Drowsy

I really have to train myself to leave the bed when I wake up at the right hour.

To be fair I've been woken up a couple of times before it was time, either by bad dreams or the way my blinds were smashing against the wall (it has been very windy lately.) Once a little after 4am, then 7:30. I finally woke up properly at 8:30, which is just to say that the bed didn't feel like quicksand anymore and my head didn't feel like it was being sunk into it by an anvil, but I still stayed in bed when that happened, stared at my sweetheart's skype window, and fell asleep again for another hour. And woke up. And slept again for another hour.

So I still ended up getting up at 10:30 and it's pretty much been a lazy day.

Along with the feeling of victory that comes with not seeing two digits in the clock when I wake up (read: 6:00-9:00 instead of 10:00 onward), is a kind of fear that makes me want to fail at waking up early. It's like I can't deal with the weight of having regular hours because I won't have an excuse anymore. So in a way, even though I profess disliking them, my insomnia and broke-ness are things that I rely on. They're excuses I can use to cover my ass when I feel inadequate.

But this is a fear I have to face eventually. What if things work out? And if they don't, what if it just takes time practice that I haven't had the patience for?

So Note To Self for tomorrow morning:

Pull yourself up from the bed when it's time, go to the bathroom and wash the sleep inertia away.
There is more sleep to be had: at night. And a lot of living to be done this morning.


Random factoid: I love using yellow highlighter in real life. So I might start doing it here, too.

PS: im drowsy and had every intention to skip gym today.

but one text from aizel asking what time we’re going changed my mind.

Lesson: go to the gym with good friends