Hope... strengthening... Must.. make it happen..

I have been great, thank you for asking!

everyday we get closer to me possibly going to visit beardy!

the pressure is on ~~~ (i still haven't had my visa appointment)

but so is the excitement! everyone has been super supportive, and i'm so grateful!!!

we just got a letter, we just got a letter.. we just got a letter.. wonder who it's from?

jk it's from beardy ofc! we needed some official documents fedexed so he figured he should leave in a cute pink handwritten letter too :3 he hated the paper and decided he'd make it into something good haha

In other life news, I've been very glad about finding a job that i'm comfortable in going to day in day out etc etc.... It would have been depressing if I had to spend these months before going to Beardy being a house potato and not doing anything.

Things I Like About my Job:

• my boss is nice, and his wife is nice too
• the kids i teach are nice
• it's not stressful like callcenter work
• i don't need to bug my brother to drive me to and from work everyday
• because i can get there in THREE MINUTES by foot!
• i like the nature of the job, it's actually fulfilling!
• and the pay isn't bad, especially since i don't need to be driven to work anymore (gas is money)
• it's like going to your friends' house to help them with homework but it's actually a job

so yeah, it's humble honest work, which i enjoy :) there are no fancy bonuses or paid leaves, but as long as i fill my own spot while i'm away, i can take a long summer vacation... (i mean my boss isn't ecstatic about it, but he didn't say it's not allowed :p) and well, i did want to have some form of teaching experience in my life.. remember my wanting to be a preschool teacher phase? didn't work out because i can't commit for whole school years... but tutoring allows me that flexibility. and i have 4 hours free in between shifts to pursue my passions if i was so inclined.

so yeah. focusing on the good stuff today! motivation! good stuff.

shampoop

An awkward hello to you, dear blog. Writing here feels like trying to approach an old friend I've ignored for years. I've been trying to be okay with life as a tutor these days, but I think it's time that I tried to not be a lazy blob that just eats and sleeps whenever they are not at work. I think it's a coping mechanism for me somehow, but I know I'll have to eventually learn to balance work and my passions ...somehow.

I remember writing here about once trying to break up with shampoo and switching to baking soda. Obviously that didn't work out.. I ended up buying new shampoo before I even got to finish the ones I had left! (Just too many yummy-smelling shampoos in the stores. Like the green Sunsilk, which I'm using right now.. mmm) BUT I did eventually stop washing my hair every single day. At first it made it oily, as you all know, regular shampoos have sulfates in them, which strip the natural oils on our heads. It makes it feel squeaky clean but makes our scalps over-produce oil, thinking there isn't enough. My head has always been prone to flaking in recent memory, and I think it was being stripped too much by everyday shampoo use. Now that it has become used to only being washed every 2-3 days, it has stopped overproducing oil, so I can go for more than 24 hours without washing my hair without my head smelling horrible and becoming super oily. And somehow the heat-headaches I get when I don't wash my head every 24 hours have stopped happening too.

 Maybe I just havent encountered the worst of the summer heat yet since the change, yes, but also, I think overproduction of oil might have made my scalp feel hotter too.

Now that I wash my head about 50% less times than I used to, I can cut down my shampoo usage to half as well. That's kinda neat, especially after seeing this mess:

That's a paperbag that's in my bathroom right now, full of emptied bottles of shampoos, conditioners, soap, and mouthwash. SO MUCH JUNK. So much useless empty space. I hope they crush these before leaving them in dumps, or better yet, I hope they recycle them all..

I'm trying to stop being sentimental over shampoo bottles so that I can throw them out. Yes it happens to me. I feel that way about shampoo bottles that E brought here or the ones we bought from places we went. HAHAHAHA. I know how silly it sounds. Shh.

Eventually I'll want to change to stuff that are less harmful to the environment and my body in general (like sulfate free shampoos? or biodegradable bottles? they will be hard to find), but for now I'm sticking to what I'm used to, just doing it less, since I can't afford greener stuff, which are, let's all admit, more expensive. (and I don't even know where to look for them)

Baby steps.

Four Zero

*cheese warning. if you are susceptible to vomiting due to overt displays of affection, avert your eyes*

Beardy and I have been in each others' lives for 40 months today. :)

I was having a little pop Disney marathon when I came across this song again. I always found it romantic before, but it was moving to listen to it now and realize it's become very true to me.

The context is different, but it still fits really well. John and Pochahontas are singing this to each other because of the possibility that their time will be cut short permanently whereas we deal with it yearly whenever we have to part, but like the song says, it's a fate that I'll always choose over not having known him at all.

...If I never knew you, I'd be safe but half as real

Never knowing I could feel a love so strong and true

I'm so grateful to you, I'd have lived my whole life through

Lost forever, if I never knew you...

...If I never knew you, I'd have lived my whole life through

Empty as the sky

Never knowing why

Lost forever, if I never knew you...