "I'll try to", "I'm trying to be" or "I want to". It's not really about the words themselves, but the intention that we internalize. When we say or think "I will", there's no room for speculation or hesitation. The action becomes treated as a fact. Whenever I found myself too close to the verge of crying in front of the driver who was taking me home (the game plan was to wait until I'm home alone to cry) I just internalized a thought that could be worded out as: "I'm fine. I'm calm. I'm in control." and I'd snap out of it just long enough to not build the emotion up too quick. The tears were in my eyes, but I managed to not let out a single sob. When I merely thought "I'm gonna try keeping it in" I would usually end up still approaching the point of no return.

Even with doing my chores, I just ignored the fact that I had a choice. I eventually learned, as I grew up, that sometimes, having a choice doesn't matter, and should be ignored when you have a bigger goal in mind.

Eventually, the immediate happiness I give up becomes rewarded with a deeper sense of fulfillment.

In an unrelated note, just how cute is my desk buddy? He gives me three extra ports AND is cute?? wowowow. I feel like I want to name him "Sly". Seems to suit him. He can be Slender's tiny, cute, nice brother.

Sly started out with his head turned away 180deg. How do I know? He has this little red light that seemed like it could be his heart, and it was on the back side, glowing in the right side of his chest from the front. Luckily, his head's connection to the wire is only superficial, so I was able to carefully twist it. Now he has his heart in the right place!

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