Pressure

I'm a wreck right now.

I'm currently under pressure from the following:

• Finishing my thesis book and my documentary for school (a.k.a. finally graduating)
• Beginning my financial growth as a person
• Beginning my "career" (mainly cause I don't even know what it's gonna be yet)
• Emmanuel's arrival and letting him live with my family for two months! I'm very anxious about my mom. I guess it's natural though.

I'm just hoping it's a good thing in the greater scheme of things. If there's one thing that has been missing in my journey to self-betterment it's actually eustress, or positive pressure. I don't get stressed out easily, which is great, but when you get so good at it and you actually have none of it, even the good kind, what happens is you lose motivation as well.

Luckily life has a way of kicking you in the butt when you need it! (Not just to reprimand, but to propel you too)

1. my computer crashed, and I felt like I woke up from a trance wherein I breathed internet and can't do much else. I wake up, sit down in front of my laptop, carry it downstairs to eat, carry it back upstairs to shower, etc etc.. I lost track of time. I just realized yesterday that I missed the deadline for application of graduation AGAIN. You'd think I'd learn my lesson from doing the same thing last semester. Nope.
2. realizing how broke i am and the youtube-uploaded Rich Dad Poor Dad audiobook coming my way shortly afterwards
3. two of my best friends FINDING JOBS within two weeks :O Felt slow in comparison, yeah, but also felt like "Hey, life is really starting now!", and to be honest, when it comes to rivalry, seeing my best pals succeed actually make me feel empowered instead of ashamed about not being like them for now. I feel like GOING THERE. Yknowhatimean.

Sidenote: It's amazing what little triumphs like killing a cockroach can do to one's self-esteem. I just saw the cockroach I ran away from yesterday and because there was a guest (home masseuse waiting for my mom to get ready) I felt the pressure I needed to step up and eliminate the critter. (sorry. but i tried to make it quick.) It's a GREAT thing the bug spray was still inside the house from where i left it after i sprayed around my window (preparing it for Emmy's stay! Making sure no ants will come in.) Sorry if it's morbid but I feel a lot better now. Update: It wasn't the same one. I found the actual one from last night. But it's also dead now R.I.P

Pressure is not the best feeling in the world, but I welcome it fully. I have to will change my habits. I will form new ones. I will make life work for me. I will figure shit out and make a huge, lasting improvement in my life, set goals, and accomplish them.

When I was a bit younger I thought brain plasticity ends at 20, but something I watched recently said it's 30.

There might be eight years of hope left for me yet!