beard lover

just gifs of my hand and emmy's beard

I whipped up something random for lunch and now I want to eat it again

Our dear house helper has left us for greener pastures so for now we are left to fend for ourselves in this household. But for now it isn't so bad because it's actually a lot of fun to do housework with Emmy. It makes me think of the future, you know? Having the house for ourselves, having him help me do stuff, etc.

I really wanted to feed him real food because he only had a couple of brownies for breakfast, and some Mountain Dew, alcohol and chips while watching A Bit of Fry and Laurie. I was feeling lazy but there was absolutely nothing prepared and I sort of felt inspired to make the most out of the situation.

I ended up gathering the following:

• a can of tuna in vegetable oil
• a small packet of tomato sauce
• a small palmful of capers
• a small red onion
• a small red bell pepper

The tomato sauce was kind of impulsive, I was just meaning to sautee the tuna with some onions and bell pepper to round it off, but it ended up pretty nice! Reminded me a bit of pizza, so I put some Italian seasoning too. And just a dash of pepper. Then I took some rice and cooked everything together. It ended up pretty nice! Kinda college food-y, but in a good way :) Probably healthy too, which is a good change!

Comitticidal

I would be so much happier if I knew either:

• how to commit to things after I've gone tired of them, or
• how to be completely hedonistic

In other news, life is good right now, tomorrow Emmanuel and I are going to a couple of museums. Guess what. I'm marrying this guy. Hard to be unsure about it.

Now if you don't mind, this has to be a short one for I took a sleeping pill and I would like to not waste it.

PS: Cranberry juice is nice and magical.

Beach Bums

Right now as I write this, my baby is beside me still curled up and asleep from the time we promptly fell asleep just after deciding to go out to walk along the beach. I woke up a few minutes ago and decided to seize the opportunity to finally write something in my blog.

We've been staying here in Boracay since Tuesday. It's now Monday and we still have until all of Friday to enjoy this wonderful island. (We leave on Saturday afternoon, but I'm sure that that day would be spent preparing and travelling to the airport.)

 We only brought Emmy's laptop so I'm currently just getting myself used to a french keyboard. He's been using mine a lot since his arrival to the Philippines and now I can say I can fully empathize.

So far we have been:

• walking along the beach to look for affordable places to eat (surprisingly there are more than we first thought! We'll probably both post about them in our separate blogs) and for (quite unhealthy) groceries
• playing with sand hehehehehehehehhe
• swimming in the waaavy ocean (the water unfortunately isn't as clear as when I came here in 2010 but it's still verry lovely, and most importantly, warm enough for Emmy to swim in! (he HATES bathing/showering in "cold" water)
• mixing our own poor college kids "cocktails" in our room whoops?
• watching not only "a bit", but quite a lot actually, of "a bit of fry and laurie"
• watching mooooooooviiiieeeeeessssss
• attempting to do some laundry with the bucket in the bathroom but eventually deciding to take advantage of the very inexpensive laundry service after all.

etc etc etc.

So as you can see, we haven't been fully posessed by the salty air, and as expected we haven't been doing any extreme sports: we're still very much ourselves, only with the ability now to hug each other to sleep (we aren't allowed to at my house, I've been sleeping on the couch) and to discover stuff in a strange place and to swim and make weird stuff with the sand and all that. And it's been really great!!!  I feel really happy that we're staying for a long time and don't have to rush to see everything we want to :D


A couple of island life problems and solutions:

1.  Floor keeps ending up sandy? If you hate having sand everywhere, gather up everyone you're rooming up with to decide on a spot near the door to call as the "sand deposit area". Put a small bottle of baby powder there, and whenever someone has sand on their feet, they just have to sit over there, put powder on their feet to shake the sand off easier, and be able to walk around the rest of the room without trailing sand everywhere!
2. Salty water fogs up your sunglasses? Bring a bottle of normal water with you and leave it on the shore to be available to you when you need to rinse your glasses (or irritated skin)

PS: pics soon bye ;)

I guess I'm going to the beach all fat and stuff!

And I guess I'm okay with that! I know It's going to be amazing :)

E and I are leaving for vacation on Tuesday for 10/11 days! To Boracay!!!

It's going to be nice having time by ourselves, and being both on vacation mode.

This is going to be the longest time I've ever spent at the beach :3 It's a nice way to make sure we won't feel like we didn't do enough.

Anyway here's a photo spam :D

Have fun getting sick of our faces! :D

Cheese

He was walking so far away from me. 

I had said something that I maybe shouldn't have, even though I thought I was being helpful. Didn't matter now, we were silent, and he wasn't walking beside me. That's what mattered. 

I felt like shrinking and running away. I wanted him to chase after me. But of course I couldn't. I was stuck there following him around, trying not to be obvious. Angry but very sad, and most of all pleading secretly, not wanting to be alone. He later told me (after we had already gone home, talking about the long day we had) that he was keeping an eye on me too, making sure I hadn't left or gotten lost, trying to think of a way to approach properly.

Inside the church, things finally got "warmer", as he said in his own words. I took silly photos of him, and showed him the ones I took of him while he was walking far ahead from me, leaving me behind. He seemed sorry, in that usual sweet way, looking down at me with half a pout and half a smile, making me feel like I'm someone a bit silly but adorable. Like he pities me because of the torture I cause for myself when I'm left to think on my own, assuming the worst things. And he got to tell me what had made him upset. It wasn't what I thought, but that thing that I said afterwards that "set him off". But it was clear that we were both strategising for the best way to make up the whole time. I'd like to believe it was just as bad for him as it was for me, walking around in the same cold, old, eerie halls of the four hundred year old church, but not together.

We said sorry and explained ourselves, and kind of made up, but inside myself I just didn't feel quite right yet, I didn't feel it was okay. I felt like I had to fix something, because chasing him had scared me. One part of me was saying "space is good, not just for him but for you, too. you have to wait 'till the anger is gone." while another part felt like he didn't really understand that the situation was bad. That he was really enjoying the old, scary statues on his own, completely forgetting I was there, even when I was behind him a handful of steps instead of beside him laughing at whatever witty comments and observations he has, and me making him laugh too. I remember just thinking "Is it always going to be like this? Will I always have to fix things, run after him, make things better?"

Even though I could have just done it myself, just walked towards him, hugged him, or at least held his hand and said sorry. But of course I couldn't, I was angry too. It's just easier to feel like the victim sometimes.

And I kept feeling like the victim even after we'd already started to be normal for a few minutes already. I was a ticking time bomb, waiting for an opportunity to reopen the new scar, just to make sure it's clean inside.

We were walking on the red carpet from the altar to the back of the church, I was feeling low and pessimistic, doubting our strength as a couple a little bit.

took this RIGHT after this whole thing happened :p

"Look. It's like we're doing the opposite of getting married." I said defeatedly.

"Or, that we just got married."

We smiled at each other.
I felt like my heart levitated from its weepy position at the base of my chest.
He was right, in more ways than one.

This was all part of it, and I'm gladly taking the bitter for the sweet, because that's the part that makes it real.

I don't know how he does it, but he keeps missing my expectations, only to give me something I really need.