Tuesday, May 1, 2012

What I Wore: Teacher Bea?

Last week I applied for a teaching position in a daycare nearby (like literally it's like a five-ten minute walk from my house)... I'm not taking it, something I'll get into after making you look at what I wore 'cos I took pictures and I don't do this a lot so appreciate it. I was after looking like something kids would smile at. Like a clown.

I very spontaneously came up with the ribbon chain necklace the night before. I have a lot of scrap material lying around that I have been organizing into boxes and little drawers and I don't know, I guess I was in the mood for a bow tie.

It could be worn two ways and I could do a tutorial on this but it's really too easy. Just make a bow out of ribbon, thread a small-linked chain through it horizontally, and use a safety pin to clasp the two ends together.

When I tested how it would look with the shirt laid out on the bed it looked better with a bit of one end of the chain hanging down (top right image), but within seconds of wearing it like that I remembered my aversion to anything staying too close to my neck. I was probably hung to death in a previous life. So I decided  to pin it on the last link and let some chain slack show (top left).

For my nails I went for the "I don't hurt children" look.
I was wearing my neon melty sploosh bday nails just the day before and thought they looked massacresque.

Anyway, I don't think I'm coming back for the demo. I mean, they postponed it until further notice but I think I'll have to deny it when it comes.

My interviewer was awesome. She was so open and honest. A lot of the things she said really made me think, and in the end here are the things I realised:

  1. 22 isn't THAT young and whatever I take on at this age and keep at for five years will be the thing I'll be doing when I am 27. The thought of being a teacher at that age apparently doesn't look that great to me.
  2. I like teaching children and I feel good when I feel like I've taken part in forming them to be good adults and I think I have a talent for it, but maybe I can do it in other ways that are more true to myself. I want to have a unique relationship with each young person I get to know. I don't think it's achievable in a classroom setting.
  3. This is a career for people that take on it. A real passion I can't match. Heck, just the idea of committing for a whole school year scared me.

So yep. Not going to happen for me. I can maybe be a sub. Or do a summer thing teaching special subjects.  But as for now, what this experience has taught me, if anything at all, is that I should just go for what I want right away. I realized that my attempts at taking "side jobs" before jumping in to something "real" was maybe a disguised way of avoiding the jump, out of fear.

Right now I'm putting both my tutoring and teaching job ideas aside to make way for genuine inspiration, and creation from somewhere more genuine and organic, and the general revamping of my home life, which is very important to me. Life is short you know. Maybe I shouldn't be so afraid of going after what I want. I'd sure waste more time if I mourn what I wish I wanted to do instead of just looking at what I want to do and DOING it. Not saving it for later when I "deserve" it already. I also want to take care of my body better. I feel more cooperative in the house and it feels great. Even made my relationship with my mom better! I'm also working on being a better friend. So all in all, this period feels like a real beginning for me.

Everyday lately, (even though I unfortunately have been waking up late in the morning or noon) I wake up feeling excited. There is some spark in what I do, some love, some intention, and I just generally feel more alive. Tomorrow will start early for me (I hope! fingers crossed) and I want to end the morning being almost done with the "regurgitation" of all the crap in my room. Then I will get crafting. And then? We will see where my hands will take me :D

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